WEBVTT

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[APPLAUSE]

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Jordan Shelby.

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Boy, I'm telling you
it's terrible to come

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at the end of the line.

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[LAUGHTER]

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OK, it's 1967.

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I'm sitting in Centennial
Hall before a music concert.

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I don't know who is playing.

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The lights are up.

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The row ahead of me, this far
away from me, is this guy.

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I'm thinking, late 20s.

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And a woman next to him.

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And they're having this
animated conversation.

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A warm conversation,
that it wasn't

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kind of an ooey gooey
first blush of love kind

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of conversation, but
a real conversation.

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And I saw him in profile
speaking to this woman.

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And the thing that
I was struck by

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was he's really interested
in what she had to say.

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And then I started
taking in his face--

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the profile of his face.

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I thought, boy, this
is a strong face--

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strong features.

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And there were a few acne scars.

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And then I noticed, yeah.

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Well, he was handsome but not
American standard leading man

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handsome.

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[LAUGHTER]

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And a longer hair than
most people around us

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and maybe even an earring.

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I'm not sure about that one.

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[LAUGHTER]

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But it scared me,
this guy's presence

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[LAUGHTER]

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I tell you.

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And I thought, well,
is he a real hippie?

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[LAUGHTER]

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Maybe he's a neo-Beatnik
or some flavor of Bohemian

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I don't know about.

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My first ambition was to be a
poet and secretly a bohemian

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if I could fit it in.

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[LAUGHTER]

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And I swear to you this image
stuck with me for a few days

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afterwards.

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And toward the end of
the next week, my friend,

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Florrie, another poet friend
who had met in Dick Shelton's

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beginning poetry writing class,
who hadn't adopted the pen name

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Ai yet--

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said, "Hey, the fiction
writer John Chandler

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is having a dinner and
had invited me and said

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bring a friend.

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You want to come?"

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I said, "Sure."

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She said, "Other
writers will be there."

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I said, "Great."

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So walk into the house.

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John Chandler, the fiction
writer, and his wife

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introduced me.

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And I look around the room
and sitting on the couch is--

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holy crap, that guy.

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[LAUGHTER]

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I'm dead.

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How can I talk to him?

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And they place us
at the dinner table.

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I'm right across
the table from him.

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And we have this great,
passionate conversation

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about poetry.

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Who do you like?

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Who do you hate?

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And I suppose a
bit about process.

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But I thought the greatest
thing about-- well, not

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the greatest thing.

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But one of the greatest
things, for me,

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was that he took me
seriously, as a poet.

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And he's not seen a stitch
of anything I'd written.

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Well, I did a independent study
with Steve the next semester.

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And we were bonded.

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I met with him weekly,
and he looked at poems.

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We talked about writing, and
he suggested further reading.

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It was great.

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I didn't know it, but--

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although I had an inkling--

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I was on the steep slide
into psychological health.

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And I had to drop out of school,
and it lasted for some years.

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And when I was able
to come back to school

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Steve just embraced me.

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I would not have been able
to finish my BA without him,

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and he was a supporter in
graduate school, as well.

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And as this happened, it's
one day, we were talking.

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And I said, you know
when I first saw you,

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you scared the hell out of me.

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And he said, "What?"

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[LAUGHTER]

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And I described what
I described to you.

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And he said, "That's
funny," he said,

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"because when we were at
that dinner you scared me."

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[LAUGHTER]

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I said, "What?"

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He said, "Yeah, you were asking
me these probing questions.

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And you had a coat and tie on."

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[LAUGHTER]

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I don't remember
this, of course.

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And he said that it was like
you wanted Socratic dialogue.

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And I thought, what am I
going to do with this guy?

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[LAUGHTER]

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I liked you, but that
was overwhelming.

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[LAUGHTER]

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That's great.

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One of the most--

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I thought it wouldn't be able
to finish-- fill up 5 minutes.

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And then I started
practicing this a little bit.

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And I thought I was up
to 10 minutes in no time.

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But one of the most striking
things that Steve ever

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said to me was just within
probably the last year

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and a half.

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We had lunch.

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We were back in the
English department

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and walking down
the main hallway.

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And I don't know what
we were talking about.

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At some point he
threw up his hands,

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and he said, "I'm
telling you, how

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can life be both so great and
horrible at the same time?"

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And that would be a throwaway
line for some people.

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But it's something that
I've had difficulty all

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my life being able to voice.

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And Steve in his blunt
way just said it.

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And I know we really want to
get together and celebrate

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Steve and say all the
positive things about him.

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And we could go on for days.

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But I think, for me, it's really
crucial to recognize that Steve

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realized that both great and
horrible things happen to us,

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despite our will.

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And I think that, and
I believe that enabled

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him to make him a compassionate
friend, a champion

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friend, and empathetic teacher.

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And the thing that I think
I will miss most about Steve

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is getting together
once in a while,

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trading notes about those
great and horrible things.

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That's something he did so well.

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Bravo.

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[APPLAUSE]

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