WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.840 align:middle line:90%


00:00:00.840 --> 00:00:01.520 align:middle line:90%
"Roaches."

00:00:01.520 --> 00:00:04.680 align:middle line:90%


00:00:04.680 --> 00:00:05.955 align:middle line:90%
This refers to the critters.

00:00:05.955 --> 00:00:08.665 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHTER]

00:00:08.665 --> 00:00:11.900 align:middle line:90%


00:00:11.900 --> 00:00:16.100 align:middle line:84%
"An old decrepit city like
London doesn't have any.

00:00:16.100 --> 00:00:19.070 align:middle line:84%
They ought to love it there
in those smelly, elegant

00:00:19.070 --> 00:00:20.540 align:middle line:90%
buildings.

00:00:20.540 --> 00:00:25.070 align:middle line:84%
Surely I myself have smuggled
some in my luggage but they

00:00:25.070 --> 00:00:27.740 align:middle line:84%
obviously don't
like the English--

00:00:27.740 --> 00:00:29.690 align:middle line:84%
for that alone I
should love them.

00:00:29.690 --> 00:00:32.468 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHTER]

00:00:32.468 --> 00:00:35.710 align:middle line:90%


00:00:35.710 --> 00:00:37.410 align:middle line:84%
They are among the
most attractive

00:00:37.410 --> 00:00:40.470 align:middle line:84%
and brightest of small
creatures though you

00:00:40.470 --> 00:00:44.190 align:middle line:84%
have to be prepared for the
look of uncomprehending horror

00:00:44.190 --> 00:00:46.920 align:middle line:84%
on the faces of
out-of-town guests

00:00:46.920 --> 00:00:49.560 align:middle line:84%
when a large roach
walks across the floor

00:00:49.560 --> 00:00:51.990 align:middle line:90%
as you are sipping drinks.

00:00:51.990 --> 00:00:55.620 align:middle line:84%
You reach out and swat, and
keeping the conversation

00:00:55.620 --> 00:01:01.650 align:middle line:84%
going pick up the corpse and
drop it into an ashtray feeling

00:01:01.650 --> 00:01:05.099 align:middle line:90%
very New Yorky doing it.

00:01:05.099 --> 00:01:07.950 align:middle line:84%
After all, you've got to
be tough to live here--

00:01:07.950 --> 00:01:11.520 align:middle line:90%
the visitor didn't make it.

00:01:11.520 --> 00:01:14.100 align:middle line:90%
Roaches also thrive on it here--

00:01:14.100 --> 00:01:18.720 align:middle line:84%
they set up lively communes and
open boxes of rice, spaghetti,

00:01:18.720 --> 00:01:20.640 align:middle line:90%
and matzohs.

00:01:20.640 --> 00:01:22.890 align:middle line:84%
You come in to make
coffee in the morning

00:01:22.890 --> 00:01:26.670 align:middle line:84%
and find a dead one floating
in the kettle and dots of road

00:01:26.670 --> 00:01:31.275 align:middle line:84%
shit on the dishes, hinting at
roachy rebels the night before.

00:01:31.275 --> 00:01:33.850 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHTER]

00:01:33.850 --> 00:01:35.640 align:middle line:90%


00:01:35.640 --> 00:01:38.760 align:middle line:84%
If you let them alone, they
stop running at the sight of you

00:01:38.760 --> 00:01:41.880 align:middle line:84%
and whisker about taking a
certain interest in whatever

00:01:41.880 --> 00:01:43.320 align:middle line:90%
you are doing.

00:01:43.320 --> 00:01:47.670 align:middle line:84%
And the little ones, expecting
like all babies to be adored,

00:01:47.670 --> 00:01:51.960 align:middle line:84%
frolic innocently in the sink,
even in daytime when grown up

00:01:51.960 --> 00:01:55.830 align:middle line:84%
roaches rest after a night of
swarming around the garbage

00:01:55.830 --> 00:01:57.480 align:middle line:90%
bag.

00:01:57.480 --> 00:02:00.870 align:middle line:84%
The trouble with this approach
is they out breed you and take

00:02:00.870 --> 00:02:06.030 align:middle line:84%
over, even moving socially right
into your bed, which brings up

00:02:06.030 --> 00:02:08.610 align:middle line:90%
the question, do they bite?

00:02:08.610 --> 00:02:13.050 align:middle line:84%
Some say yes, and if yes, do
they carry oriental diseases?

00:02:13.050 --> 00:02:15.960 align:middle line:90%


00:02:15.960 --> 00:02:18.300 align:middle line:84%
Even though you have
tried to accept them

00:02:18.300 --> 00:02:22.320 align:middle line:84%
there comes a point when you
find your eyes studying labels

00:02:22.320 --> 00:02:26.820 align:middle line:84%
of roach killers on
supermarket shelves,

00:02:26.820 --> 00:02:30.540 align:middle line:84%
decide to try a minimal
approach, buy one,

00:02:30.540 --> 00:02:33.690 align:middle line:84%
but when you come
with spray can aimed

00:02:33.690 --> 00:02:36.360 align:middle line:90%
they quickly learn to flee.

00:02:36.360 --> 00:02:40.440 align:middle line:84%
The fastest of course live to
multiply so they get clever

00:02:40.440 --> 00:02:45.960 align:middle line:84%
all the time with kamikaze
leaping into space,

00:02:45.960 --> 00:02:50.400 align:middle line:84%
or zigzagging away, race into
far corners of the apartment

00:02:50.400 --> 00:02:53.490 align:middle line:84%
where they drop egg sacs
in their last throes

00:02:53.490 --> 00:02:56.790 align:middle line:84%
and start ineradicable
new colonies.

00:02:56.790 --> 00:02:59.160 align:middle line:84%
When you light the
oven they come out

00:02:59.160 --> 00:03:02.280 align:middle line:84%
and dance on the hot
stove top clinging

00:03:02.280 --> 00:03:06.210 align:middle line:84%
with the tips of their toes,
surviving by quick footwork

00:03:06.210 --> 00:03:08.820 align:middle line:90%
until you swat them.

00:03:08.820 --> 00:03:11.760 align:middle line:84%
Or if you spray it
first you have the smell

00:03:11.760 --> 00:03:13.575 align:middle line:90%
of roaches roasting slowly.

00:03:13.575 --> 00:03:16.465 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHTER]

00:03:16.465 --> 00:03:18.460 align:middle line:90%


00:03:18.460 --> 00:03:20.550 align:middle line:84%
And when you wash
them down the drain

00:03:20.550 --> 00:03:23.310 align:middle line:84%
without their being
certifiably dead

00:03:23.310 --> 00:03:25.665 align:middle line:84%
do they crawl up when
the coast is clear?

00:03:25.665 --> 00:03:29.280 align:middle line:90%


00:03:29.280 --> 00:03:33.660 align:middle line:84%
Some even survive the deadliest
poisons devised by man

00:03:33.660 --> 00:03:38.850 align:middle line:84%
and you have weird white
mutations running about.

00:03:38.850 --> 00:03:41.760 align:middle line:84%
Dying, they climb the
walls, or up your legs,

00:03:41.760 --> 00:03:45.540 align:middle line:84%
in agony, making you
feel like a dirty rat,

00:03:45.540 --> 00:03:51.690 align:middle line:84%
until they fall upside down with
frail legs waving in the air.

00:03:51.690 --> 00:03:55.200 align:middle line:84%
No more half measures--
it's them or us you

00:03:55.200 --> 00:03:58.530 align:middle line:84%
finally realize and
decide on nothing

00:03:58.530 --> 00:04:01.320 align:middle line:90%
less than total fumigation.

00:04:01.320 --> 00:04:03.870 align:middle line:84%
The man comes while
you are out and you

00:04:03.870 --> 00:04:07.920 align:middle line:84%
return to a silent apartment,
blissfully roach-free.

00:04:07.920 --> 00:04:11.970 align:middle line:84%
You vacuum up the scattered
bodies of the unlucky, pushing

00:04:11.970 --> 00:04:14.910 align:middle line:84%
down guilty feelings,
lonely feelings,

00:04:14.910 --> 00:04:17.230 align:middle line:90%
and congratulate yourself.

00:04:17.230 --> 00:04:25.980 align:middle line:84%
You booby, they have only moved
over to the neighbor's and she

00:04:25.980 --> 00:04:28.380 align:middle line:90%
too is forced to fumigate.

00:04:28.380 --> 00:04:31.680 align:middle line:84%
And just when you are on
the princess phone crowing

00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:36.390 align:middle line:84%
to your friends, back they
come, the whole tribe of them,

00:04:36.390 --> 00:04:40.380 align:middle line:84%
many gone now due to their
trivial lifespan and chemical

00:04:40.380 --> 00:04:43.440 align:middle line:84%
adversaries but more
numerous than ever

00:04:43.440 --> 00:04:46.110 align:middle line:84%
with the new born
and all the relatives

00:04:46.110 --> 00:04:48.810 align:middle line:84%
from next door in the
neighborhood with them,

00:04:48.810 --> 00:04:52.650 align:middle line:84%
you standing there outraged
but secretly relieved

00:04:52.650 --> 00:04:55.770 align:middle line:84%
as they swarm into the
kitchen from every crevice,

00:04:55.770 --> 00:04:58.500 align:middle line:84%
glad to be home, the
eternal innocents,

00:04:58.500 --> 00:05:01.020 align:middle line:90%
greeting you joyfully.

00:05:01.020 --> 00:05:04.070 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:05:04.070 --> 00:05:10.000 align:middle line:90%