WEBVTT

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"Failure"

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To pay for my
father's funeral, I

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borrowed money from people
he already owed money to.

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One called him a nobody.

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No, I said, he was a failure.

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You can't remember
a nobody's name.

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That's why they're
called nobodies.

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Failures are unforgettable.

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The rabbi who read
a stock eulogy

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about a man who didn't belong to
anything or believe in anything

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was both a failure and a nobody.

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He failed to imagine the son
and wife of the dead man being

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shamed by each word.

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To understand that not believing
in or belonging to anything

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demanded a kind of
faith and buoyancy.

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An uncle counting on his fingers
my father's business failures,

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a parking lot that
raised geese, a motel

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that raffled honeymoons, a
bowling alley with roving

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mariachis, failed to love
and honor his brother,

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who showed him how to
whistle undercover,

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steal apples with his
right or left hand.

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Indeed, my father was comical.

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His watches pinched, he
tripped on his pant cuffs,

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and snored loudly in movies,
where his weariness overcame

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him finally.

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He didn't believe in savings,
insurance, newspapers,

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vegetables, good or evil,
human frailty, history, or God.

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Our family avoid
us, fearing boils.

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I left town, but
failed to get away.

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