WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.220 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.220 --> 00:00:02.570 align:middle line:90% Thank you, Lois. 00:00:02.570 --> 00:00:06.120 align:middle line:90% Thank you all for coming. 00:00:06.120 --> 00:00:10.640 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read three pieces to you tonight. 00:00:10.640 --> 00:00:14.510 align:middle line:84% First, a section from the start of my novel, 00:00:14.510 --> 00:00:18.770 align:middle line:84% Going Blind and then two short stories. 00:00:18.770 --> 00:00:20.960 align:middle line:84% The section from the novel has a reading time 00:00:20.960 --> 00:00:25.040 align:middle line:84% of about 10 minutes and each of the short stories a little bit 00:00:25.040 --> 00:00:25.790 align:middle line:90% over 20 minutes. 00:00:25.790 --> 00:00:32.390 align:middle line:90% 00:00:32.390 --> 00:00:36.718 align:middle line:84% First, from the start of my novel, Going Blind. 00:00:36.718 --> 00:00:40.390 align:middle line:90% 00:00:40.390 --> 00:00:46.600 align:middle line:84% By now my friend, Auguste was flat as a man of gingerbread 00:00:46.600 --> 00:00:50.770 align:middle line:84% buckled at the knees and curled at the feet by two hot and oven 00:00:50.770 --> 00:00:56.980 align:middle line:84% up, nibbled cruelly up and down his long limbs and sides. 00:00:56.980 --> 00:01:01.630 align:middle line:84% Apologizing for our lateness, Ruth, bent down to him. 00:01:01.630 --> 00:01:04.569 align:middle line:84% Her right hand touched his cheek and neck 00:01:04.569 --> 00:01:09.100 align:middle line:84% while her left caught up the brown black hair that fell 00:01:09.100 --> 00:01:12.280 align:middle line:90% swinging to shroud their kiss. 00:01:12.280 --> 00:01:16.360 align:middle line:84% A dark delta of damp like the mark of a tongue 00:01:16.360 --> 00:01:19.510 align:middle line:84% had stained the side of her sleeveless summer dress. 00:01:19.510 --> 00:01:22.720 align:middle line:90% 00:01:22.720 --> 00:01:26.620 align:middle line:84% Auguste and I had become close friends in college. 00:01:26.620 --> 00:01:30.130 align:middle line:84% We had competed for the praise of professors 00:01:30.130 --> 00:01:33.820 align:middle line:84% nervously showing each other our poems, often gotten 00:01:33.820 --> 00:01:38.710 align:middle line:84% drunk together, though alcohol turned him a steaming red. 00:01:38.710 --> 00:01:41.390 align:middle line:84% From graduate schools on opposite coasts, 00:01:41.390 --> 00:01:44.800 align:middle line:84% we had exchanged letters steadily. 00:01:44.800 --> 00:01:49.450 align:middle line:84% A year after he joined the State University's Manhattan branch, 00:01:49.450 --> 00:01:52.900 align:middle line:84% he helped me get a job there too. 00:01:52.900 --> 00:01:57.220 align:middle line:84% There, I spent so much time with him and his wife, Ruth, 00:01:57.220 --> 00:01:59.980 align:middle line:90% that we were a threesome. 00:01:59.980 --> 00:02:03.490 align:middle line:84% And there we had been colleagues for years. 00:02:03.490 --> 00:02:08.139 align:middle line:84% Before the future seemed so clear, it was unmentionable. 00:02:08.139 --> 00:02:15.070 align:middle line:90% He would die, I would marry her. 00:02:15.070 --> 00:02:18.790 align:middle line:84% This prospect had brightened in a dawn so slow 00:02:18.790 --> 00:02:23.090 align:middle line:84% that I sometimes felt we had glimpsed it from the beginning. 00:02:23.090 --> 00:02:25.270 align:middle line:90% He had always had a way. 00:02:25.270 --> 00:02:30.970 align:middle line:84% Once romantic, later frightening of seeming likely to die soon. 00:02:30.970 --> 00:02:34.430 align:middle line:84% The least of complaints down to sunburn and earache 00:02:34.430 --> 00:02:38.420 align:middle line:84% and insomnia punished him more severely than anyone else. 00:02:38.420 --> 00:02:40.570 align:middle line:90% His aching teeth poisoned him. 00:02:40.570 --> 00:02:44.920 align:middle line:90% His colds became pneumonia. 00:02:44.920 --> 00:02:49.300 align:middle line:84% Cancer beat upon him gradually as a ship 00:02:49.300 --> 00:02:52.750 align:middle line:84% on the horizon that grows taller only after you have 00:02:52.750 --> 00:02:55.720 align:middle line:90% forgotten about it for a while. 00:02:55.720 --> 00:02:59.710 align:middle line:84% Auguste had had big stomach trouble for years- 00:02:59.710 --> 00:03:05.020 align:middle line:84% an ache, a stitch, spasmodic bowels. 00:03:05.020 --> 00:03:09.190 align:middle line:84% And then one day, Ruth told me he just came out 00:03:09.190 --> 00:03:13.240 align:middle line:84% of the bathroom and said it had been bloody. 00:03:13.240 --> 00:03:15.250 align:middle line:84% She hunched her shoulders so that I 00:03:15.250 --> 00:03:20.230 align:middle line:84% wanted to wrap her like a child chilled in a wet swimsuit. 00:03:20.230 --> 00:03:24.868 align:middle line:84% Dark blood, she said from high up. 00:03:24.868 --> 00:03:29.950 align:middle line:84% "Sigmoidoscopy revealed a polyp and nothing." 00:03:29.950 --> 00:03:33.280 align:middle line:84% Said the Surgeon Feldman who removed it. 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:36.160 align:middle line:84% But not many months later there were more polyps 00:03:36.160 --> 00:03:40.210 align:middle line:84% and Feldman took out part of Auguste's colon. 00:03:40.210 --> 00:03:43.900 align:middle line:84% I went to the hospital every day, then to the apartment 00:03:43.900 --> 00:03:45.940 align:middle line:90% when Auguste came home. 00:03:45.940 --> 00:03:48.430 align:middle line:84% Brought paperbacks into magazines 00:03:48.430 --> 00:03:51.400 align:middle line:84% that grew in stacks on his bedside table, 00:03:51.400 --> 00:03:54.310 align:middle line:84% brought quarts of rich ice cream the color 00:03:54.310 --> 00:03:57.280 align:middle line:84% of old ivory with mahogany swirls, 00:03:57.280 --> 00:04:01.090 align:middle line:84% though Auguste never had more than a swallow or two. 00:04:01.090 --> 00:04:04.000 align:middle line:84% Ruth would slowly eat a dish full 00:04:04.000 --> 00:04:06.730 align:middle line:84% and I would polish off the course 00:04:06.730 --> 00:04:08.470 align:middle line:90% with a silver serving spoon. 00:04:08.470 --> 00:04:11.590 align:middle line:90% 00:04:11.590 --> 00:04:14.350 align:middle line:84% Auguste returned to teaching and the book 00:04:14.350 --> 00:04:17.769 align:middle line:84% he was writing on plot in Dickens. 00:04:17.769 --> 00:04:21.250 align:middle line:84% Again, he and Ruth went to meetings of their citizens 00:04:21.250 --> 00:04:24.400 align:middle line:84% commission attacking civic problems whose 00:04:24.400 --> 00:04:27.670 align:middle line:90% hopelessness paralyzed me. 00:04:27.670 --> 00:04:31.360 align:middle line:84% And all weekend afternoons, the three of us 00:04:31.360 --> 00:04:34.210 align:middle line:90% walked in Central Park. 00:04:34.210 --> 00:04:37.810 align:middle line:84% At Christmas, they vacationed in Italy, at Easter, 00:04:37.810 --> 00:04:39.850 align:middle line:90% in San Francisco. 00:04:39.850 --> 00:04:43.900 align:middle line:84% I often imagined his dying far from home. 00:04:43.900 --> 00:04:47.800 align:middle line:84% And when my phone rang I have believed that the voice would 00:04:47.800 --> 00:04:50.920 align:middle line:90% be Ruth's, fuzzy with distance. 00:04:50.920 --> 00:04:53.740 align:middle line:84% There would be calls to airline ticket offices, 00:04:53.740 --> 00:04:56.920 align:middle line:84% a taxi to the airport, and at last I 00:04:56.920 --> 00:05:00.580 align:middle line:84% would descend to where Ruth waited for me alone. 00:05:00.580 --> 00:05:03.380 align:middle line:90% 00:05:03.380 --> 00:05:05.240 align:middle line:84% But it was more than a year later 00:05:05.240 --> 00:05:07.760 align:middle line:84% and Auguste was still feeling fine 00:05:07.760 --> 00:05:12.500 align:middle line:84% when Feldman's examination dictated more surgery. 00:05:12.500 --> 00:05:15.470 align:middle line:84% "This time should do it," he said. 00:05:15.470 --> 00:05:19.310 align:middle line:84% He removed what was left of Auguste's large intestine. 00:05:19.310 --> 00:05:21.980 align:middle line:84% Through an off center hole below the navel, 00:05:21.980 --> 00:05:24.870 align:middle line:84% he drew out the stub of the small intestine 00:05:24.870 --> 00:05:29.000 align:middle line:84% so that it emptied fecal matter into a plastic bag held 00:05:29.000 --> 00:05:31.910 align:middle line:90% on with glue and surgical tape. 00:05:31.910 --> 00:05:35.690 align:middle line:84% "Your longevity should now be unaffected," 00:05:35.690 --> 00:05:38.960 align:middle line:84% Auguste quoted for us giving the surgeon's phrases 00:05:38.960 --> 00:05:44.720 align:middle line:84% a rich juiciness, swimming, skiing, absolutely. 00:05:44.720 --> 00:05:46.490 align:middle line:90% Auguste had never done either. 00:05:46.490 --> 00:05:52.130 align:middle line:84% "Everything should be normal, marital relations included." 00:05:52.130 --> 00:05:54.695 align:middle line:84% A ghastly smile crossed my friend's face. 00:05:54.695 --> 00:05:57.410 align:middle line:90% 00:05:57.410 --> 00:05:59.870 align:middle line:84% This time, when he came home from the hospital 00:05:59.870 --> 00:06:05.060 align:middle line:84% he was so gaunt that his wedding ring slipped off and was lost. 00:06:05.060 --> 00:06:08.270 align:middle line:84% His appetite did not recover quickly. 00:06:08.270 --> 00:06:11.660 align:middle line:84% There were nights when I, sitting uncomfortably 00:06:11.660 --> 00:06:14.870 align:middle line:84% in his place at the blond maple table 00:06:14.870 --> 00:06:19.370 align:middle line:84% opposite Ruth, slim clasped hands and evasive eyes, 00:06:19.370 --> 00:06:24.260 align:middle line:84% stayed to eat the dinner that she had made for him. 00:06:24.260 --> 00:06:28.130 align:middle line:84% But again, stubborn as evolution. 00:06:28.130 --> 00:06:33.890 align:middle line:84% At first, pale and perspiring, he got out of bed to his feet 00:06:33.890 --> 00:06:36.980 align:middle line:84% into clothes that sagged and flapped looser 00:06:36.980 --> 00:06:40.340 align:middle line:84% than ever to the kitchen and his study 00:06:40.340 --> 00:06:43.220 align:middle line:84% and the classroom where he taught. 00:06:43.220 --> 00:06:48.320 align:middle line:84% We three again took our walks, though shorter and slower ones 00:06:48.320 --> 00:06:50.090 align:middle line:90% now. 00:06:50.090 --> 00:06:53.060 align:middle line:84% That Christmas, he and Ruth went to Japan 00:06:53.060 --> 00:06:56.120 align:middle line:90% with five days in Hawaii. 00:06:56.120 --> 00:07:00.140 align:middle line:84% Jogging through the snowy park, my breath smoking 00:07:00.140 --> 00:07:02.660 align:middle line:84% as though I were on fire inside, I 00:07:02.660 --> 00:07:08.360 align:middle line:84% thought of them roomed in a high hotel, Auguste resting on a bed 00:07:08.360 --> 00:07:10.910 align:middle line:90% shirtless while Ruth unpacked. 00:07:10.910 --> 00:07:13.710 align:middle line:90% 00:07:13.710 --> 00:07:16.260 align:middle line:84% The spring semester was hardly begun 00:07:16.260 --> 00:07:19.260 align:middle line:84% before he started feeling ill and weakened. 00:07:19.260 --> 00:07:23.550 align:middle line:90% The word metastasis was used. 00:07:23.550 --> 00:07:25.890 align:middle line:84% When Ruth asked about more surgery, 00:07:25.890 --> 00:07:28.350 align:middle line:84% Feldman only shrugged his mustache 00:07:28.350 --> 00:07:32.190 align:middle line:84% in a small smile of defeat and said softly, 00:07:32.190 --> 00:07:35.490 align:middle line:90% "There comes a point." 00:07:35.490 --> 00:07:39.540 align:middle line:84% Instead, he ordered chemotherapy and of course radiation. 00:07:39.540 --> 00:07:45.600 align:middle line:84% "This will help him for a while," he told us. 00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:49.320 align:middle line:84% Weekend afternoons while Auguste dozed, 00:07:49.320 --> 00:07:52.680 align:middle line:84% Ruth still sometimes walked with me. 00:07:52.680 --> 00:07:56.130 align:middle line:84% There was no pleasure in Central Park where 00:07:56.130 --> 00:07:58.920 align:middle line:84% he had stepped on the pads beside us, 00:07:58.920 --> 00:08:03.240 align:middle line:84% sat with us on the benches to rest and talk. 00:08:03.240 --> 00:08:07.860 align:middle line:84% Instead near my apartment, West of Amsterdam Avenue 00:08:07.860 --> 00:08:12.570 align:middle line:84% on 123rd Street, we walked the West side. 00:08:12.570 --> 00:08:17.550 align:middle line:84% Along Amsterdam sometimes on sidewalks patched with litter 00:08:17.550 --> 00:08:22.740 align:middle line:84% and glittering with smashed glass, across 125th Street 00:08:22.740 --> 00:08:27.570 align:middle line:84% and up the hill beyond past the empty department of parks 00:08:27.570 --> 00:08:30.870 align:middle line:84% Sheltering Arms pool which shimmered in summer 00:08:30.870 --> 00:08:32.909 align:middle line:90% with every human tint. 00:08:32.909 --> 00:08:36.539 align:middle line:84% On beyond the university's brownstone facades, 00:08:36.539 --> 00:08:40.860 align:middle line:84% past its attendant bookstores, the campus grill, 00:08:40.860 --> 00:08:43.650 align:middle line:84% as far as the Church of Believers 00:08:43.650 --> 00:08:46.800 align:middle line:84% in the Commandments of God, windows 00:08:46.800 --> 00:08:52.980 align:middle line:84% opaque with biblical texts in psychedelic colors. 00:08:52.980 --> 00:08:56.430 align:middle line:84% But farther North than that, it was unsafe to go 00:08:56.430 --> 00:08:59.970 align:middle line:84% and a greener route became our usual one. 00:08:59.970 --> 00:09:03.030 align:middle line:84% We climbed my block to Broadway, turned 00:09:03.030 --> 00:09:05.940 align:middle line:84% left past Jewish Theological Seminary, 00:09:05.940 --> 00:09:11.130 align:middle line:84% crossed Broadway at 122nd, strolled West another block 00:09:11.130 --> 00:09:14.070 align:middle line:90% and into Sakara Park. 00:09:14.070 --> 00:09:23.040 align:middle line:84% Here, Ruth would stop me to gaze at Butterfield 1831, 1901, who 00:09:23.040 --> 00:09:26.880 align:middle line:84% with arms calmly folded with scabbard sword 00:09:26.880 --> 00:09:30.690 align:middle line:84% and brave mustache told us that pain 00:09:30.690 --> 00:09:36.300 align:middle line:84% should be forgotten like insects crawling upon one's plinth. 00:09:36.300 --> 00:09:40.170 align:middle line:84% Butterfield was twice my size and seemed still 00:09:40.170 --> 00:09:45.840 align:middle line:84% to be growing his head in the leaves of the tree behind him. 00:09:45.840 --> 00:09:50.850 align:middle line:84% What did he care for Julio Puppet Sly 00:09:50.850 --> 00:09:54.510 align:middle line:84% 125 whose blue and orange scrawled 00:09:54.510 --> 00:09:56.790 align:middle line:90% smeared his military cloak. 00:09:56.790 --> 00:10:01.200 align:middle line:84% He would be watching over tree shaded walks and marble benches 00:10:01.200 --> 00:10:04.230 align:middle line:90% when they were fallen to mold. 00:10:04.230 --> 00:10:10.080 align:middle line:84% We walked on across Riverside Drive and into Riverside Park. 00:10:10.080 --> 00:10:13.530 align:middle line:84% At Grant's tomb on a cement bench inlaid 00:10:13.530 --> 00:10:17.220 align:middle line:84% with bright mosaic swirls, we rested and watched 00:10:17.220 --> 00:10:21.990 align:middle line:84% camera dangling visitors come and go in busloads. 00:10:21.990 --> 00:10:26.610 align:middle line:84% A pushcart vendor sold us giant pretzels. 00:10:26.610 --> 00:10:30.990 align:middle line:84% Walking slowly now, we headed North past children 00:10:30.990 --> 00:10:34.170 align:middle line:84% swarming at too few swings and benches 00:10:34.170 --> 00:10:37.800 align:middle line:84% full of motionless grandparents to the grave 00:10:37.800 --> 00:10:41.490 align:middle line:90% of the amiable child. 00:10:41.490 --> 00:10:45.090 align:middle line:84% Died in the fifth year of his age 00:10:45.090 --> 00:10:48.900 align:middle line:84% Ruth read bending close to the little plaque, 00:10:48.900 --> 00:10:53.520 align:middle line:84% holding back her tumbling hair, removing her sunglasses, 00:10:53.520 --> 00:10:55.860 align:middle line:90% replacing them. 00:10:55.860 --> 00:10:58.620 align:middle line:84% There was a fine view of the Jersey Shore 00:10:58.620 --> 00:11:01.050 align:middle line:84% where shining apartment towers soared 00:11:01.050 --> 00:11:03.990 align:middle line:90% from the steep wooded bank. 00:11:03.990 --> 00:11:08.940 align:middle line:84% Upriver, the George Washington Bridge hung loops of silver 00:11:08.940 --> 00:11:11.390 align:middle line:90% in the declining sun.