WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.040 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:00:02.040 --> 00:00:03.720 align:middle line:90% Thank you so much. 00:00:03.720 --> 00:00:06.280 align:middle line:84% Thank you for that wonderful introduction. 00:00:06.280 --> 00:00:11.690 align:middle line:84% I can tell this looks like some mandatory shit. 00:00:11.690 --> 00:00:14.120 align:middle line:90% There's a lot of young people. 00:00:14.120 --> 00:00:17.270 align:middle line:90% I'm so sorry. 00:00:17.270 --> 00:00:18.950 align:middle line:90% I really actually am. 00:00:18.950 --> 00:00:27.380 align:middle line:84% Yeah, we'll see if we can make this tolerable and swift. 00:00:27.380 --> 00:00:30.200 align:middle line:90% It's always useful that way. 00:00:30.200 --> 00:00:35.030 align:middle line:84% OK, I wanted to thank the University for having me-- 00:00:35.030 --> 00:00:38.760 align:middle line:84% all the folks who worked hard to make this event. 00:00:38.760 --> 00:00:40.760 align:middle line:84% I mean, these are kind of funny because you just 00:00:40.760 --> 00:00:43.850 align:middle line:84% kind of show up and the chairs are already fucking out. 00:00:43.850 --> 00:00:46.470 align:middle line:84% And the moistest cake you ever ate is waiting in the back. 00:00:46.470 --> 00:00:46.970 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:46.970 --> 00:00:49.490 align:middle line:84% But of course, it's like a bunch of young folks 00:00:49.490 --> 00:00:50.570 align:middle line:90% who get no zero-- 00:00:50.570 --> 00:00:53.930 align:middle line:84% they get no money, zero money, who put this together usually. 00:00:53.930 --> 00:00:55.670 align:middle line:90% I want to thank them. 00:00:55.670 --> 00:00:58.070 align:middle line:84% I want to thank Professor Jason Brown because he really 00:00:58.070 --> 00:00:59.300 align:middle line:90% brought me out. 00:00:59.300 --> 00:01:01.110 align:middle line:84% And Jason's known me for a long time. 00:01:01.110 --> 00:01:04.489 align:middle line:84% So as I said before, bears repeating, that Jason's like-- 00:01:04.489 --> 00:01:08.330 align:middle line:84% he knew he had to lean on me to make sure that I made my flight 00:01:08.330 --> 00:01:11.270 align:middle line:84% and got all the things taken care of. 00:01:11.270 --> 00:01:16.850 align:middle line:84% And of course, again, finally, to y'all, like I said, 00:01:16.850 --> 00:01:18.320 align:middle line:90% twisted arms for some of you. 00:01:18.320 --> 00:01:21.080 align:middle line:84% Some of you are here because you all just said, fuck it, 00:01:21.080 --> 00:01:21.890 align:middle line:90% I'm bored. 00:01:21.890 --> 00:01:24.110 align:middle line:90% Let's see what's up. 00:01:24.110 --> 00:01:27.890 align:middle line:84% And either way, thank you for taking a little time. 00:01:27.890 --> 00:01:35.390 align:middle line:84% And it's a dwindling custom to go and do 00:01:35.390 --> 00:01:37.220 align:middle line:84% anything with the arts for a few minutes. 00:01:37.220 --> 00:01:44.510 align:middle line:84% So sort of one of our great threatened, 00:01:44.510 --> 00:01:47.570 align:middle line:90% but I think beloved, customs. 00:01:47.570 --> 00:01:51.023 align:middle line:84% So yeah, thanks you all because I know some of you guys 00:01:51.023 --> 00:01:52.190 align:middle line:90% have got other things to do. 00:01:52.190 --> 00:01:54.890 align:middle line:84% And I'm sure there's some people who had to get babysitters 00:01:54.890 --> 00:01:59.850 align:middle line:84% or brought the babies, which is always cool. 00:01:59.850 --> 00:02:02.710 align:middle line:84% So I'm going to read briefly and then take some questions. 00:02:02.710 --> 00:02:08.550 align:middle line:90% 00:02:08.550 --> 00:02:09.750 align:middle line:90% How's Arizona? 00:02:09.750 --> 00:02:11.460 align:middle line:90% I got to ask. 00:02:11.460 --> 00:02:13.650 align:middle line:90% I haven't been here in years. 00:02:13.650 --> 00:02:14.850 align:middle line:90% The weather is good. 00:02:14.850 --> 00:02:17.580 align:middle line:90% So how are you youth doing? 00:02:17.580 --> 00:02:20.448 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:20.448 --> 00:02:21.490 align:middle line:90% You all right? 00:02:21.490 --> 00:02:24.460 align:middle line:84% The school seems to treat you all right, 00:02:24.460 --> 00:02:30.049 align:middle line:84% or is this a lie perpetuated by the faculty. 00:02:30.049 --> 00:02:32.287 align:middle line:84% This is the nicest part right here. 00:02:32.287 --> 00:02:34.620 align:middle line:84% This is-- someone up front said this is the nicest time. 00:02:34.620 --> 00:02:37.820 align:middle line:90% 00:02:37.820 --> 00:02:39.950 align:middle line:84% Anybody know how many students are in this school? 00:02:39.950 --> 00:02:42.700 align:middle line:90% Not from the front row, please. 00:02:42.700 --> 00:02:46.456 align:middle line:84% In the back, how many kids are here at the school? 00:02:46.456 --> 00:02:47.860 align:middle line:90% 35,000. 00:02:47.860 --> 00:02:51.700 align:middle line:90% Holy shit, 35,000 is enormous. 00:02:51.700 --> 00:02:53.390 align:middle line:84% OK, I went to a big state school. 00:02:53.390 --> 00:02:55.120 align:middle line:84% I went to Rutgers, so we had about 42. 00:02:55.120 --> 00:03:01.990 align:middle line:90% 00:03:01.990 --> 00:03:03.850 align:middle line:90% Yeah, part of this book-- 00:03:03.850 --> 00:03:06.070 align:middle line:84% guys one thing about going to a big school-- probably 00:03:06.070 --> 00:03:09.340 align:middle line:84% some of you all wanted to go to a small school, maybe. 00:03:09.340 --> 00:03:12.970 align:middle line:84% But one thing is that you can date somebody, 00:03:12.970 --> 00:03:17.710 align:middle line:84% and they won't know anybody you fucking know, right? 00:03:17.710 --> 00:03:19.060 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:03:19.060 --> 00:03:22.270 align:middle line:84% At a small school, your exes will end up 00:03:22.270 --> 00:03:26.270 align:middle line:84% being roommates and shit, so this is a little easier. 00:03:26.270 --> 00:03:28.840 align:middle line:84% So you should appreciate it, young people. 00:03:28.840 --> 00:03:29.710 align:middle line:90% All right? 00:03:29.710 --> 00:03:31.870 align:middle line:84% So I'm just going to read something small 00:03:31.870 --> 00:03:36.070 align:middle line:84% and then take some questions and call it a day. 00:03:36.070 --> 00:03:40.090 align:middle line:84% Again, I'm a writer, and every now and then 00:03:40.090 --> 00:03:43.450 align:middle line:84% I force myself to write in forms that I, 00:03:43.450 --> 00:03:45.490 align:middle line:90% myself don't like to write. 00:03:45.490 --> 00:03:47.020 align:middle line:90% And so this is a part of that. 00:03:47.020 --> 00:03:50.530 align:middle line:84% I hate writing in the second person. 00:03:50.530 --> 00:03:54.230 align:middle line:84% The you form-- you know that shit? 00:03:54.230 --> 00:03:55.130 align:middle line:90% You do this. 00:03:55.130 --> 00:03:57.290 align:middle line:90% You do that. 00:03:57.290 --> 00:03:59.960 align:middle line:84% So I always try to write one piece in second person, 00:03:59.960 --> 00:04:01.760 align:middle line:90% and here it is. 00:04:01.760 --> 00:04:04.280 align:middle line:84% You don't have to know much about it 00:04:04.280 --> 00:04:07.295 align:middle line:84% except that the person who's the "you" 00:04:07.295 --> 00:04:11.430 align:middle line:84% is like a 13 or 14-year-old girl living in New Jersey. 00:04:11.430 --> 00:04:13.100 align:middle line:90% Her name is Lola. 00:04:13.100 --> 00:04:17.810 align:middle line:84% This is in the 80s when I still had tons of hair. 00:04:17.810 --> 00:04:23.000 align:middle line:84% And this is all you need to know, and that'll be that. 00:04:23.000 --> 00:04:26.150 align:middle line:84% It's from a section called "Wildwood," 00:04:26.150 --> 00:04:28.780 align:middle line:90% and it goes like this. 00:04:28.780 --> 00:04:33.830 align:middle line:84% "It's never the changes we want that change everything. 00:04:33.830 --> 00:04:37.180 align:middle line:84% This is how it all starts with your mother 00:04:37.180 --> 00:04:39.820 align:middle line:90% calling you into the bathroom. 00:04:39.820 --> 00:04:42.850 align:middle line:84% You will remember what you were doing at that precise moment 00:04:42.850 --> 00:04:45.040 align:middle line:90% for the rest of your life. 00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:47.770 align:middle line:84% You were reading Watership Down, and the rabbits 00:04:47.770 --> 00:04:49.540 align:middle line:84% were making their dash for the boat, 00:04:49.540 --> 00:04:51.970 align:middle line:84% and you did not want to stop reading. 00:04:51.970 --> 00:04:55.090 align:middle line:84% But then your mother called her again louder-- 00:04:55.090 --> 00:04:59.110 align:middle line:84% her I am not fucking around voice-- 00:04:59.110 --> 00:05:02.855 align:middle line:84% and you mumbled irritably, 'sí, señora.' 00:05:02.855 --> 00:05:05.230 align:middle line:84% Your mother was standing in front of the medicine cabinet 00:05:05.230 --> 00:05:09.190 align:middle line:84% mirror naked from the waist up, her bra slung around her 00:05:09.190 --> 00:05:11.950 align:middle line:84% like a torn sail, the scar on her back as 00:05:11.950 --> 00:05:14.440 align:middle line:90% vast and inconsolable as a sea. 00:05:14.440 --> 00:05:17.050 align:middle line:84% You want to return to your book to pretend you hadn't 00:05:17.050 --> 00:05:19.480 align:middle line:90% heard her, but it is too late. 00:05:19.480 --> 00:05:22.000 align:middle line:84% Her eyes meet yours, the same big smoky 00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:24.280 align:middle line:84% eyes you will have in the future. 00:05:24.280 --> 00:05:26.920 align:middle line:90% Ven acá, she commands. 00:05:26.920 --> 00:05:29.980 align:middle line:84% She is frowning at something on one of her breasts. 00:05:29.980 --> 00:05:32.320 align:middle line:84% For the record, your mother's breasts 00:05:32.320 --> 00:05:37.690 align:middle line:84% are immensities, one of the wonders of the world, yeah? 00:05:37.690 --> 00:05:40.240 align:middle line:84% The only ones that you've seen that are bigger 00:05:40.240 --> 00:05:45.310 align:middle line:84% are in nudie magazines and on really, really fat ladies. 00:05:45.310 --> 00:05:49.750 align:middle line:84% They're 35 triple D's, and the areolas are as big as saucers 00:05:49.750 --> 00:05:51.790 align:middle line:90% and as black as pitch. 00:05:51.790 --> 00:05:54.430 align:middle line:84% And at their edges are fierce little hairs 00:05:54.430 --> 00:05:57.820 align:middle line:84% that sometimes your mother plucks and sometimes she 00:05:57.820 --> 00:05:59.290 align:middle line:90% does not. 00:05:59.290 --> 00:06:01.900 align:middle line:84% These breasts have always embarrassed you, 00:06:01.900 --> 00:06:03.910 align:middle line:84% and when you walk in public with her, 00:06:03.910 --> 00:06:05.950 align:middle line:84% you are always conscious of them. 00:06:05.950 --> 00:06:08.410 align:middle line:84% After her face and her hair, her chest 00:06:08.410 --> 00:06:10.570 align:middle line:90% is what she is most proud of. 00:06:10.570 --> 00:06:13.780 align:middle line:84% 'Your father,' your mother likes to brag, 00:06:13.780 --> 00:06:16.480 align:middle line:84% 'could never get enough of these.' 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:19.300 align:middle line:84% But given the fact that he ran off on her, 00:06:19.300 --> 00:06:22.690 align:middle line:84% it seemed that in the end, he could, yeah? 00:06:22.690 --> 00:06:25.810 align:middle line:84% You dread conversations with your mother, 00:06:25.810 --> 00:06:28.360 align:middle line:90% those one sided dressing downs. 00:06:28.360 --> 00:06:30.880 align:middle line:84% You figured that she has called you in 00:06:30.880 --> 00:06:34.540 align:middle line:84% to give you another earful about your diet. 00:06:34.540 --> 00:06:38.230 align:middle line:84% Your mother is convinced that if you eat more plátanos, 00:06:38.230 --> 00:06:41.020 align:middle line:84% you will suddenly acquire her same extraordinary 00:06:41.020 --> 00:06:45.190 align:middle line:84% train-wrecking secondary sex characteristics. 00:06:45.190 --> 00:06:47.680 align:middle line:84% Even at that age, you were nothing if not 00:06:47.680 --> 00:06:48.910 align:middle line:90% your mother's daughter. 00:06:48.910 --> 00:06:52.150 align:middle line:84% You were 12 years old and already as tall as she was, 00:06:52.150 --> 00:06:55.270 align:middle line:84% a long slender necked ibis of a girl. 00:06:55.270 --> 00:06:57.850 align:middle line:84% You had her green eyes, clearer though, 00:06:57.850 --> 00:06:59.800 align:middle line:84% and her straight hair, which makes 00:06:59.800 --> 00:07:02.530 align:middle line:84% you look more Hindu than Dominican, 00:07:02.530 --> 00:07:04.540 align:middle line:84% and a behind that the boys have not 00:07:04.540 --> 00:07:07.810 align:middle line:84% been able to stop talking about since the fifth grade, 00:07:07.810 --> 00:07:11.500 align:middle line:84% but whose appeal you do not yet understand. 00:07:11.500 --> 00:07:14.530 align:middle line:84% You have your complexion too, which means you are dark. 00:07:14.530 --> 00:07:16.450 align:middle line:84% But for all of your similarities, 00:07:16.450 --> 00:07:20.140 align:middle line:84% the tides of inheritance have yet to reach your chest. 00:07:20.140 --> 00:07:22.510 align:middle line:84% You have only the slightest hint of breast. 00:07:22.510 --> 00:07:25.690 align:middle line:84% From most angles you are flat as a board. 00:07:25.690 --> 00:07:27.580 align:middle line:84% And you are thinking that your mother 00:07:27.580 --> 00:07:31.000 align:middle line:84% is going to order you to stop wearing bras again 00:07:31.000 --> 00:07:34.360 align:middle line:84% because in her words, they are suffocating 00:07:34.360 --> 00:07:37.510 align:middle line:84% your potential breasts, discouraging them 00:07:37.510 --> 00:07:39.190 align:middle line:90% from developing. 00:07:39.190 --> 00:07:41.590 align:middle line:84% You are ready to argue with her to the death 00:07:41.590 --> 00:07:44.590 align:middle line:84% because you are of possessive as your new bras 00:07:44.590 --> 00:07:48.310 align:middle line:84% as you are of the pads you can now buy yourself. 00:07:48.310 --> 00:07:51.040 align:middle line:84% But no, your mother doesn't say anything 00:07:51.040 --> 00:07:53.050 align:middle line:90% about eating more platanos. 00:07:53.050 --> 00:07:56.290 align:middle line:84% Instead, she takes your right hand and guides you. 00:07:56.290 --> 00:07:58.360 align:middle line:84% Your mother is rough in all things, 00:07:58.360 --> 00:08:00.880 align:middle line:90% but this time she is gentle. 00:08:00.880 --> 00:08:03.820 align:middle line:84% You did not think her capable of it. 00:08:03.820 --> 00:08:07.960 align:middle line:84% 'Do you feel that,' she asks you. 00:08:07.960 --> 00:08:10.660 align:middle line:84% At first, all you feel is the heat of her 00:08:10.660 --> 00:08:13.540 align:middle line:84% and the density of the tissue like a bread that 00:08:13.540 --> 00:08:15.160 align:middle line:90% has never stopped rising. 00:08:15.160 --> 00:08:17.530 align:middle line:84% She kneads your fingers into her. 00:08:17.530 --> 00:08:20.930 align:middle line:84% You're as close as the two of you will ever be. 00:08:20.930 --> 00:08:24.340 align:middle line:84% And your breathing is what you will remember. 00:08:24.340 --> 00:08:26.920 align:middle line:90% Don't you feel that? 00:08:26.920 --> 00:08:28.840 align:middle line:90% She turns towards you. 00:08:28.840 --> 00:08:31.150 align:middle line:90% Coño, muchacha del diablo. 00:08:31.150 --> 00:08:34.630 align:middle line:90% Stop looking at me and feel. 00:08:34.630 --> 00:08:38.610 align:middle line:84% So you close your eyes, and your fingers are pushing down. 00:08:38.610 --> 00:08:41.909 align:middle line:84% And you're thinking, of course, of Helen Keller 00:08:41.909 --> 00:08:44.740 align:middle line:84% and how when you were a little girl, 00:08:44.740 --> 00:08:47.640 align:middle line:84% you wanted to be like Helen Keller, except a little 00:08:47.640 --> 00:08:49.320 align:middle line:90% more nun-ish, yeah? 00:08:49.320 --> 00:08:50.940 align:middle line:84% And then suddenly, without warning, 00:08:50.940 --> 00:08:54.540 align:middle line:84% you do feel something, a knot just beneath her skin, 00:08:54.540 --> 00:08:57.000 align:middle line:90% tight and secretive as a plot. 00:08:57.000 --> 00:09:00.330 align:middle line:84% And at that moment, for reasons that you will never quite 00:09:00.330 --> 00:09:04.380 align:middle line:84% understand, you are overcome by the feeling, the premonition 00:09:04.380 --> 00:09:09.450 align:middle line:84% that something in your life is about to change. 00:09:09.450 --> 00:09:11.400 align:middle line:84% You become lightheaded, and you can 00:09:11.400 --> 00:09:14.040 align:middle line:90% feel a throbbing in your blood. 00:09:14.040 --> 00:09:17.400 align:middle line:84% Bright lights zoom through you like photon torpedoes, 00:09:17.400 --> 00:09:18.810 align:middle line:90% like comets. 00:09:18.810 --> 00:09:21.780 align:middle line:84% You do not know how or why you know this thing, 00:09:21.780 --> 00:09:24.660 align:middle line:84% but that you know it cannot be doubted. 00:09:24.660 --> 00:09:26.310 align:middle line:90% It is exhilarating. 00:09:26.310 --> 00:09:30.000 align:middle line:84% For as long as you have been alive you have had bruja ways. 00:09:30.000 --> 00:09:33.660 align:middle line:84% Even your mother will begrudge you that much. 00:09:33.660 --> 00:09:36.750 align:middle line:84% Hija de Liborio, she called you after you picked 00:09:36.750 --> 00:09:38.970 align:middle line:84% your tía's winning lottery number for her. 00:09:38.970 --> 00:09:42.270 align:middle line:84% And you assumed that Liborio was a relative. 00:09:42.270 --> 00:09:45.600 align:middle line:84% That was before Santo Domingo, before you knew 00:09:45.600 --> 00:09:48.450 align:middle line:90% about the great power of God. 00:09:48.450 --> 00:09:51.690 align:middle line:90% 'I feel it,' you say too loudly. 00:09:51.690 --> 00:09:56.700 align:middle line:84% 'Lo siento.' And like that, everything changes. 00:09:56.700 --> 00:09:59.160 align:middle line:84% Before the winter is out, the doctors 00:09:59.160 --> 00:10:01.770 align:middle line:84% remove the breast that you were kneading along 00:10:01.770 --> 00:10:04.600 align:middle line:90% with the axillary lymph node. 00:10:04.600 --> 00:10:06.640 align:middle line:84% Because of the operation, your mother 00:10:06.640 --> 00:10:08.500 align:middle line:84% will have trouble lifting her arm 00:10:08.500 --> 00:10:10.720 align:middle line:84% over her head for the rest of her life. 00:10:10.720 --> 00:10:13.720 align:middle line:84% Her hair begins falling out, and one day, she 00:10:13.720 --> 00:10:16.330 align:middle line:84% pulls all that's left out herself 00:10:16.330 --> 00:10:19.060 align:middle line:84% and puts it inside of a plastic bag. 00:10:19.060 --> 00:10:20.860 align:middle line:90% You change too. 00:10:20.860 --> 00:10:23.920 align:middle line:90% Not right away, but it happens. 00:10:23.920 --> 00:10:27.430 align:middle line:84% And it is in that bathroom where it all begins, 00:10:27.430 --> 00:10:30.400 align:middle line:90% where you begin." 00:10:30.400 --> 00:10:30.940 align:middle line:90% That's it. 00:10:30.940 --> 00:10:33.490 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:10:33.490 --> 00:10:34.090 align:middle line:90% Short. 00:10:34.090 --> 00:10:37.440 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:10:37.440 --> 00:10:45.000 align:middle line:90%