WEBVTT

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And I'd like to introduce
our first reader, who

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will introduce the
rest, Buzz Poverman.

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Hi.

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You know, I'm happy, and honored
that I can do this for Steve.

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And I just have a few
thoughts I'd like to read.

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It was from a mutual
friend that I first

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heard Steve had been
taken to the hospital

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by ambulance the night before.

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More news came back quickly and
unhappily in the next few days,

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that Steve had lung cancer,
and that perhaps it had spread,

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And then that he was home.

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As I was walking over
to see him, I thought,

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what can I possibly
say to console him?

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When I stepped into his bedroom,
Steve gave me an easy smile,

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and with that smile,
I felt better.

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I took his hand, Hey, man,
whatever truth had always

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been there, was still there.

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No need for poses or pretense.

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It was not different than if
I had looked into his office

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to find him working on a
poem, his desk sprinkled

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with yellow post-it notes.

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A little news, some gossip, a
few jokes, talk about writing.

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A truth between two
friends that could hold up.

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Over the next few days,
I saw this exchange

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between every person
who visited Steve.

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No self-pity from Steve.

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No fear or desperation, just
this gratitude and pleasure

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that his friends were
there to see him,

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along with an astonishing
ease and grace.

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Steve was always interested
first and foremost,

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in you, the other person.

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That of course was his blessing.

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Twice in those last days,
Steve told me, word for word,

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the same story, which
was simply this.

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When his father was on his
deathbed in the hospital,

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Steve and his older
brother went to see him.

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His father introduced
them to the nurse,

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this is my good son, Jerry,
and this is my bad son, Steve.

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Each time he told it,
he had the same look

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on his face, Sullen
anger, resignation.

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Everyone who knew
Steve knew he smoked,

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not so secretly in his office.

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Several times I was
presumptuous enough

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to say, OK, Steve, enough.

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Stop now.

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Steve allowed me
my indiscretion.

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Once he said, I know
I'm going to have

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to pay for this someday,
but I like to smoke.

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I'm kind of looking
at you now, Steve,

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as I offer this next
thought, is this OK?

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Over time, I came to believe
that if whatever had failed

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between Steve and his father had
taken a different turn, if he

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too could have
been the good son,

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was there room for a second
good son in that family script?

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Then he wouldn't have needed to
fill himself up with something

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as poisonous as smoke.

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Might have known
he was loved, when

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he needed to reach down inside
for something to carry him

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forward.

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Might have lived on.

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I'm listening for a few words
back from Steve on this.

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That he might have entertained
that conjecture or scoff at it.

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Cut it Steve?

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I think it might be true
enough for me to offer it.

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As it was, in the telling of a
story about being the bad son,

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I knew he still ached
for something out there,

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something lost.

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It was the look on his face that
said it as much as the words,

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I think about Sartre writing on
Genet who early in childhood,

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labeled bad, a thief,
took on the role.

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Oh, I'm bad am I?

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If I'm bad, then
I'll show you bad.

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I believe that Steve embraced
his assignment, bad son,

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going against the grain
when the situation called

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for the polite smile.

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That it had been Steve's
way of surviving, of staying

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connected to himself,
and to others.

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Perhaps the common currency
of Steve's being bad,

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was to say the forbidden thing.

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I saw him do this
on many occasions.

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One example will serve.

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I ran into a former
student of mine

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at a writer's conference,
who told me that she had just

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started a new love affair.

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She seemed elated
about it, hopeful.

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Steve didn't know
her, but simply asked,

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is he good in bed?

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Startled, she did a double take.

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From there, Steve
joined the conversation.

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Bad boy?

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Maybe on the face
of it, but I believe

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that Steve's real purpose was
to break down the artifice

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and barriers between people.

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If Someone tells you he
or she has a new lover,

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we might wonder, good in bed?

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We don't ask.

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Steve asked.

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You take a chance, risk looking
bad, to make a real connection.

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My litmus test is that I
never saw Steve hurt anyone.

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Nor did I ever
hear anything mean

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or hurtful or cruel from him.

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On the contrary, Steve had this
amazing caress in his voice,

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for people, for the world.

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It was a lovers voice,
a truth teller's voice.

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The irony is that
Steve's bad boy

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was the kindest, the gentlest,
the most tender of men.

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Whenever I saw Steve at school,
he'd say, give me a hug.

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Or else he'd just
hug me, which made

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me feel as I had at
earlier times in my life,

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as a teenager, a
student, a time when

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you had a buddy, who
in some wordless way

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got something heart
to heart about you,

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had your back when
push came to shove.

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Steve, this is
like the afternoon

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I was walking over to
your place and wondering

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what I could possibly
say, but I found

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we could go right on from
where we'd always been.

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I see you walking toward me,
I hear you say, give me a hug.

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Steve, I give you a hug.

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