In this poem, which is called "The Defeated",
I would like to tell you that-- to make a distinction.
There are two men in the poem.
One person is someone who I had been married to for eight years
and the other one is a man who I was
beginning a relationship with.
"The Defeated".
"I sat at the desk for a while fooling with my hair
and looking at the black birds on the bakery roof.
Pulled the curtain, put my hair back,
and said it's time to start.
Now it's after three.
You are still on the bus, I guess, looking out the window.
Sleeping.
Knowing your defeat and eating lunch part by part
so it will last the whole journey.
I heard there are women who light candles and put them
in the sand.
Wade out in dresses carrying flowers.
Here we have no hope.
The pregnant woman has the abortion
and then refuses to speak.
Horses stall in their strength, whitening patches of air
with their breath.
There will be this going on without them.
Dogs bark or five birds fly straight
up to a branch out of reach.
I had warm pumpernickel bread, cheese and chicken.
It is sunny outside.
I miss you.
My head is tired.
John was nice this morning.
Already what I remember most is the happiness of seeing you.
Having tea.
Falling asleep.
Waking up with you there awake in the kitchen.
It was like being alive twice.
I'll try to tell you better when I am stronger.
What does the moth think when the skin begins to split?
Is the air an astonishing pain?
I keep seeing the arms bent.
The legs smashed up against the breasts, with her sex showing.
The weak hands clenched.
I see the sad, unused face.
Then she starts to stand up in the opening out.
I know ground and trees.
I know air.
But then everything else stops because I don't
know what happens after that."