This is something I think we've all experienced and never
enjoyed, the physical examination
by your medical doctor.
[LAUGHTER]
You notice I have a runny nose.
I always have a runny nose.
And I asked my doctor why I always had a runny nose.
And he said, it's because you're getting on.
[LAUGHTER]
And I thought, you know, I know a lot of people
older than I am who don't have a runny nose.
So how come?
Then I thought about that cliché, "getting on."
Is that like getting over it?
What does that mean?
There's this wonderful line in MacLeish's J.B., a play,
where the girl says, what about the sparrows?
What happens to the sparrows?
You never see one dead.
And the reporter talking to her says, they get over it.
[LAUGHTER]
So this is the account of that physical examination in which
they remove all your privacy.
They poke and prod everywhere.
They ask you questions you can't answer or don't want to answer.
And it's just an ordeal.
And I call it, "Getting On."
"The doctor enters from stage left, his stethoscope dangling.
He lights a candle.
Take off everything from your waist up, and down.
Supply a biblical reference, nothing
to do with raising the dead or ethnic violence.
If you can't think of one, make one up,
unless you have had a very rough lifestyle.
Are you a member of the Zulu Social and Pleasure Club
in New Orleans?
Have you ever played Bolero nonstop for 48 hours?
Were you high on booze and bennies
when you killed your crime partner in a hotel
in Fillmore, Utah?
Is there a hotel in Fillmore, Utah?
He attaches the Richter scale to my scrotum.
Post-nasal drip is common among those who are getting on.
Your kidneys are very pretty.
Your prostate is symmetrical.
Telescope technology may help your eyes.
Unused embryos are now being adopted.
You are deeply flawed and parenthetical.
You are being recorded.
You are getting on.
There is the possibility that you
will feel OK for a short time.
[LAUGHTER]
A little bird told me that, the liar."
[LAUGHTER]