WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.140 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.140 --> 00:00:07.180 align:middle line:84% For my last piece, I would like to read a segmented essay. 00:00:07.180 --> 00:00:13.830 align:middle line:84% This is an essay in fragments focused around a theme. 00:00:13.830 --> 00:00:19.710 align:middle line:84% This piece explores notions of ethnicity, identity, skin tone, 00:00:19.710 --> 00:00:21.360 align:middle line:90% and race. 00:00:21.360 --> 00:00:23.355 align:middle line:90% This piece is called "White". 00:00:23.355 --> 00:00:28.610 align:middle line:90% 00:00:28.610 --> 00:00:30.260 align:middle line:90% Number one. 00:00:30.260 --> 00:00:32.689 align:middle line:90% Cream. 00:00:32.689 --> 00:00:36.440 align:middle line:84% With a cup of strong coffee and five packets of creamer, 00:00:36.440 --> 00:00:38.685 align:middle line:84% I can approximate the skin tone of the nine 00:00:38.685 --> 00:00:39.935 align:middle line:90% members of my mother's family. 00:00:39.935 --> 00:00:44.140 align:middle line:90% 00:00:44.140 --> 00:00:45.580 align:middle line:90% Two. 00:00:45.580 --> 00:00:47.830 align:middle line:90% Milk. 00:00:47.830 --> 00:00:51.040 align:middle line:84% I never see the shadow or the red carton flash, 00:00:51.040 --> 00:00:53.620 align:middle line:84% and even when the pint of milk explodes against my friend's 00:00:53.620 --> 00:00:56.740 align:middle line:84% head, I'm late to understand what the Chicano boy means 00:00:56.740 --> 00:01:00.640 align:middle line:84% when he curses from the sidewalk at my junior high cafeteria, 00:01:00.640 --> 00:01:01.610 align:middle line:90% shit. 00:01:01.610 --> 00:01:02.920 align:middle line:90% Missed that honky. 00:01:02.920 --> 00:01:06.180 align:middle line:90% 00:01:06.180 --> 00:01:07.560 align:middle line:90% Three. 00:01:07.560 --> 00:01:09.793 align:middle line:90% Dough. 00:01:09.793 --> 00:01:11.460 align:middle line:84% I watched my mother and grandmother cook 00:01:11.460 --> 00:01:15.270 align:middle line:84% in the kitchen, rolling pin thumping, mixing flour, salt, 00:01:15.270 --> 00:01:18.780 align:middle line:84% and baking soda as effortlessly as Spanish and English. 00:01:18.780 --> 00:01:19.380 align:middle line:90% De veras? 00:01:19.380 --> 00:01:20.670 align:middle line:90% my grandmother asks. 00:01:20.670 --> 00:01:22.440 align:middle line:90% Oh, sí, my mother replies. 00:01:22.440 --> 00:01:24.660 align:middle line:90% Every word. 00:01:24.660 --> 00:01:27.690 align:middle line:84% I eat my tortillas hot and whole and plain, 00:01:27.690 --> 00:01:29.820 align:middle line:84% nourishing myself on these ingredients 00:01:29.820 --> 00:01:31.440 align:middle line:90% as if this really were my bread. 00:01:31.440 --> 00:01:37.020 align:middle line:90% 00:01:37.020 --> 00:01:38.370 align:middle line:90% Four. 00:01:38.370 --> 00:01:41.210 align:middle line:90% Lard. 00:01:41.210 --> 00:01:44.030 align:middle line:84% My mother has her own philosophy about beans. 00:01:44.030 --> 00:01:45.830 align:middle line:84% Instead of spooning in the traditional curl 00:01:45.830 --> 00:01:49.250 align:middle line:84% of Snowcap pig's fat, she adds bay leaves, olive oil, 00:01:49.250 --> 00:01:51.170 align:middle line:90% sea salt, and garlic. 00:01:51.170 --> 00:01:53.180 align:middle line:84% She cooks her pintos all day all day 00:01:53.180 --> 00:01:56.300 align:middle line:84% or a low gas flame, in the pyrex pot, 00:01:56.300 --> 00:01:59.990 align:middle line:84% until the broth bubbles a rich murky brown. 00:01:59.990 --> 00:02:02.690 align:middle line:84% When an aunt, or a neighbor visits for supper, they always 00:02:02.690 --> 00:02:05.870 align:middle line:84% frown from their first tablespoon sip, "Good", 00:02:05.870 --> 00:02:08.690 align:middle line:90% they say, "but different." 00:02:08.690 --> 00:02:11.900 align:middle line:84% To which my mother replies, "Exactly." 00:02:11.900 --> 00:02:15.740 align:middle line:90% 00:02:15.740 --> 00:02:17.070 align:middle line:90% Five. 00:02:17.070 --> 00:02:19.640 align:middle line:90% Egg shell. 00:02:19.640 --> 00:02:21.470 align:middle line:84% Ricky Sandoval pins me by the throat 00:02:21.470 --> 00:02:24.380 align:middle line:84% against the C-building locker, the combination spinning 00:02:24.380 --> 00:02:28.370 align:middle line:84% beside my head, and slaps me on one cheek, then the other, 00:02:28.370 --> 00:02:30.725 align:middle line:84% until my composure cracks, my eyes water, 00:02:30.725 --> 00:02:33.050 align:middle line:90% and my face burns red. 00:02:33.050 --> 00:02:36.095 align:middle line:84% "See." he says, "That's all you need, a little color." 00:02:36.095 --> 00:02:40.890 align:middle line:90% 00:02:40.890 --> 00:02:42.145 align:middle line:90% Six. 00:02:42.145 --> 00:02:42.645 align:middle line:90% Scarred. 00:02:42.645 --> 00:02:45.360 align:middle line:90% 00:02:45.360 --> 00:02:48.000 align:middle line:84% The razor is too dull to cut so I scratch 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:49.800 align:middle line:84% a fingernail on the back of my left hand, 00:02:49.800 --> 00:02:52.230 align:middle line:90% hoping my big brother will see. 00:02:52.230 --> 00:02:53.895 align:middle line:84% He yanks me off the front porch anyway 00:02:53.895 --> 00:02:56.437 align:middle line:84% and and into the kitchen, where he and his fatherless friends 00:02:56.437 --> 00:02:58.380 align:middle line:90% have found a better way to scar. 00:02:58.380 --> 00:03:00.900 align:middle line:84% A curtain pin, heated orange on the gas range, 00:03:00.900 --> 00:03:03.090 align:middle line:84% and press to the tender fold between the thumb 00:03:03.090 --> 00:03:05.765 align:middle line:84% and the forefinger, into the shape of a cross. 00:03:05.765 --> 00:03:07.140 align:middle line:84% Into the symbol of belonging he's 00:03:07.140 --> 00:03:09.720 align:middle line:90% seen on Brown Chicano fists. 00:03:09.720 --> 00:03:11.820 align:middle line:84% He holds my arm tight against the formica counter, 00:03:11.820 --> 00:03:15.270 align:middle line:84% while I close my eyes, and still see the blue flame. 00:03:15.270 --> 00:03:18.900 align:middle line:84% The vodka shot, cold water blast. 00:03:18.900 --> 00:03:21.060 align:middle line:84% I stand beside him as our matching crucifixes 00:03:21.060 --> 00:03:23.740 align:middle line:90% swell with blood. 00:03:23.740 --> 00:03:25.700 align:middle line:84% Afterward, we raid vegetable gardens, 00:03:25.700 --> 00:03:28.390 align:middle line:84% set pampas plumes alight, and bust phone booths 00:03:28.390 --> 00:03:32.980 align:middle line:84% until glass drips from our denim jackets like rain. 00:03:32.980 --> 00:03:35.380 align:middle line:84% I picked the scab to keep the scar alive, 00:03:35.380 --> 00:03:38.680 align:middle line:84% but my cross fades first, swallowed by pale skin. 00:03:38.680 --> 00:03:43.790 align:middle line:90% 00:03:43.790 --> 00:03:45.320 align:middle line:90% Seven. 00:03:45.320 --> 00:03:47.180 align:middle line:90% Liquid paper. 00:03:47.180 --> 00:03:49.550 align:middle line:90% "No, we are not Mexican." 00:03:49.550 --> 00:03:50.810 align:middle line:90% My mother says. 00:03:50.810 --> 00:03:51.410 align:middle line:90% "Chicano?" 00:03:51.410 --> 00:03:52.220 align:middle line:90% I ask. 00:03:52.220 --> 00:03:53.930 align:middle line:90% "No," she snickers. 00:03:53.930 --> 00:03:54.980 align:middle line:90% "Spanish?" 00:03:54.980 --> 00:03:56.150 align:middle line:90% "No," 00:03:56.150 --> 00:03:57.980 align:middle line:84% "Then what do I say on my report?" 00:03:57.980 --> 00:03:59.630 align:middle line:90% "Don't say anything." 00:03:59.630 --> 00:04:00.380 align:middle line:90% "What about Irish? 00:04:00.380 --> 00:04:01.400 align:middle line:90% Like Dad." 00:04:01.400 --> 00:04:02.840 align:middle line:90% "Your father wasn't Irish. 00:04:02.840 --> 00:04:04.760 align:middle line:90% He was Scottish French." 00:04:04.760 --> 00:04:06.380 align:middle line:90% "Wasn't your grandma Italian? 00:04:06.380 --> 00:04:08.280 align:middle line:84% Isn't that where I got my red hair." 00:04:08.280 --> 00:04:09.590 align:middle line:90% "Your hair is not red. 00:04:09.590 --> 00:04:10.700 align:middle line:90% It's auburn. 00:04:10.700 --> 00:04:12.470 align:middle line:84% And if you really want to know the truth, 00:04:12.470 --> 00:04:14.703 align:middle line:90% my family is Basque." 00:04:14.703 --> 00:04:15.620 align:middle line:90% "How do you spell it?" 00:04:15.620 --> 00:04:19.450 align:middle line:90% 00:04:19.450 --> 00:04:20.860 align:middle line:90% Eight. 00:04:20.860 --> 00:04:22.990 align:middle line:90% Lotion. 00:04:22.990 --> 00:04:25.120 align:middle line:90% Shake well before using. 00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:28.510 align:middle line:84% Blend evenly over freshly cleaned skin. 00:04:28.510 --> 00:04:31.960 align:middle line:84% Apply sparingly around elbows, knees, and ankles. 00:04:31.960 --> 00:04:34.420 align:middle line:90% Wash immediately after use. 00:04:34.420 --> 00:04:37.640 align:middle line:84% Avoid contact with clothing until dry. 00:04:37.640 --> 00:04:40.600 align:middle line:84% The sheer bronzer is a temporary color. 00:04:40.600 --> 00:04:43.270 align:middle line:84% Your sunless tan will develop in two to four hours, 00:04:43.270 --> 00:04:45.100 align:middle line:90% and will last for days. 00:04:45.100 --> 00:04:46.210 align:middle line:90% Reapply as needed. 00:04:46.210 --> 00:04:50.860 align:middle line:90% 00:04:50.860 --> 00:04:51.920 align:middle line:90% Nine. 00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:52.420 align:middle line:90% Ghost. 00:04:52.420 --> 00:04:54.970 align:middle line:90% 00:04:54.970 --> 00:04:57.610 align:middle line:84% After college, I attend a National Association 00:04:57.610 --> 00:05:00.880 align:middle line:84% of Hispanic Journalists convention in Dallas. 00:05:00.880 --> 00:05:02.590 align:middle line:84% I linger among the beige cubicles 00:05:02.590 --> 00:05:05.230 align:middle line:84% where reporters and editors brushed paths me with resumes 00:05:05.230 --> 00:05:07.360 align:middle line:90% and business cards. 00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:10.660 align:middle line:84% When I approach, the study my face, squinted my name tag, 00:05:10.660 --> 00:05:12.580 align:middle line:90% and then turn away. 00:05:12.580 --> 00:05:15.370 align:middle line:84% Several hours into the job fair, with fewer interviews 00:05:15.370 --> 00:05:18.580 align:middle line:84% and even fewer prospects, I duck into a men's room, 00:05:18.580 --> 00:05:22.360 align:middle line:84% flip over my badge, and scribble in my mother's maiden name, 00:05:22.360 --> 00:05:24.310 align:middle line:90% Candelaria. 00:05:24.310 --> 00:05:26.770 align:middle line:84% Back in the main arena, recruiters smile, 00:05:26.770 --> 00:05:29.735 align:middle line:90% hands extend, appointments open. 00:05:29.735 --> 00:05:30.610 align:middle line:90% I walk through walls. 00:05:30.610 --> 00:05:35.060 align:middle line:90% 00:05:35.060 --> 00:05:36.230 align:middle line:90% Ten. 00:05:36.230 --> 00:05:38.920 align:middle line:90% Bone. 00:05:38.920 --> 00:05:40.350 align:middle line:90% So, what do you need to know? 00:05:40.350 --> 00:05:42.720 align:middle line:84% asked the man in camouflage fatigues. 00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:45.720 align:middle line:84% The man with the Emiliano Zapata mustache. 00:05:45.720 --> 00:05:49.350 align:middle line:84% The man who dug his friend into a bunker in Tierra Amarilla. 00:05:49.350 --> 00:05:51.840 align:middle line:84% What do I need to know about a 71-year-old farmer who 00:05:51.840 --> 00:05:54.990 align:middle line:84% refuses to leave land stolen by developers? 00:05:54.990 --> 00:05:58.443 align:middle line:84% What do I need to know that an automatic rifle can't tell me? 00:05:58.443 --> 00:06:00.360 align:middle line:84% What do I need to know that will help an Anglo 00:06:00.360 --> 00:06:02.750 align:middle line:90% reporter like me understand? 00:06:02.750 --> 00:06:05.160 align:middle line:90% "But, I'm not Anglo," I say. 00:06:05.160 --> 00:06:06.330 align:middle line:90% "Oh, no?" he asks. 00:06:06.330 --> 00:06:08.460 align:middle line:90% "What are you then?" 00:06:08.460 --> 00:06:11.100 align:middle line:84% I start to tell him, but the words stick in my throat. 00:06:11.100 --> 00:06:15.050 align:middle line:90% 00:06:15.050 --> 00:06:16.220 align:middle line:90% 11. 00:06:16.220 --> 00:06:19.070 align:middle line:90% Light bulb. 00:06:19.070 --> 00:06:22.700 align:middle line:84% "A Chicano," explains the sculptor, the activist, 00:06:22.700 --> 00:06:25.610 align:middle line:84% the co-founder of the Multicultural Arts Council, 00:06:25.610 --> 00:06:27.740 align:middle line:84% "is someone who was born in the US, 00:06:27.740 --> 00:06:31.370 align:middle line:84% but has a blood mixture of Aztec and Spanish. 00:06:31.370 --> 00:06:34.340 align:middle line:84% A Chicano is someone with one foot in one culture 00:06:34.340 --> 00:06:36.380 align:middle line:84% and one foot in another culture, who 00:06:36.380 --> 00:06:39.410 align:middle line:90% resists being forced to choose. 00:06:39.410 --> 00:06:42.320 align:middle line:84% A Chicano is a person trying to define themselves 00:06:42.320 --> 00:06:44.630 align:middle line:90% for themselves. 00:06:44.630 --> 00:06:48.973 align:middle line:84% A Chicano is a person seeking their true identity." 00:06:48.973 --> 00:06:50.390 align:middle line:84% "I guess that makes me a Chicano," 00:06:50.390 --> 00:06:53.510 align:middle line:90% I say, touching my pale cheek. 00:06:53.510 --> 00:06:55.865 align:middle line:84% "Me too," she says laughing, "and I was born in Mexico." 00:06:55.865 --> 00:07:00.180 align:middle line:90% 00:07:00.180 --> 00:07:01.560 align:middle line:90% 12. 00:07:01.560 --> 00:07:03.720 align:middle line:90% Cotton. 00:07:03.720 --> 00:07:07.020 align:middle line:84% I dry off my five-year-old daughter after swim lessons. 00:07:07.020 --> 00:07:09.607 align:middle line:84% Goose bumps break across her thighs. 00:07:09.607 --> 00:07:11.190 align:middle line:84% At the edge of her one-piece, I notice 00:07:11.190 --> 00:07:13.290 align:middle line:90% a darkening of skin tone. 00:07:13.290 --> 00:07:14.190 align:middle line:90% "Wow, look at this." 00:07:14.190 --> 00:07:16.740 align:middle line:84% I say, "you're getting some color." 00:07:16.740 --> 00:07:20.190 align:middle line:84% "No, Dad," she says, hiding her leg behind the towel. 00:07:20.190 --> 00:07:21.180 align:middle line:90% "I don't want a tan." 00:07:21.180 --> 00:07:24.430 align:middle line:90% 00:07:24.430 --> 00:07:25.960 align:middle line:90% 13. 00:07:25.960 --> 00:07:28.270 align:middle line:90% Blank. 00:07:28.270 --> 00:07:30.040 align:middle line:90% US census form. 00:07:30.040 --> 00:07:31.810 align:middle line:90% Year 2000. 00:07:31.810 --> 00:07:34.470 align:middle line:90% Please answer all questions. 00:07:34.470 --> 00:07:41.200 align:middle line:84% Are you Spanish, Hispanic, Latino, none of the above? 00:07:41.200 --> 00:07:43.110 align:middle line:90% What is your race? 00:07:43.110 --> 00:07:47.190 align:middle line:84% Black, African-American, American Indian, 00:07:47.190 --> 00:07:53.940 align:middle line:84% Alaskan Native, Pacific Islander, Asian, White, 00:07:53.940 --> 00:07:55.920 align:middle line:90% some other race. 00:07:55.920 --> 00:07:57.810 align:middle line:90% Please print here. 00:07:57.810 --> 00:07:58.950 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:07:58.950 --> 00:08:00.800 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:07.488 align:middle line:90%