WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.570 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.570 --> 00:00:02.440 align:middle line:90% Thank you very, very much, Paul. 00:00:02.440 --> 00:00:03.088 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:00:03.088 --> 00:00:04.255 align:middle line:90% Does anyone have a question? 00:00:04.255 --> 00:00:06.800 align:middle line:90% 00:00:06.800 --> 00:00:09.560 align:middle line:84% I would love to go where everybody says, no! 00:00:09.560 --> 00:00:10.290 align:middle line:90% OK, OK. 00:00:10.290 --> 00:00:13.130 align:middle line:90% 00:00:13.130 --> 00:00:16.680 align:middle line:84% Paul you talked a little bit about monsters and horror 00:00:16.680 --> 00:00:17.810 align:middle line:90% events and monster poems. 00:00:17.810 --> 00:00:22.820 align:middle line:84% I was curious about a related genre of science fiction, how 00:00:22.820 --> 00:00:26.180 align:middle line:84% you might or might not use that to inform 00:00:26.180 --> 00:00:29.123 align:middle line:84% the ideas in your poems, and just 00:00:29.123 --> 00:00:31.290 align:middle line:84% in general with monsters or science fiction or both, 00:00:31.290 --> 00:00:32.329 align:middle line:90% how do you make it work? 00:00:32.329 --> 00:00:35.000 align:middle line:90% 00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:36.620 align:middle line:84% I don't I'm not I'm not sure I've ever 00:00:36.620 --> 00:00:43.220 align:middle line:84% been someone who believes in the tropes of high art and low art. 00:00:43.220 --> 00:00:45.920 align:middle line:84% And so I've always thought like if you could get Godzilla 00:00:45.920 --> 00:00:48.140 align:middle line:90% in a poem, awesome. 00:00:48.140 --> 00:00:52.010 align:middle line:84% And it doesn't-- there's no-- there's nothing like less 00:00:52.010 --> 00:00:52.950 align:middle line:90% artful about it. 00:00:52.950 --> 00:00:56.090 align:middle line:84% If anything I feel like I enjoy the challenge of getting 00:00:56.090 --> 00:00:57.600 align:middle line:90% that and pulling it off. 00:00:57.600 --> 00:01:00.980 align:middle line:84% And so as a kid, I'm 38 years old now, 00:01:00.980 --> 00:01:03.590 align:middle line:90% and I was born in 1974. 00:01:03.590 --> 00:01:07.400 align:middle line:84% And so I came of age right about the time 00:01:07.400 --> 00:01:09.590 align:middle line:84% where cable TV came into the household, 00:01:09.590 --> 00:01:12.620 align:middle line:84% and you were left supervised, unsupervised 00:01:12.620 --> 00:01:14.480 align:middle line:84% for massive amount of times where 00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:17.360 align:middle line:84% you could be watching cable TV with all these bad B 00:01:17.360 --> 00:01:21.960 align:middle line:84% movies, and Kung Fu movies, and Godzilla films and whatnot. 00:01:21.960 --> 00:01:26.510 align:middle line:84% And so my misspent youth was a lot of watching that. 00:01:26.510 --> 00:01:28.640 align:middle line:90% And so it's part of who I am. 00:01:28.640 --> 00:01:32.930 align:middle line:84% Some people grew up reading Hemingway, 00:01:32.930 --> 00:01:35.720 align:middle line:90% and I grew up watching Godzilla. 00:01:35.720 --> 00:01:38.390 align:middle line:84% And I think that's OK, because poetry can come 00:01:38.390 --> 00:01:40.430 align:middle line:90% from the same place even so. 00:01:40.430 --> 00:01:43.520 align:middle line:84% And so things like science fiction and fantasy, 00:01:43.520 --> 00:01:44.630 align:middle line:90% I love Star Wars. 00:01:44.630 --> 00:01:49.880 align:middle line:84% That was like the generational movie as I was growing up. 00:01:49.880 --> 00:01:51.890 align:middle line:84% And I haven't written about Luke Skywalker yet, 00:01:51.890 --> 00:01:53.270 align:middle line:90% but maybe I will. 00:01:53.270 --> 00:01:58.880 align:middle line:90% 00:01:58.880 --> 00:02:01.070 align:middle line:84% Well, I have the most basic of questions. 00:02:01.070 --> 00:02:01.730 align:middle line:90% In [INAUDIBLE] 00:02:01.730 --> 00:02:03.620 align:middle line:90% All right. 00:02:03.620 --> 00:02:07.010 align:middle line:84% Well, someone who grew up with all these monsters, what 00:02:07.010 --> 00:02:09.445 align:middle line:90% drew you to writing? 00:02:09.445 --> 00:02:10.320 align:middle line:90% It's a good question. 00:02:10.320 --> 00:02:11.153 align:middle line:90% I don't really know. 00:02:11.153 --> 00:02:13.620 align:middle line:84% I think sometimes I think it's genetic. 00:02:13.620 --> 00:02:16.345 align:middle line:84% Like I think you're made to be a certain thing sometimes. 00:02:16.345 --> 00:02:18.470 align:middle line:84% Like you're-- sometimes you're going to be a baker, 00:02:18.470 --> 00:02:20.670 align:middle line:84% or sometimes you're going to be this or that. 00:02:20.670 --> 00:02:22.610 align:middle line:84% And I think I always knew even when 00:02:22.610 --> 00:02:25.193 align:middle line:84% I was a kid that I wanted to be a writer, even though I didn't 00:02:25.193 --> 00:02:26.490 align:middle line:90% know exactly what that meant. 00:02:26.490 --> 00:02:29.330 align:middle line:84% I loved to read and I had this idea 00:02:29.330 --> 00:02:30.950 align:middle line:84% that I would like to make books, too. 00:02:30.950 --> 00:02:33.000 align:middle line:84% But I had no idea what that meant. 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:35.820 align:middle line:84% And so the other thing that I wanted to be was a jet pilot. 00:02:35.820 --> 00:02:38.030 align:middle line:90% So it was kind of a toss up. 00:02:38.030 --> 00:02:40.805 align:middle line:84% And then when I broke my neck, jet pilot 00:02:40.805 --> 00:02:42.180 align:middle line:84% wasn't going to work out so well. 00:02:42.180 --> 00:02:46.610 align:middle line:84% And so when I was 17 I wrote my first poem, 00:02:46.610 --> 00:02:50.450 align:middle line:84% and I wasn't-- it wasn't out of emulation. 00:02:50.450 --> 00:02:54.260 align:middle line:84% I didn't write it because I'd read a poem 00:02:54.260 --> 00:02:56.450 align:middle line:84% or heard a poem that I thought was really great. 00:02:56.450 --> 00:02:57.320 align:middle line:90% It just happened. 00:02:57.320 --> 00:03:01.250 align:middle line:84% It came to my mind one day, and I'm 00:03:01.250 --> 00:03:03.560 align:middle line:84% about to reveal my age again, I ran in-- 00:03:03.560 --> 00:03:05.330 align:middle line:84% I was in high school, junior high school. 00:03:05.330 --> 00:03:09.680 align:middle line:84% I ran into the library and I was looking for a typewriter. 00:03:09.680 --> 00:03:12.530 align:middle line:84% And now like the youngsters here are like typewriter, 00:03:12.530 --> 00:03:13.430 align:middle line:90% what's a typewriter? 00:03:13.430 --> 00:03:15.530 align:middle line:84% But now you would have word processors, 00:03:15.530 --> 00:03:17.030 align:middle line:84% but I went and found the typewriter, 00:03:17.030 --> 00:03:19.670 align:middle line:84% and sort of banged this keyboard. 00:03:19.670 --> 00:03:21.740 align:middle line:84% I mean this poem out on the keyboard, 00:03:21.740 --> 00:03:27.320 align:middle line:84% and rather than the light bulb going off over my head, 00:03:27.320 --> 00:03:30.390 align:middle line:84% I thought like a mushroom cloud going over my head. 00:03:30.390 --> 00:03:32.790 align:middle line:84% It felt like this is what I'm meant to do. 00:03:32.790 --> 00:03:34.670 align:middle line:90% And I never looked back. 00:03:34.670 --> 00:03:37.820 align:middle line:84% And I know a lot of my friends spent their 20s 00:03:37.820 --> 00:03:40.882 align:middle line:84% searching for what they were supposed to do in their lives. 00:03:40.882 --> 00:03:42.590 align:middle line:84% And I always felt like lucky and grateful 00:03:42.590 --> 00:03:45.200 align:middle line:90% that I'd found it at 17. 00:03:45.200 --> 00:03:47.150 align:middle line:90% So. 00:03:47.150 --> 00:03:51.470 align:middle line:84% Now what poets have influenced you most? 00:03:51.470 --> 00:03:53.810 align:middle line:84% That's always the question that makes sure-- that 00:03:53.810 --> 00:03:56.120 align:middle line:90% guarantees you can't answer it. 00:03:56.120 --> 00:03:58.430 align:middle line:84% Like you would ask me on the street or something, oh, 00:03:58.430 --> 00:04:00.110 align:middle line:84% but now you ask me, I like, I don't know, poet? 00:04:00.110 --> 00:04:00.860 align:middle line:90% What's a poet? 00:04:00.860 --> 00:04:02.900 align:middle line:90% No. 00:04:02.900 --> 00:04:07.220 align:middle line:84% Poets like-- weirdly I love John Donne. 00:04:07.220 --> 00:04:09.290 align:middle line:90% I love Walt Whitman. 00:04:09.290 --> 00:04:18.040 align:middle line:84% Richard Hugo, Bob Hicok, Anne Sexton. 00:04:18.040 --> 00:04:22.600 align:middle line:84% I'll have to think about more, but there's too many to-- 00:04:22.600 --> 00:04:28.180 align:middle line:90% John Ashbery, William Matthews. 00:04:28.180 --> 00:04:30.080 align:middle line:90% On and on. 00:04:30.080 --> 00:04:32.230 align:middle line:90% I'll think about it some more. 00:04:32.230 --> 00:04:34.900 align:middle line:84% And a similar question, were there 00:04:34.900 --> 00:04:40.000 align:middle line:84% memoirs that you used as models or that inspired your own? 00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:43.600 align:middle line:84% I guess maybe in terms of craft or arc? 00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:44.595 align:middle line:90% Yes or no. 00:04:44.595 --> 00:04:46.720 align:middle line:84% In the sense that I never wanted to write a memoir, 00:04:46.720 --> 00:04:48.970 align:middle line:84% I was really kind of against the idea. 00:04:48.970 --> 00:04:52.480 align:middle line:84% Because I didn't want to take time away from writing poems. 00:04:52.480 --> 00:04:55.090 align:middle line:84% And I knew if I ever decided to do it 00:04:55.090 --> 00:04:58.030 align:middle line:84% that it was going to be a large, long project. 00:04:58.030 --> 00:04:59.680 align:middle line:84% And I didn't want to do it because I 00:04:59.680 --> 00:05:00.730 align:middle line:84% knew in the back of my mind, I was 00:05:00.730 --> 00:05:02.022 align:middle line:90% like, I could be writing poems. 00:05:02.022 --> 00:05:03.800 align:middle line:90% Poems a lot more fun than this. 00:05:03.800 --> 00:05:06.010 align:middle line:84% And sure enough that's how it felt at first. 00:05:06.010 --> 00:05:08.890 align:middle line:84% It was really hard to switch over. 00:05:08.890 --> 00:05:12.730 align:middle line:84% But because I was really resistant to the idea, 00:05:12.730 --> 00:05:14.980 align:middle line:84% I think I was also resistant to the genre. 00:05:14.980 --> 00:05:17.110 align:middle line:84% And so I hadn't read a lot of memoirs. 00:05:17.110 --> 00:05:20.200 align:middle line:84% Mark Dodi's Heaven's Coast was one. 00:05:20.200 --> 00:05:24.080 align:middle line:84% Lucy Greely's Autobiography of a Face was another. 00:05:24.080 --> 00:05:28.510 align:middle line:84% But in terms of story arc, I couldn't say that. 00:05:28.510 --> 00:05:35.080 align:middle line:84% Mostly I was reading more about focus in the use of vignettes, 00:05:35.080 --> 00:05:36.310 align:middle line:90% and sort of things like that. 00:05:36.310 --> 00:05:39.137 align:middle line:90% 00:05:39.137 --> 00:05:40.220 align:middle line:90% I have a related question. 00:05:40.220 --> 00:05:42.958 align:middle line:84% When you wrote your memoir, did you have-- 00:05:42.958 --> 00:05:44.750 align:middle line:84% what was the audience that you had in mind? 00:05:44.750 --> 00:05:46.280 align:middle line:90% Even if it was-- 00:05:46.280 --> 00:05:48.965 align:middle line:90% My hard drive. 00:05:48.965 --> 00:05:50.840 align:middle line:84% My second book got accepted for publications. 00:05:50.840 --> 00:05:53.212 align:middle line:84% It was summer break, and I thought, I have some time. 00:05:53.212 --> 00:05:55.670 align:middle line:84% Because I've been resisting the idea for a long, long time. 00:05:55.670 --> 00:05:57.015 align:middle line:90% I didn't want to do it. 00:05:57.015 --> 00:05:58.640 align:middle line:84% But I guess my second book was accepted 00:05:58.640 --> 00:06:00.170 align:middle line:84% for publication, which felt good, because I'd 00:06:00.170 --> 00:06:01.040 align:middle line:90% been sending it out. 00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:03.660 align:middle line:84% My first book was accepted fairly quickly. 00:06:03.660 --> 00:06:06.170 align:middle line:84% And I was really lucky but my second book, I was sending-- 00:06:06.170 --> 00:06:08.428 align:middle line:84% I had to send it out 50, 60 times. 00:06:08.428 --> 00:06:10.220 align:middle line:84% And that's the way it always goes, I think, 00:06:10.220 --> 00:06:12.950 align:middle line:84% because with your first book, it's kind of an uneven playing 00:06:12.950 --> 00:06:13.520 align:middle line:90% field. 00:06:13.520 --> 00:06:14.743 align:middle line:90% A lot of people have not-- 00:06:14.743 --> 00:06:16.160 align:middle line:84% but with your second book everyone 00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:18.030 align:middle line:90% has published a book by then. 00:06:18.030 --> 00:06:22.160 align:middle line:84% And so suddenly the level-- the playing field is very much-- 00:06:22.160 --> 00:06:25.473 align:middle line:84% you're all accomplished poets in a way. 00:06:25.473 --> 00:06:27.140 align:middle line:84% And so it took me a long time to get it. 00:06:27.140 --> 00:06:29.150 align:middle line:84% And but I finally managed to get it done, 00:06:29.150 --> 00:06:31.205 align:middle line:84% and I felt this sense of relief and the semester 00:06:31.205 --> 00:06:33.080 align:middle line:84% was just ending, I sound like, you know what? 00:06:33.080 --> 00:06:34.550 align:middle line:90% I have a summer. 00:06:34.550 --> 00:06:37.610 align:middle line:84% I can spend some time maybe finally 00:06:37.610 --> 00:06:42.890 align:middle line:84% taking a stab at writing a memoir. 00:06:42.890 --> 00:06:46.310 align:middle line:84% And funnily enough, when I was in Tuscaloosa, 00:06:46.310 --> 00:06:49.970 align:middle line:84% same time Andrew was there, I had written a little bit. 00:06:49.970 --> 00:06:52.010 align:middle line:84% I had written the accident scene. 00:06:52.010 --> 00:06:54.620 align:middle line:84% And then put it away for a few years. 00:06:54.620 --> 00:06:57.680 align:middle line:84% And I picked it back up again and revised it, 00:06:57.680 --> 00:07:01.340 align:middle line:84% and I wrote about 20,000 words that summer. 00:07:01.340 --> 00:07:02.840 align:middle line:84% But then had to go back to teaching, 00:07:02.840 --> 00:07:05.185 align:middle line:84% I was teaching for freshman comp at that time. 00:07:05.185 --> 00:07:06.560 align:middle line:84% And so I put it away for a year-- 00:07:06.560 --> 00:07:09.240 align:middle line:84% and I didn't look at it again for a year and a half. 00:07:09.240 --> 00:07:13.985 align:middle line:84% And then I was approached by an agent who said, 00:07:13.985 --> 00:07:17.360 align:middle line:84% I loved your first book, but do you have any other kinds 00:07:17.360 --> 00:07:18.735 align:middle line:90% of writing you would-- 00:07:18.735 --> 00:07:21.110 align:middle line:84% basically she said, do you have anything that would sell. 00:07:21.110 --> 00:07:22.350 align:middle line:84% Do you have anything that would make money. 00:07:22.350 --> 00:07:23.300 align:middle line:84% I said, well, I have this thing that I 00:07:23.300 --> 00:07:25.820 align:middle line:84% wrote it's been on my hard drive for a year and a half. 00:07:25.820 --> 00:07:29.468 align:middle line:84% And so in terms of audience, I don't know. 00:07:29.468 --> 00:07:30.260 align:middle line:90% I thought about it. 00:07:30.260 --> 00:07:32.720 align:middle line:84% Because I was reluctant to it I decided 00:07:32.720 --> 00:07:34.950 align:middle line:84% that if I wanted to do it, I wanted to commit to it. 00:07:34.950 --> 00:07:38.750 align:middle line:84% And so I wanted to make sure that someone who was not 00:07:38.750 --> 00:07:40.970 align:middle line:84% disabled, for example, or not a writer 00:07:40.970 --> 00:07:44.030 align:middle line:84% could take away something from it and learn about it. 00:07:44.030 --> 00:07:47.420 align:middle line:84% Because when you're disabled, you have to surrender a lot. 00:07:47.420 --> 00:07:50.488 align:middle line:84% A lot of privacy, a lot of independence, and people 00:07:50.488 --> 00:07:53.030 align:middle line:84% have asked me, did that bother you having to write about some 00:07:53.030 --> 00:07:55.040 align:middle line:90% of the things you went through? 00:07:55.040 --> 00:07:58.873 align:middle line:84% And the answer was, no, because I just committed to it. 00:07:58.873 --> 00:08:00.290 align:middle line:84% I decided if I was going to do it, 00:08:00.290 --> 00:08:02.300 align:middle line:84% I didn't want to do a half measure. 00:08:02.300 --> 00:08:03.967 align:middle line:84% Because that seemed worse than anything, 00:08:03.967 --> 00:08:06.680 align:middle line:84% to write this book that I was troubled by. 00:08:06.680 --> 00:08:08.653 align:middle line:90% And then to do it halfway? 00:08:08.653 --> 00:08:10.070 align:middle line:84% That just seems, you might as well 00:08:10.070 --> 00:08:12.620 align:middle line:90% try to do it the best you can. 00:08:12.620 --> 00:08:14.990 align:middle line:84% Andrew, in fact, was someone who encouraged me to write 00:08:14.990 --> 00:08:16.445 align:middle line:90% a memoir while we were in-- 00:08:16.445 --> 00:08:19.470 align:middle line:84% you may not remember this, but you encouraged me. 00:08:19.470 --> 00:08:21.340 align:middle line:90% I was like no, no. 00:08:21.340 --> 00:08:23.010 align:middle line:84% So I ignored you for several years. 00:08:23.010 --> 00:08:25.260 align:middle line:84% I think he might have been the first person actually-- 00:08:25.260 --> 00:08:26.866 align:middle line:90% do you remember this? 00:08:26.866 --> 00:08:27.942 align:middle line:90% [INAUDIBLE] 00:08:27.942 --> 00:08:29.900 align:middle line:84% Yeah, you suggested that I really should do it. 00:08:29.900 --> 00:08:31.264 align:middle line:90% I was like, nah. 00:08:31.264 --> 00:08:32.659 align:middle line:90% He's an enabler. 00:08:32.659 --> 00:08:35.179 align:middle line:90% Yeah, he's an enabler. 00:08:35.179 --> 00:08:36.159 align:middle line:90% Yes, sir. 00:08:36.159 --> 00:08:36.740 align:middle line:90% Hi. 00:08:36.740 --> 00:08:39.740 align:middle line:90% You met [INAUDIBLE]. 00:08:39.740 --> 00:08:48.320 align:middle line:84% How has your disability affected and influenced your writing? 00:08:48.320 --> 00:08:52.190 align:middle line:84% It's a good question, because how 00:08:52.190 --> 00:08:54.960 align:middle line:84% is it affected-- it's kind of like the chicken and the egg, 00:08:54.960 --> 00:08:55.460 align:middle line:90% you know? 00:08:55.460 --> 00:08:56.290 align:middle line:90% Which came first? 00:08:56.290 --> 00:08:59.450 align:middle line:84% Not that my disability of course came first, but how do you-- 00:08:59.450 --> 00:09:02.900 align:middle line:84% it's almost like how do you separate the two? 00:09:02.900 --> 00:09:06.470 align:middle line:84% Like there's no doubt that my disability 00:09:06.470 --> 00:09:08.630 align:middle line:84% has affected my writing because I am my body. 00:09:08.630 --> 00:09:12.080 align:middle line:90% 00:09:12.080 --> 00:09:14.960 align:middle line:84% And so because my body is the thing that does the writing, 00:09:14.960 --> 00:09:19.340 align:middle line:84% and I look at creativity as a biological process, 00:09:19.340 --> 00:09:22.340 align:middle line:84% and it's a way of thinking and getting in-- 00:09:22.340 --> 00:09:25.100 align:middle line:84% when you talk about basketball players being in the zone, 00:09:25.100 --> 00:09:27.050 align:middle line:90% and making shots? 00:09:27.050 --> 00:09:30.470 align:middle line:84% I think writers get to that same condition 00:09:30.470 --> 00:09:32.920 align:middle line:84% where if you're writing every day, you get into the zone 00:09:32.920 --> 00:09:35.420 align:middle line:84% where you're writing well, and really that's about practice. 00:09:35.420 --> 00:09:38.070 align:middle line:84% But it's also training your mind to go to that place. 00:09:38.070 --> 00:09:42.480 align:middle line:84% And so I look at writing as a physical function in a way. 00:09:42.480 --> 00:09:44.900 align:middle line:84% And so there's no doubt that it's affected my writing. 00:09:44.900 --> 00:09:46.650 align:middle line:84% One way that I can think of is an easy way 00:09:46.650 --> 00:09:49.490 align:middle line:84% to answer your question is, I'm not 00:09:49.490 --> 00:09:53.185 align:middle line:84% able to say if I get an idea in the middle of the night, 00:09:53.185 --> 00:09:54.560 align:middle line:84% and I've already gone to bed, I'm 00:09:54.560 --> 00:09:56.805 align:middle line:84% not able to jump up and go write it down. 00:09:56.805 --> 00:09:59.180 align:middle line:84% And so the one thing I'd sort of trained myself not to do 00:09:59.180 --> 00:10:02.132 align:middle line:84% is like, once I'm in bed, just no thinking about writing. 00:10:02.132 --> 00:10:03.590 align:middle line:84% Because that's the thing, you know. 00:10:03.590 --> 00:10:04.910 align:middle line:90% It's torturous. 00:10:04.910 --> 00:10:07.310 align:middle line:84% Or you try to hold on to it all night all night long. 00:10:07.310 --> 00:10:10.080 align:middle line:84% But eventually you go to sleep, and you forget about it. 00:10:10.080 --> 00:10:11.570 align:middle line:84% And so I just retrained myself not 00:10:11.570 --> 00:10:13.310 align:middle line:84% to think about it while I'm in bed. 00:10:13.310 --> 00:10:16.700 align:middle line:84% While I cannot write, I just don't think about it. 00:10:16.700 --> 00:10:19.700 align:middle line:84% Because I don't have that same freedom to do it. 00:10:19.700 --> 00:10:21.173 align:middle line:90% So. 00:10:21.173 --> 00:10:23.090 align:middle line:84% I think we have time for a few more questions. 00:10:23.090 --> 00:10:27.880 align:middle line:90% 00:10:27.880 --> 00:10:36.070 align:middle line:84% I found in your memoir a great generosity towards the people 00:10:36.070 --> 00:10:40.730 align:middle line:84% in your life, an absence of anger. 00:10:40.730 --> 00:10:43.230 align:middle line:84% And I was quite impressed about that. 00:10:43.230 --> 00:10:51.280 align:middle line:84% In particular vignettes about able-bodied people 00:10:51.280 --> 00:10:57.010 align:middle line:84% who tend to lay everything in their life 00:10:57.010 --> 00:11:00.760 align:middle line:90% upon people with disabilities. 00:11:00.760 --> 00:11:06.460 align:middle line:84% I just wanted to say, I found it a very generous writing. 00:11:06.460 --> 00:11:09.077 align:middle line:90% I find that most people-- 00:11:09.077 --> 00:11:10.660 align:middle line:84% and I've had all kinds of experiences. 00:11:10.660 --> 00:11:12.370 align:middle line:84% In Tuscaloosa that people would come up to me 00:11:12.370 --> 00:11:14.703 align:middle line:84% and I'd be waiting to cross the street and someone would 00:11:14.703 --> 00:11:15.880 align:middle line:90% be like, can I pray for you? 00:11:15.880 --> 00:11:17.020 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 00:11:17.020 --> 00:11:19.212 align:middle line:90% And I'm like, I guess you can. 00:11:19.212 --> 00:11:21.795 align:middle line:84% But out of the corner of my eye I'd be watching the red light, 00:11:21.795 --> 00:11:24.410 align:middle line:84% like turn green, turn green, turn green. 00:11:24.410 --> 00:11:26.200 align:middle line:90% And so then I just take off. 00:11:26.200 --> 00:11:27.893 align:middle line:84% But they're coming from a sincere place. 00:11:27.893 --> 00:11:29.560 align:middle line:84% And they're coming from good intentions, 00:11:29.560 --> 00:11:32.710 align:middle line:84% and I've just never felt like it was 00:11:32.710 --> 00:11:37.150 align:middle line:84% right to come down on someone for that, for those reasons. 00:11:37.150 --> 00:11:38.650 align:middle line:84% Because I think most people are good 00:11:38.650 --> 00:11:43.330 align:middle line:84% hearted, and when they see me, often they're 00:11:43.330 --> 00:11:44.350 align:middle line:90% not seeing anything. 00:11:44.350 --> 00:11:46.750 align:middle line:84% They're saying like their own son, or their own brother, 00:11:46.750 --> 00:11:48.220 align:middle line:84% or their own mom or dad who might 00:11:48.220 --> 00:11:49.790 align:middle line:90% be dealing with these things. 00:11:49.790 --> 00:11:52.930 align:middle line:90% And that's OK. 00:11:52.930 --> 00:11:55.480 align:middle line:90% I mean, it is what it is. 00:11:55.480 --> 00:11:57.252 align:middle line:90% And anger to me it's just-- 00:11:57.252 --> 00:11:58.960 align:middle line:84% partially it's personality, but it's also 00:11:58.960 --> 00:12:00.790 align:middle line:90% seems like just wasted energy. 00:12:00.790 --> 00:12:04.247 align:middle line:84% Wasted energy that I could be using on other things. 00:12:04.247 --> 00:12:05.830 align:middle line:84% Someone this morning in class asked me 00:12:05.830 --> 00:12:12.330 align:middle line:84% if I had anger for the teacher who had let me ride the bike. 00:12:12.330 --> 00:12:14.080 align:middle line:84% And that would be understandable, I think. 00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:17.110 align:middle line:84% But no, I was never angry with her 00:12:17.110 --> 00:12:19.870 align:middle line:84% because one of the things I really 00:12:19.870 --> 00:12:23.860 align:middle line:84% learned from writing the memoir was that I realized 00:12:23.860 --> 00:12:25.990 align:middle line:90% how young everyone was. 00:12:25.990 --> 00:12:28.360 align:middle line:84% My parents were 30 years old when this happened. 00:12:28.360 --> 00:12:29.800 align:middle line:90% I was 12. 00:12:29.800 --> 00:12:34.150 align:middle line:90% The teacher was maybe 27. 00:12:34.150 --> 00:12:35.710 align:middle line:90% We were her first class. 00:12:35.710 --> 00:12:39.310 align:middle line:84% She was 28, we were her-- we were for her first students 00:12:39.310 --> 00:12:40.940 align:middle line:90% that she had ever had. 00:12:40.940 --> 00:12:44.660 align:middle line:84% And so I know that the guilt had to be incredible. 00:12:44.660 --> 00:12:48.130 align:middle line:84% And it was a different time, you know. 00:12:48.130 --> 00:12:51.760 align:middle line:84% Nowadays I think our sense of like safety practices 00:12:51.760 --> 00:12:52.930 align:middle line:90% would not be this-- 00:12:52.930 --> 00:12:54.160 align:middle line:90% it's very different. 00:12:54.160 --> 00:12:58.870 align:middle line:84% But I realize how young she was, and I only ever 00:12:58.870 --> 00:13:00.430 align:middle line:90% saw her twice after that. 00:13:00.430 --> 00:13:02.230 align:middle line:84% Once she came to visit me, and then 00:13:02.230 --> 00:13:05.470 align:middle line:84% once when I was in high school I saw her at a great distance. 00:13:05.470 --> 00:13:07.990 align:middle line:84% And she did-- something didn't look right about her, 00:13:07.990 --> 00:13:10.090 align:middle line:90% and she didn't look well. 00:13:10.090 --> 00:13:12.130 align:middle line:84% And what I realized was later on, 00:13:12.130 --> 00:13:14.530 align:middle line:84% I saw her obituary in the newspaper. 00:13:14.530 --> 00:13:16.880 align:middle line:90% She had died of breast cancer. 00:13:16.880 --> 00:13:17.800 align:middle line:90% And that had been-- 00:13:17.800 --> 00:13:21.640 align:middle line:90% and I was 18 then. 00:13:21.640 --> 00:13:23.980 align:middle line:84% From 12 to 18 it seems like a long time, 00:13:23.980 --> 00:13:27.220 align:middle line:84% but going back and realizing that was only six years. 00:13:27.220 --> 00:13:28.522 align:middle line:90% Six years isn't long at all. 00:13:28.522 --> 00:13:30.730 align:middle line:84% And I realized that she had gone from this happening, 00:13:30.730 --> 00:13:35.170 align:middle line:84% to her marriage breaking up, to dying. 00:13:35.170 --> 00:13:36.520 align:middle line:90% And her daughter was-- 00:13:36.520 --> 00:13:40.060 align:middle line:84% that daughter that I was talking about was now, 00:13:40.060 --> 00:13:41.830 align:middle line:90% she had no mother. 00:13:41.830 --> 00:13:44.140 align:middle line:84% And so no, I was never angry with her. 00:13:44.140 --> 00:13:46.480 align:middle line:84% It just it was something bad happened to her 00:13:46.480 --> 00:13:48.400 align:middle line:90% when this happened too. 00:13:48.400 --> 00:13:50.720 align:middle line:90% It affected everyone. 00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:52.720 align:middle line:84% So I don't want to claim all the badness for me, 00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:54.717 align:middle line:84% because it's not it's all happened to me, 00:13:54.717 --> 00:13:56.050 align:middle line:90% because it happened to everyone. 00:13:56.050 --> 00:14:00.592 align:middle line:84% My family, my friends, my people. 00:14:00.592 --> 00:14:02.530 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:14:02.530 --> 00:14:06.120 align:middle line:84% So what do you like about teaching writing? 00:14:06.120 --> 00:14:09.340 align:middle line:90% It's fun. 00:14:09.340 --> 00:14:11.790 align:middle line:84% You get to sit around and talk about words and ideas, 00:14:11.790 --> 00:14:15.270 align:middle line:90% and with smart people. 00:14:15.270 --> 00:14:17.970 align:middle line:84% You get to talk about what you love more than anything. 00:14:17.970 --> 00:14:21.010 align:middle line:90% And you get paid to do it. 00:14:21.010 --> 00:14:24.870 align:middle line:84% And I'm being crass, but it's really an amazing thing. 00:14:24.870 --> 00:14:28.530 align:middle line:84% Who would think that you could possibly 00:14:28.530 --> 00:14:32.070 align:middle line:84% have a chance in your life just to spend your life talking 00:14:32.070 --> 00:14:36.150 align:middle line:84% about words, about ideas, with smart young people? 00:14:36.150 --> 00:14:38.040 align:middle line:84% It's a great life, a great thing. 00:14:38.040 --> 00:14:41.280 align:middle line:84% And I love being able to reach people, too. 00:14:41.280 --> 00:14:43.230 align:middle line:84% Because sometimes you're teaching people, 00:14:43.230 --> 00:14:45.870 align:middle line:84% and I love that moment when the light bulb clicks on 00:14:45.870 --> 00:14:47.400 align:middle line:90% for someone, they get it. 00:14:47.400 --> 00:14:48.720 align:middle line:90% That's a great feeling. 00:14:48.720 --> 00:14:53.640 align:middle line:84% And it's the kind of openness and generosity I 00:14:53.640 --> 00:14:56.370 align:middle line:84% like in my writing, I feel like I can explore that 00:14:56.370 --> 00:14:58.110 align:middle line:90% in teaching too. 00:14:58.110 --> 00:14:59.400 align:middle line:90% And it's all of one. 00:14:59.400 --> 00:15:02.235 align:middle line:84% The more I teach, the more I write, I find. 00:15:02.235 --> 00:15:02.985 align:middle line:90% It's all together. 00:15:02.985 --> 00:15:08.920 align:middle line:90% 00:15:08.920 --> 00:15:10.130 align:middle line:90% Thank you very much, Paul. 00:15:10.130 --> 00:15:11.140 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:15:11.140 --> 00:15:14.190 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:15:14.190 --> 00:15:19.000 align:middle line:90%