WEBVTT

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So now I skip you some more.

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And what ends up
happening here is

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that his idea about this
trip that she finally

00:00:10.790 --> 00:00:14.210 align:middle line:90%
decides to go on with him is--

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he thinks it will
be good if they just

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like got on the public buses.

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What we call the
públicos, the guaguas,

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whatever you call them.

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Like, he gets on
the public buses

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and just takes it for a
tour around the island.

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And she doesn't like that idea.

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She just wants to go to a
resort and swim, and just

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watch television.

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So they end up
arguing, blasé blah.

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And she ends up winning.

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No surprise.

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So here's what we pick up.

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"By the middle of day three of
our all-Quisqueya redemption

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tour, we were in an air
conditioned bungalow

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watching HBO,
exactly where I want

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to be when I'm in Santo
Domingo in a fucking resort.

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Magda is reading a book by
a Trappist in a better mood,

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I guess.

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And I was sitting on
the edge of the bed

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fingering my useless map.

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And I was thinking for
this I deserve something

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nice, something physical.

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Me and Magda were pretty
damn casual about sex.

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But since the breakup
shit had gotten weird.

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First of all, it ain't
regular like before.

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I'm lucky to start.

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I'm lucky to score
some once a week.

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And I have to nudge her to
start things up or we won't fuck

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at all, and she plays
like she doesn't want it,

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and sometimes she doesn't.

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And then I got to cool it.

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But other times she
does want it and I

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have to touch her
pussy, which is

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my way of initiating things of
saying so how about we kick it

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mommy.

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And she'll turn her head,
which is her way of saying,

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I am too proud to
acquiesce openly

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to your animal desires but--

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[LAUGHTER]

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--but if you continue
to put your finger in me

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I won't stop you.

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Today we started no problem
but then halfway through she

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said, "Wait.

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We shouldn't."

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And I wanted to know why.

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She closed her eyes like she
was embarrassed at herself.

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"Forget about it," she said,
moving her hips under me,

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"Just forget about it."

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I don't even want to
tell you where we're at.

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We're in Casa de Campo, the
resort that shame forgot.

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The average asshole
would love this place.

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It's the largest
wealthiest resort

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on the island, which means it's
a goddamn fortress walled away

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from everybody else with
security guards, and peacocks,

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and ambitious
topiaries everywhere.

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It advertised itself in the
States as its own country

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and it might as well be.

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It has its own airport,
36 holes of golf,

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and beaches so white
they ache to be trampled.

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And the only island Dominicans
you're guaranteed to see

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are either caked up or
changing your sheets.

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Let's just say that my
abuelo has never been there

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and neither has yours.

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This is where the Garcías and
the Colóns come to relax after

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a long month of
oppressing the masses,

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where the tutumpotes can trade
tips with their colleagues from

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abroad.

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If you chill here
too long, you'll

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be sure to have your ghetto
pass revoked no questions asked.

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We wake up bright and
early for the buffet

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and get served by cheerful
women in Aunt Jemima costumes.

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I shit you not,
these sisters even

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have to wear hankies
on their head.

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And Magda is scratching out a
couple of cards to her family

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and I want to talk
about the day before.

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But when I bring
it up she puts down

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her pen and jams on her shades.

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"I feel like you're
pressuring me," she says.

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"How am I pressuring
you," I ask.

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We get into one of those
no fun 20 minute arguments,

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which the waiters keep
interrupting by bringing over

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more orange juice and café,
the two things this island has

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plenty of.

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"I just want some space to
myself every now and then.

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Every time I'm with
you I have this sense

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that want something from me."

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"Time to yourself," I say.

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"What does that mean?"

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"Like maybe once a day you do
one thing and I do another."

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"Like when?

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Like now?"

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"It doesn't have to be now."

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She looks exasperated.

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"Why don't we just go
down to the beach."

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As we walk over to the
courtesy golf cart I say,

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"I feel like you rejected
my whole country, Magda."

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"Don't be ridiculous."

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She drops one hand in my lap.

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"I just wanted to relax.

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What's wrong with that?"

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The sun is blazing and
the blue of the ocean

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is an overload on the brain.

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Casa de Campo has got beaches
the way the rest of the island

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has got problems.

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These though have no
merengue, no little kids,

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nobody trying to sell
you chicharrones,

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and there is a massive
melanin deficit in evidence.

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Every 50 feet, there's
at least one euro fuck

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beached out on a towel like
some scary pale monster

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that the seas vomited up.

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They look like--

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[LAUGHTER]

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--they look like
philosophy professors,

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like budget Foucaults,
and too many of them

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are in the company of dark
assed Dominican girls.

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I mean it.

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These girls can't
be no older than 16

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and looked puro ingenio to me.

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You can tell by their
inability to communicate

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that these two didn't meet
back in their left bank days.

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Magda is rocking a dope
Ochun colored bikini

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that her girlfriends
helped her pick out

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just so she could torture me.

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And I'm in these old
ruined trunks that say,

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Sandy Hook Forever.

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I'll admit it--

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I'll admit it, with Magda
half naked in public,

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I'm feeling
vulnerable and uneasy.

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I put my hand on her knee.

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"I just wish you'd
say you love me."

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"Yunior please."

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"Can you say you like me a lot?"

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"Can you leave me alone.

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You are such a pestilence."

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So I let the sun stake
me out to the sand.

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It's disheartening me
and Magda together, we

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don't look like a couple.

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When she smiles, niggaz asks
for her hand in marriage.

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And when I smile, everybody's
looking for the exit.

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Magda has been a star the
whole time we've been here.

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You know how it is when
you're on the island

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and your girl's an octoroon,
the brothers go ape shit.

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On the buses the macho's
were like, Tú sí eres bella,

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muchacha.

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And every time I dip into
the water to go for a swim

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some Mediterranean messenger
of love starts rapping to her.

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And of course, I'm not polite.

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Why don't you beat it pancho.

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We're on our honeymoon here.

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And there's this one squid
who's mad persistent.

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Who even sits near us
so he can impress her

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with the hair
around his nipples.

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And instead of ignoring him, she
starts a conversation with him.

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And it turns out, yeah,
he's Dominican too

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from Quisqueya Heights.

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An Assistant DA, who
says he loves his people.

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Better I'm their
prosecutor he says.

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At least I understand them.

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And I'm thinking he sounds
like the sort of nigga who

00:07:25.910 --> 00:07:30.380 align:middle line:84%
in the old days used to lead
bwana to the rest of us.

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After three minutes of him
I can't take it no more,

00:07:33.680 --> 00:07:38.060 align:middle line:84%
and I say Magda stop
talking to that asshole.

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The assistant DA startles.

00:07:40.400 --> 00:07:44.810 align:middle line:84%
"I know you ain't
talking to me," he says.

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"Actually," I say.

00:07:47.270 --> 00:07:48.830 align:middle line:90%
"I am."

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"This is unbelievable,"
Magda says.

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She gets to her feet and walks
stiff legged towards the water.

00:07:55.670 --> 00:07:57.710 align:middle line:84%
She's got a half
moon of sand stuck

00:07:57.710 --> 00:08:00.950 align:middle line:84%
to her butt, a total
fucking heartbreak.

00:08:00.950 --> 00:08:04.520 align:middle line:84%
Homeboy says something else
to me but I'm not listening.

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I already know what she'll
say when she sits back down.

00:08:07.970 --> 00:08:12.620 align:middle line:84%
Time for you to do your
thing and me to do mine.

00:08:12.620 --> 00:08:13.712 align:middle line:90%
Thank you.

00:08:13.712 --> 00:08:17.156 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:08:17.156 --> 00:08:25.030 align:middle line:90%


00:08:25.030 --> 00:08:25.930 align:middle line:90%
See.

00:08:25.930 --> 00:08:30.926 align:middle line:90%
You keep it short, nobody dies.

00:08:30.926 --> 00:08:31.426 align:middle line:90%