WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.540 align:middle line:90%


00:00:00.540 --> 00:00:03.300 align:middle line:84%
So he wants to know
like, because we're old.

00:00:03.300 --> 00:00:04.620 align:middle line:90%
Or?

00:00:04.620 --> 00:00:05.190 align:middle line:90%
We're old.

00:00:05.190 --> 00:00:05.820 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:00:05.820 --> 00:00:07.440 align:middle line:84%
But so one of the
things you notice

00:00:07.440 --> 00:00:11.460 align:middle line:84%
is that we're looking back on
memories from our childhood.

00:00:11.460 --> 00:00:15.180 align:middle line:84%
And what motivates us or
draws us to writing about that

00:00:15.180 --> 00:00:19.260 align:middle line:84%
rather than looking
forward into the future.

00:00:19.260 --> 00:00:23.310 align:middle line:84%
And I mean there are a lot
of now poems and in the book

00:00:23.310 --> 00:00:24.600 align:middle line:90%
or that I'm writing about.

00:00:24.600 --> 00:00:27.880 align:middle line:84%
But I think one of
the things for me,

00:00:27.880 --> 00:00:30.360 align:middle line:84%
one of the reasons why I
write is because I don't quite

00:00:30.360 --> 00:00:31.720 align:middle line:90%
understand things.

00:00:31.720 --> 00:00:34.990 align:middle line:84%
And so I write, and
I've said this before,

00:00:34.990 --> 00:00:37.770 align:middle line:84%
but I write about the things
that keep me up at night.

00:00:37.770 --> 00:00:39.420 align:middle line:84%
Or the things that
I worry about.

00:00:39.420 --> 00:00:40.680 align:middle line:90%
The things I wonder about.

00:00:40.680 --> 00:00:42.600 align:middle line:84%
Or things I've seen
that I don't understand

00:00:42.600 --> 00:00:45.060 align:middle line:84%
how these things could happen
or why they've happened.

00:00:45.060 --> 00:00:46.620 align:middle line:84%
And I know I'll
never get an answer.

00:00:46.620 --> 00:00:49.260 align:middle line:84%
But somehow writing about
them gets me close enough

00:00:49.260 --> 00:00:52.920 align:middle line:84%
to hold them in a place where
I can make a new meaning out

00:00:52.920 --> 00:00:54.190 align:middle line:90%
of them.

00:00:54.190 --> 00:00:57.030 align:middle line:84%
And so for me, looking back,
the childhood things, those

00:00:57.030 --> 00:00:59.070 align:middle line:84%
are the things I have a
different kind of access

00:00:59.070 --> 00:01:04.860 align:middle line:84%
to in a different kind of I
guess knowing or wonder about.

00:01:04.860 --> 00:01:05.967 align:middle line:90%
But, yeah.

00:01:05.967 --> 00:01:08.550 align:middle line:84%
I mean I think for me especially
because when I wrote the book

00:01:08.550 --> 00:01:09.990 align:middle line:90%
I was away.

00:01:09.990 --> 00:01:10.865 align:middle line:90%
I was away from home.

00:01:10.865 --> 00:01:13.032 align:middle line:84%
And I so I've recently moved
back to my reservation,

00:01:13.032 --> 00:01:13.810 align:middle line:90%
but I was away.

00:01:13.810 --> 00:01:17.800 align:middle line:84%
And so that was also
something, that separation.

00:01:17.800 --> 00:01:18.300 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:01:18.300 --> 00:01:19.860 align:middle line:90%
So I mean I think--.

00:01:19.860 --> 00:01:20.360 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:01:20.360 --> 00:01:21.860 align:middle line:84%
You know, I actually
remember asking

00:01:21.860 --> 00:01:24.450 align:middle line:84%
that very same question to all
my teachers in graduate school.

00:01:24.450 --> 00:01:27.900 align:middle line:84%
And my teacher
said, I don't know.

00:01:27.900 --> 00:01:30.120 align:middle line:84%
But when I think
about it is, when

00:01:30.120 --> 00:01:33.500 align:middle line:84%
I think about my adolescence or
early childhood, these memories

00:01:33.500 --> 00:01:36.600 align:middle line:84%
I keep thinking
about, writing about,

00:01:36.600 --> 00:01:39.270 align:middle line:84%
those were moments in my life
where I really have no agency.

00:01:39.270 --> 00:01:42.810 align:middle line:84%
I didn't have the
ability or the--

00:01:42.810 --> 00:01:46.030 align:middle line:84%
I didn't have the ability
to speak up for myself.

00:01:46.030 --> 00:01:49.110 align:middle line:84%
So when I write about these
memories, this past event,

00:01:49.110 --> 00:01:53.910 align:middle line:84%
it's me trying to assert myself
in that moment and that moment

00:01:53.910 --> 00:01:54.810 align:middle line:90%
in time.

00:01:54.810 --> 00:01:57.000 align:middle line:90%
Giving myself voice, finally.

00:01:57.000 --> 00:01:58.290 align:middle line:90%
Not being very passive.

00:01:58.290 --> 00:02:00.390 align:middle line:84%
I'm shaping that
memory, I'm shaping

00:02:00.390 --> 00:02:02.820 align:middle line:84%
that experience the way
I kind of remember it

00:02:02.820 --> 00:02:04.860 align:middle line:84%
or the way my imagination
wants to take it.

00:02:04.860 --> 00:02:09.720 align:middle line:84%
So, I enjoy that, not being
invisible or voiceless

00:02:09.720 --> 00:02:12.499 align:middle line:90%
anymore in my own past.

00:02:12.499 --> 00:02:13.000 align:middle line:90%