WEBVTT

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I'm going to excerpt
from the last section

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and I want to explain
something first,

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because what invariably happens
is that I underestimate,

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as I did this evening how
long I would putter along

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in the other poems, and wind up
excerpting the fewest from what

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is I think, the longest
section the last in this book,

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it's called "Constant Feelings."

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And what I really wanted to do
after I realized I was doing

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a cheater's version of a
long poem, i.e. a sequence--

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And after I realized
I was doing a sequence

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and after I realized
what it was about,

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and after I realized
where it might go,

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after I'd stumbled
long enough that

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is to have discovered
something I hoped,

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I wanted to create an
affirmative but not simple

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minded statement
based on the facts.

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So I of course, can't say
whether I succeeded or not,

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but finally the book does end
on what the conductor used

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to call the upbeat.

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And I'll excerpt just a
few to try to indicate it.

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I promised I would
read these first two

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ones called the oldest child.

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My oldest son is 12,
his name is Nathan,

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and the oldest child always
has a special role of course,

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because he has to
educate the parents,

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and he goes through
his childhood

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as if he were beating his
head against the stone wall

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makes it easier
for the next child.

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So this is called
"The Oldest Child."

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Nathan, precedes by his head as
through stone walls or an arrow

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through a conduit.

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But the substance
of this pointed love

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cuts deep channels a
bucket couldn't touch.

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His bloodletting, and
heartbreaking, and the crush

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of bone wanting breath.

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Nathan, proceeds
as if he believed

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everything will be all right
if we can put on the thimbles.

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It will be OK when
we cover the candles,

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and so move into the dark
without weapons, alright,

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when the white
weave of intentions

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is brought to
surgery in the poem.

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Nathan, helpless before
his soft insides.

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Nathan, with real
and natural mothers.

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Nathan, like water to
whom ice has closed off

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the avenues of escape.

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Nathan, goes forward
past stars, fathers,

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dark to his own lights.

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His glands swell,
his heart hardens.