WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.440 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.440 --> 00:00:07.980 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read something that is a short story, 00:00:07.980 --> 00:00:11.220 align:middle line:84% but in fact, when it next appears, 00:00:11.220 --> 00:00:13.260 align:middle line:84% it will be the opening section of a novel. 00:00:13.260 --> 00:00:17.130 align:middle line:84% It appeared in Esquire, and it's called, "The Men's Club." 00:00:17.130 --> 00:00:22.650 align:middle line:90% 00:00:22.650 --> 00:00:26.220 align:middle line:84% Women wanted to talk about anger, identity, politics, et 00:00:26.220 --> 00:00:26.940 align:middle line:90% cetera. 00:00:26.940 --> 00:00:30.990 align:middle line:84% I saw posters in Berkeley urging them to join groups. 00:00:30.990 --> 00:00:33.030 align:middle line:90% I saw their leaders on TV. 00:00:33.030 --> 00:00:35.710 align:middle line:90% Strong, articulate faces. 00:00:35.710 --> 00:00:38.220 align:middle line:84% So when Kavanaugh phoned and invited me to join 00:00:38.220 --> 00:00:39.990 align:middle line:90% a men's club, I laughed. 00:00:39.990 --> 00:00:42.720 align:middle line:84% Slowly not laughing, he repeated himself. 00:00:42.720 --> 00:00:44.700 align:middle line:90% He was six foot nine. 00:00:44.700 --> 00:00:47.040 align:middle line:84% The size and weight entered his voice. 00:00:47.040 --> 00:00:49.200 align:middle line:84% He and some friends wanted a club, 00:00:49.200 --> 00:00:53.370 align:middle line:84% a regular social possibility outside our jobs and marriages. 00:00:53.370 --> 00:00:55.890 align:middle line:84% Nothing to do with women's groups. 00:00:55.890 --> 00:00:58.950 align:middle line:84% One man was a tax accountant, another was a lawyer. 00:00:58.950 --> 00:01:00.720 align:middle line:84% There was also a college teacher like me 00:01:00.720 --> 00:01:04.200 align:middle line:84% and two psychotherapists, solid types. 00:01:04.200 --> 00:01:06.630 align:middle line:84% I suppose there could be virtues in a men's club 00:01:06.630 --> 00:01:08.520 align:middle line:90% a regular social possibility. 00:01:08.520 --> 00:01:09.990 align:middle line:84% I should have said yes immediately, 00:01:09.990 --> 00:01:12.300 align:middle line:90% but something in me resisted. 00:01:12.300 --> 00:01:15.240 align:middle line:84% The prospect of leaving my house after dinner. 00:01:15.240 --> 00:01:18.090 align:middle line:84% Blood is heavy then, brain is slow. 00:01:18.090 --> 00:01:21.840 align:middle line:84% Besides, wasn't this club idea corny? 00:01:21.840 --> 00:01:25.980 align:middle line:84% Like trying to recapture high school days, locker room fun. 00:01:25.980 --> 00:01:30.750 align:middle line:84% Wet, naked boys snapping towels at each other's genitals. 00:01:30.750 --> 00:01:32.940 align:middle line:90% It didn't feel exactly right. 00:01:32.940 --> 00:01:35.580 align:middle line:84% To be wretchedly truthful, any social possibility 00:01:35.580 --> 00:01:37.860 align:middle line:84% unrelated to wife, kids, house and work 00:01:37.860 --> 00:01:39.750 align:middle line:90% felt like a form of adultery. 00:01:39.750 --> 00:01:42.380 align:middle line:90% Not criminal, not legitimate. 00:01:42.380 --> 00:01:45.120 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh, I don't even go to the movies anymore. 00:01:45.120 --> 00:01:47.160 align:middle line:84% I'm talking about a men's club, good company. 00:01:47.160 --> 00:01:49.020 align:middle line:84% You talk about women's groups, movies. 00:01:49.020 --> 00:01:50.340 align:middle line:90% Can't you hear me? 00:01:50.340 --> 00:01:52.590 align:middle line:84% When the phone rings, it's like an attack on my life. 00:01:52.590 --> 00:01:53.520 align:middle line:90% I get confused. 00:01:53.520 --> 00:01:54.720 align:middle line:90% Say it again. 00:01:54.720 --> 00:01:56.220 align:middle line:84% Look, you're one of my best friends. 00:01:56.220 --> 00:01:57.512 align:middle line:90% You live less than a mile away. 00:01:57.512 --> 00:01:59.940 align:middle line:84% Do we see each other three times a year? 00:01:59.940 --> 00:02:01.680 align:middle line:84% I lose over a month every year just 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:03.840 align:middle line:90% working to pay property taxes. 00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:05.910 align:middle line:84% Friendship is a luxury, unless you're 00:02:05.910 --> 00:02:09.509 align:middle line:84% so poor it makes no difference how you spend your time. 00:02:09.509 --> 00:02:11.820 align:middle line:90% A men's club, good company. 00:02:11.820 --> 00:02:13.020 align:middle line:90% I hear you. 00:02:13.020 --> 00:02:15.240 align:middle line:84% But I was thinking about good company. 00:02:15.240 --> 00:02:17.880 align:middle line:84% Some of my married colleagues had love affairs, 00:02:17.880 --> 00:02:19.440 align:middle line:90% usually with students. 00:02:19.440 --> 00:02:23.190 align:middle line:84% You could call it a regular social possibility. 00:02:23.190 --> 00:02:27.420 align:middle line:84% It included emotional chaos, gonorrhea, even guilt. 00:02:27.420 --> 00:02:30.840 align:middle line:84% They would have been better off in a men's club. 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:31.630 align:middle line:90% What do you say? 00:02:31.630 --> 00:02:32.722 align:middle line:90% Can we expect you? 00:02:32.722 --> 00:02:33.930 align:middle line:90% I'll go to the first meeting. 00:02:33.930 --> 00:02:34.980 align:middle line:90% I can't promise more. 00:02:34.980 --> 00:02:36.210 align:middle line:90% I'm very busy. 00:02:36.210 --> 00:02:39.000 align:middle line:84% Yeah, Yeah, said Kavanaugh and gave me an address 00:02:39.000 --> 00:02:40.783 align:middle line:90% and the Berkeley Flats. 00:02:40.783 --> 00:02:42.450 align:middle line:84% The night of the meeting, I told my wife 00:02:42.450 --> 00:02:43.680 align:middle line:90% I'd be home before midnight. 00:02:43.680 --> 00:02:46.110 align:middle line:90% She said take out the garbage. 00:02:46.110 --> 00:02:48.570 align:middle line:84% Big, sticky bag felt unpropitious. 00:02:48.570 --> 00:02:51.180 align:middle line:84% And my hands soon smelled of tuna fish. 00:02:51.180 --> 00:02:53.760 align:middle line:84% After driving five minutes I found the place. 00:02:53.760 --> 00:02:55.560 align:middle line:84% The front of the house vine covered, 00:02:55.560 --> 00:02:58.290 align:middle line:84% seemed to brood in lunatic privacy. 00:02:58.290 --> 00:03:01.050 align:middle line:84% Nobody answered when I knocked, but I heard voices, 00:03:01.050 --> 00:03:03.270 align:middle line:84% took hold of the wrought iron handle 00:03:03.270 --> 00:03:06.420 align:middle line:84% and pushed, discovering a large Berkeley living 00:03:06.420 --> 00:03:08.730 align:middle line:90% room and six men inside. 00:03:08.730 --> 00:03:11.520 align:middle line:84% I saw dark wood paneling and potted ferns 00:03:11.520 --> 00:03:13.890 align:middle line:90% dangling from exposed beams. 00:03:13.890 --> 00:03:15.900 align:middle line:84% Other plants along the window ledges. 00:03:15.900 --> 00:03:17.940 align:middle line:90% The potted tree in a far corner. 00:03:17.940 --> 00:03:20.220 align:middle line:90% Skinny, spinsterish looking. 00:03:20.220 --> 00:03:22.770 align:middle line:84% Nervous, yellow leaves filled its head. 00:03:22.770 --> 00:03:26.310 align:middle line:84% Various ceramics, bowls on tabletops and plates 00:03:26.310 --> 00:03:29.430 align:middle line:84% on the walls beside huge acrylic paintings. 00:03:29.430 --> 00:03:32.010 align:middle line:84% Abstractions like glistening viscera 00:03:32.010 --> 00:03:34.650 align:middle line:90% splashed off a butcher block. 00:03:34.650 --> 00:03:37.110 align:middle line:84% There was an amazing rug, but I couldn't take it in. 00:03:37.110 --> 00:03:39.840 align:middle line:84% A man was rising from a pillow on the floor coming 00:03:39.840 --> 00:03:42.900 align:middle line:84% toward me, smiling, I knocked, I said. 00:03:42.900 --> 00:03:43.800 align:middle line:90% Come in, man. 00:03:43.800 --> 00:03:45.150 align:middle line:90% I'm Harry Kramer. 00:03:45.150 --> 00:03:46.680 align:middle line:90% I'm Kavanaugh's friend. 00:03:46.680 --> 00:03:47.640 align:middle line:90% Who isn't. 00:03:47.640 --> 00:03:51.240 align:middle line:84% Really, I said, giving it the LA inflection 00:03:51.240 --> 00:03:55.080 align:middle line:84% to suggest sympathetic understanding, not wonder. 00:03:55.080 --> 00:03:57.960 align:middle line:84% Kramer registered the nuance and glanced at me 00:03:57.960 --> 00:03:59.850 align:middle line:90% as at a potential brother. 00:03:59.850 --> 00:04:01.710 align:middle line:84% His heavy black hair was controlled 00:04:01.710 --> 00:04:03.720 align:middle line:84% by a style parted in the middle, shaped 00:04:03.720 --> 00:04:06.810 align:middle line:84% to cup his ears with a feeling that once belonged 00:04:06.810 --> 00:04:10.500 align:middle line:84% to little girls and now was common among TV actors and rock 00:04:10.500 --> 00:04:12.000 align:middle line:90% musicians. 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:13.980 align:middle line:84% It was contradicted by black force 00:04:13.980 --> 00:04:18.120 align:middle line:84% in his eyes, handshake like a bite and tattooed forearms. 00:04:18.120 --> 00:04:22.410 align:middle line:84% Blue, winged snake, blue dagger amid roses. 00:04:22.410 --> 00:04:24.630 align:middle line:84% They spoke for an earlier life, I suppose, 00:04:24.630 --> 00:04:27.430 align:middle line:84% but Kramer wore his sleeves rolled to the elbow. 00:04:27.430 --> 00:04:29.790 align:middle line:84% It was impossible to connect him with his rug, which 00:04:29.790 --> 00:04:34.290 align:middle line:84% I began to as spongy and sensuous, orange. 00:04:34.290 --> 00:04:36.870 align:middle line:84% I felt myself wading through it as Kramer led me 00:04:36.870 --> 00:04:38.100 align:middle line:90% toward the men. 00:04:38.100 --> 00:04:40.710 align:middle line:84% Shaking hands, nodding hello, saying my name. 00:04:40.710 --> 00:04:42.900 align:middle line:90% Each man was a complex flash. 00:04:42.900 --> 00:04:44.130 align:middle line:90% Eyes, hand, names. 00:04:44.130 --> 00:04:46.920 align:middle line:90% But one had definition. 00:04:46.920 --> 00:04:48.420 align:middle line:90% Solly Berliner. 00:04:48.420 --> 00:04:51.930 align:middle line:84% Tall, wearing a suit, dead white hair and big greenish 00:04:51.930 --> 00:04:53.340 align:middle line:90% light in his eyes. 00:04:53.340 --> 00:04:56.910 align:middle line:84% The face of an infant surprised by senility. 00:04:56.910 --> 00:05:00.720 align:middle line:84% His suit was gray polyester, conservative and sleazy. 00:05:00.720 --> 00:05:03.570 align:middle line:84% Kramer left me with Berliner beside the potted tree, 00:05:03.570 --> 00:05:04.980 align:middle line:90% a beer in my hand. 00:05:04.980 --> 00:05:07.590 align:middle line:84% A man about five foot six with an eager face 00:05:07.590 --> 00:05:08.640 align:middle line:90% came right up to us. 00:05:08.640 --> 00:05:09.930 align:middle line:90% Care for a taste? 00:05:09.930 --> 00:05:13.800 align:middle line:84% In his palm lay two brown marijuanas slick with spittle. 00:05:13.800 --> 00:05:14.820 align:middle line:90% I declined. 00:05:14.820 --> 00:05:18.210 align:middle line:84% Berliner said thanks, thanks with frightening gratitude 00:05:18.210 --> 00:05:20.460 align:middle line:90% and took both cigarettes. 00:05:20.460 --> 00:05:23.157 align:middle line:84% We laughed as he dropped one back into the man's palm. 00:05:23.157 --> 00:05:24.990 align:middle line:84% The little face turned toward the other men. 00:05:24.990 --> 00:05:26.850 align:middle line:90% Anybody care for a taste? 00:05:26.850 --> 00:05:29.580 align:middle line:84% The sound of Berliners voice lingered after the joke. 00:05:29.580 --> 00:05:32.700 align:middle line:84% Maybe he felt uneasy, out of his natural environment. 00:05:32.700 --> 00:05:34.290 align:middle line:84% I couldn't guess where that might be. 00:05:34.290 --> 00:05:36.300 align:middle line:90% He was a confusion of clues. 00:05:36.300 --> 00:05:39.870 align:middle line:84% The suit wasn't Berkeley, the eyes were worlds of feeling. 00:05:39.870 --> 00:05:42.300 align:middle line:84% His speedy voice flew from nerves. 00:05:42.300 --> 00:05:44.550 align:middle line:84% Maybe the living room affected him. 00:05:44.550 --> 00:05:47.520 align:middle line:84% A men's club would have been more authentic, more properly 00:05:47.520 --> 00:05:49.020 align:middle line:90% convened elsewhere. 00:05:49.020 --> 00:05:50.340 align:middle line:90% What did I have in mind? 00:05:50.340 --> 00:05:51.750 align:middle line:90% The cold ditch? 00:05:51.750 --> 00:05:54.600 align:middle line:84% I suppose Kramer's wife exiled for the evening 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:56.280 align:middle line:84% had cultivated the plants and picked 00:05:56.280 --> 00:05:59.640 align:middle line:84% the orange rug and the luscious fabrics on the couches 00:05:59.640 --> 00:06:00.750 align:middle line:90% and chairs. 00:06:00.750 --> 00:06:02.700 align:middle line:90% Ideas of happiness. 00:06:02.700 --> 00:06:05.460 align:middle line:84% Berliner and I remained standing as if the fabrics 00:06:05.460 --> 00:06:08.250 align:middle line:84% heavy velvets, beige tones were nothing 00:06:08.250 --> 00:06:10.110 align:middle line:90% to violate with our behinds. 00:06:10.110 --> 00:06:12.660 align:middle line:84% It was a woman's room, but the point of the club 00:06:12.660 --> 00:06:15.040 align:middle line:84% was to be with men not to escape from women. 00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:18.090 align:middle line:84% So I turned to Berliner and asked what he did for a living. 00:06:18.090 --> 00:06:20.640 align:middle line:84% Real estate, he said, grinning ferociously 00:06:20.640 --> 00:06:23.250 align:middle line:84% as if extreme types were into that. 00:06:23.250 --> 00:06:24.840 align:middle line:90% Wild Fellows. 00:06:24.840 --> 00:06:25.920 align:middle line:90% I drove in. 00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:27.390 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:06:27.390 --> 00:06:29.370 align:middle line:90% I drove in from San Jose. 00:06:29.370 --> 00:06:31.320 align:middle line:84% He spoke with rapid little shrugs 00:06:31.320 --> 00:06:33.840 align:middle line:90% as if readjusting his vertebrae. 00:06:33.840 --> 00:06:35.850 align:middle line:84% His eyes were full of green distance 00:06:35.850 --> 00:06:37.950 align:middle line:84% after two drags on the cigarette. 00:06:37.950 --> 00:06:41.490 align:middle line:84% He was already driving back to San Jose, I figured. 00:06:41.490 --> 00:06:44.250 align:middle line:84% But then he said forgive me for saying this, 00:06:44.250 --> 00:06:47.100 align:middle line:84% but a minute ago when Kramer introduced us 00:06:47.100 --> 00:06:48.870 align:middle line:90% I had a weird thought. 00:06:48.870 --> 00:06:50.310 align:middle line:90% His eyes returned. 00:06:50.310 --> 00:06:51.660 align:middle line:90% You did? 00:06:51.660 --> 00:06:53.370 align:middle line:90% I'd seen the look before. 00:06:53.370 --> 00:06:56.430 align:middle line:84% It signaled the California plunge into truth. 00:06:56.430 --> 00:06:58.620 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:06:58.620 --> 00:07:01.920 align:middle line:84% A conversational style developed in encounter groups 00:07:01.920 --> 00:07:04.680 align:middle line:84% where sensitivity training occurs. 00:07:04.680 --> 00:07:06.960 align:middle line:84% I hope this doesn't bother you, but I 00:07:06.960 --> 00:07:08.340 align:middle line:90% thought you had a withered leg. 00:07:08.340 --> 00:07:11.130 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:07:11.130 --> 00:07:12.450 align:middle line:90% You did? 00:07:12.450 --> 00:07:14.310 align:middle line:90% I see that you don't. 00:07:14.310 --> 00:07:15.750 align:middle line:90% Weird. 00:07:15.750 --> 00:07:16.470 align:middle line:90% He giggled. 00:07:16.470 --> 00:07:18.210 align:middle line:90% His mouth was tense. 00:07:18.210 --> 00:07:21.420 align:middle line:84% Weird that I don't have a withered leg? 00:07:21.420 --> 00:07:24.330 align:middle line:84% I thought your leg was all screwed up, like withered. 00:07:24.330 --> 00:07:27.450 align:middle line:84% I wiggled my legs more for my sake than his. 00:07:27.450 --> 00:07:30.810 align:middle line:84% He stared as if into unusual depths waiting for a truth 00:07:30.810 --> 00:07:33.570 align:middle line:84% to rise, perhaps leap into the air like a fish. 00:07:33.570 --> 00:07:34.770 align:middle line:90% I said nothing. 00:07:34.770 --> 00:07:37.290 align:middle line:90% He said, I'm 47. 00:07:37.290 --> 00:07:38.550 align:middle line:90% You look much younger. 00:07:38.550 --> 00:07:40.510 align:middle line:84% This was true, but with the white hair. 00:07:40.510 --> 00:07:43.620 align:middle line:84% He also looked older I stay in shape, he answered, 00:07:43.620 --> 00:07:46.380 align:middle line:84% marijuana smoke leaking from his nostrils. 00:07:46.380 --> 00:07:48.750 align:middle line:84% Nobody, he said, sucking the leak back 00:07:48.750 --> 00:07:50.460 align:middle line:90% with crackling sheets of snot. 00:07:50.460 --> 00:07:52.770 align:middle line:90% Nobody else in this room is 47. 00:07:52.770 --> 00:07:53.530 align:middle line:90% I'm oldest. 00:07:53.530 --> 00:07:55.590 align:middle line:90% I asked the guys. 00:07:55.590 --> 00:07:58.320 align:middle line:84% He gagged a little then released the smoke, knifing it 00:07:58.320 --> 00:07:59.730 align:middle line:90% through compressed lips. 00:07:59.730 --> 00:08:01.380 align:middle line:90% Kramer is 38. 00:08:01.380 --> 00:08:03.630 align:middle line:84% I wondered if conversation had ever been more 00:08:03.630 --> 00:08:05.640 align:middle line:90% like medical experience. 00:08:05.640 --> 00:08:08.220 align:middle line:90% So rich in gas and mucus. 00:08:08.220 --> 00:08:10.050 align:middle line:84% I'm always the oldest, ever since I 00:08:10.050 --> 00:08:12.000 align:middle line:90% was a kid I was the oldest. 00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:14.310 align:middle line:84% He giggled and intensified his stare. 00:08:14.310 --> 00:08:17.340 align:middle line:84% I giggled too in a social way, then the door opened 00:08:17.340 --> 00:08:19.470 align:middle line:90% and Kavanaugh walked in. 00:08:19.470 --> 00:08:22.830 align:middle line:84% Excuse me, I said, intimating regret but moving quickly away 00:08:22.830 --> 00:08:24.150 align:middle line:90% to greet Kavanaugh. 00:08:24.150 --> 00:08:27.810 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh, big and good-looking, had heroic charisma. 00:08:27.810 --> 00:08:30.720 align:middle line:84% He'd once been a professional basketball player, 00:08:30.720 --> 00:08:32.520 align:middle line:84% now he worked at the University in 00:08:32.520 --> 00:08:37.799 align:middle line:84% special undergraduate programs, matters of policy and funding, 00:08:37.799 --> 00:08:40.530 align:middle line:90% 9:00 to 5:00, jacket and tie. 00:08:40.530 --> 00:08:43.799 align:middle line:84% To remember his former work, the great naked shoulders 00:08:43.799 --> 00:08:47.280 align:middle line:84% and legs flying through the air was saddening. 00:08:47.280 --> 00:08:49.560 align:middle line:84% In restaurants and airports, people still 00:08:49.560 --> 00:08:51.390 align:middle line:90% asked for his autograph. 00:08:51.390 --> 00:08:53.970 align:middle line:84% Things felt better, more natural, healthier, 00:08:53.970 --> 00:08:55.590 align:middle line:90% with the big man in the room. 00:08:55.590 --> 00:08:57.420 align:middle line:84% Kramer reached them before I did. 00:08:57.420 --> 00:08:59.760 align:middle line:84% They slapped each other's arms, laughing. 00:08:59.760 --> 00:09:01.710 align:middle line:84% Pleased at how they felt to each other. 00:09:01.710 --> 00:09:03.270 align:middle line:90% Solid, real. 00:09:03.270 --> 00:09:06.660 align:middle line:84% I watched, thinking I'd often watched Kavanaugh ever 00:09:06.660 --> 00:09:09.030 align:middle line:84% since college, in fact, when he'd become famous. 00:09:09.030 --> 00:09:11.700 align:middle line:84% To see him burn his opponent and score 00:09:11.700 --> 00:09:14.040 align:middle line:90% was like a miracle of justice. 00:09:14.040 --> 00:09:18.000 align:middle line:84% Now in civilian clothes, he was faintly disorienting. 00:09:18.000 --> 00:09:19.500 align:middle line:90% Especially his wristwatch. 00:09:19.500 --> 00:09:21.990 align:middle line:90% A golden complicated band. 00:09:21.990 --> 00:09:23.670 align:middle line:90% A symbolic manacle. 00:09:23.670 --> 00:09:26.610 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh's submission to ordinary life. 00:09:26.610 --> 00:09:29.830 align:middle line:84% He'd once said, I don't want my kids to grow up like me. 00:09:29.830 --> 00:09:31.740 align:middle line:90% Necks thick as their heads. 00:09:31.740 --> 00:09:36.120 align:middle line:84% He wanted his kids in jackets and wristwatches. 00:09:36.120 --> 00:09:37.950 align:middle line:84% He stopped slapping Kramer's arms, 00:09:37.950 --> 00:09:39.960 align:middle line:90% but Kramer continued touching /. 00:09:39.960 --> 00:09:43.080 align:middle line:84% Kramer looked as though he might soon pee in his pants. 00:09:43.080 --> 00:09:44.610 align:middle line:90% People love athletes. 00:09:44.610 --> 00:09:48.360 align:middle line:84% Where else these days do they see such mythic drama? 00:09:48.360 --> 00:09:51.150 align:middle line:84% Images of unimpeachable excellence. 00:09:51.150 --> 00:09:53.970 align:middle line:84% I was infected by Kramer's enthusiasm. 00:09:53.970 --> 00:09:56.130 align:middle line:84% When Kramer left to get Kavanaugh a beer, 00:09:56.130 --> 00:09:57.300 align:middle line:90% we shook hands. 00:09:57.300 --> 00:09:59.910 align:middle line:84% He said, I didn't think I'd see you here tonight. 00:09:59.910 --> 00:10:02.580 align:middle line:90% There was mockery in his smile. 00:10:02.580 --> 00:10:04.440 align:middle line:84% It's not so easy getting out of the house. 00:10:04.440 --> 00:10:06.690 align:middle line:84% Nobody but you could have dragged me to this. 00:10:06.690 --> 00:10:08.640 align:middle line:90% You open the door, you're out. 00:10:08.640 --> 00:10:10.020 align:middle line:90% Tell me about it. 00:10:10.020 --> 00:10:11.070 align:middle line:90% I'm glad you're here. 00:10:11.070 --> 00:10:11.910 align:middle line:90% Anything happen yet? 00:10:11.910 --> 00:10:15.270 align:middle line:84% I'm late because Sarah thinks the club idea is wrong. 00:10:15.270 --> 00:10:16.680 align:middle line:90% I'm wrong to be here. 00:10:16.680 --> 00:10:18.480 align:middle line:90% We argued a little at dinner. 00:10:18.480 --> 00:10:21.470 align:middle line:84% He whispered then, maybe it isn't easy, 00:10:21.470 --> 00:10:23.480 align:middle line:84% and looked at his wristwatch frowning 00:10:23.480 --> 00:10:26.150 align:middle line:90% as if it were his mind. 00:10:26.150 --> 00:10:27.620 align:middle line:84% Kramer returned with the beer just 00:10:27.620 --> 00:10:29.360 align:middle line:90% as a phone started ringing. 00:10:29.360 --> 00:10:32.270 align:middle line:84% I'll be right back, said Kramer, turning toward the ringing. 00:10:32.270 --> 00:10:35.090 align:middle line:90% Sarah's word wrong made me . 00:10:35.090 --> 00:10:36.920 align:middle line:84% If something was wrong with Kavanaugh, 00:10:36.920 --> 00:10:38.720 align:middle line:90% it was wrong with the universe. 00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:40.430 align:middle line:90% Men could understand that. 00:10:40.430 --> 00:10:42.990 align:middle line:84% When Kavanaugh needed a loan to buy his house, 00:10:42.990 --> 00:10:44.330 align:middle line:90% the bank gave him no problem. 00:10:44.330 --> 00:10:46.110 align:middle line:84% You could see his credit was good. 00:10:46.110 --> 00:10:49.820 align:middle line:84% He was six foot nine and could run 100 yards in 10 seconds. 00:10:49.820 --> 00:10:52.610 align:middle line:84% The loan officer, a man, recognized Kavanaugh 00:10:52.610 --> 00:10:56.210 align:middle line:84% and felt privileged to help him with financial negotiations. 00:10:56.210 --> 00:10:59.630 align:middle line:84% He didn't ask about Kavanaugh's recent divorce, his alimony 00:10:59.630 --> 00:11:01.790 align:middle line:90% payments, men's clubs. 00:11:01.790 --> 00:11:05.810 align:middle line:84% Women's groups, they suggest incurable disorders. 00:11:05.810 --> 00:11:10.220 align:middle line:84% I remembered Socrates how the boys not his wife adored him 00:11:10.220 --> 00:11:13.790 align:middle line:84% and Karl Marx running around with Engels while Jenny 00:11:13.790 --> 00:11:16.460 align:middle line:90% stayed home with the kids. 00:11:16.460 --> 00:11:18.980 align:middle line:84% Maybe men played more than women. 00:11:18.980 --> 00:11:21.410 align:middle line:84% A men's club compared to women's groups 00:11:21.410 --> 00:11:25.010 align:middle line:84% was play, frivolous, virtually insulting. 00:11:25.010 --> 00:11:26.690 align:middle line:90% It excluded women. 00:11:26.690 --> 00:11:28.340 align:middle line:90% But I was thinking in circles. 00:11:28.340 --> 00:11:30.870 align:middle line:84% A men's club didn't exclude women. 00:11:30.870 --> 00:11:33.350 align:middle line:84% It also didn't exclude kangaroos. 00:11:33.350 --> 00:11:35.480 align:middle line:90% It included only men. 00:11:35.480 --> 00:11:38.060 align:middle line:84% I tried to imagine explaining this to Sarah. 00:11:38.060 --> 00:11:39.920 align:middle line:90% You see, men love to play. 00:11:39.920 --> 00:11:43.400 align:middle line:84% It didn't feel convincing she had strong opinions 00:11:43.400 --> 00:11:44.780 align:middle line:90% and a bad temper. 00:11:44.780 --> 00:11:47.060 align:middle line:84% When Kavanaugh decided to quit basketball, 00:11:47.060 --> 00:11:48.360 align:middle line:90% it was his decision. 00:11:48.360 --> 00:11:50.060 align:middle line:90% But I blamed her anyway. 00:11:50.060 --> 00:11:54.470 align:middle line:84% She wanted him home, the King became the Dean. 00:11:54.470 --> 00:11:56.060 align:middle line:84% Kramer shouted from another room, 00:11:56.060 --> 00:11:57.560 align:middle line:90% is anybody here named Terry? 00:11:57.560 --> 00:11:58.730 align:middle line:90% His wife is on the phone. 00:11:58.730 --> 00:12:00.260 align:middle line:90% She's crying. 00:12:00.260 --> 00:12:02.458 align:middle line:84% Shouting again more loudly as if to make 00:12:02.458 --> 00:12:04.250 align:middle line:84% sure the woman on the phone would hear him, 00:12:04.250 --> 00:12:07.400 align:middle line:84% Kramer said, is anybody in this house named Terry? 00:12:07.400 --> 00:12:10.160 align:middle line:84% Nobody admitted to being named Terry. 00:12:10.160 --> 00:12:13.370 align:middle line:84% I heard Kramer still shouting say, Terry isn't here. 00:12:13.370 --> 00:12:16.640 align:middle line:84% If Terry shows up, I'll tell him to phone you right away. 00:12:16.640 --> 00:12:18.110 align:middle line:90% No, I won't forget. 00:12:18.110 --> 00:12:20.690 align:middle line:84% I'll tell Terry to phone you right away. 00:12:20.690 --> 00:12:23.900 align:middle line:84% When Kramer returned, he said, you guys sure none of you 00:12:23.900 --> 00:12:25.250 align:middle line:90% is named Terry? 00:12:25.250 --> 00:12:28.850 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh muttered, we were all named Terry. 00:12:28.850 --> 00:12:31.550 align:middle line:84% We made a circle, some men sitting on the rug. 00:12:31.550 --> 00:12:35.210 align:middle line:84% Kramer settled into his pillow, legs folded and crossed. 00:12:35.210 --> 00:12:38.540 align:middle line:84% He began talking to us in a slow, rational voice. 00:12:38.540 --> 00:12:40.940 align:middle line:84% The black eyes darkened his face. 00:12:40.940 --> 00:12:44.300 align:middle line:84% His words became darker, heavier because of them. 00:12:44.300 --> 00:12:46.820 align:middle line:84% What is the purpose of this club? 00:12:46.820 --> 00:12:49.670 align:middle line:90% To make women cry, I thought. 00:12:49.670 --> 00:12:51.860 align:middle line:84% Kramer's beginning was not very brilliant, 00:12:51.860 --> 00:12:54.920 align:middle line:84% but he looked so deep that I resisted judgment. 00:12:54.920 --> 00:12:57.770 align:middle line:84% Some of us, Solly Berliner, Paul, Kavanaugh 00:12:57.770 --> 00:12:59.360 align:middle line:84% had a discussion a few weeks ago. 00:12:59.360 --> 00:13:01.310 align:middle line:84% We agreed it would be a good idea. 00:13:01.310 --> 00:13:04.490 align:middle line:84% Paul was the short marijuana man with the eager face. 00:13:04.490 --> 00:13:06.620 align:middle line:84% Kramer nodded to him when he said his name. 00:13:06.620 --> 00:13:10.520 align:middle line:84% He went on about the good idea, but I wasn't listening. 00:13:10.520 --> 00:13:11.960 align:middle line:90% I thought again about the women. 00:13:11.960 --> 00:13:15.290 align:middle line:84% Anger, identity, politics, rights, wrongs. 00:13:15.290 --> 00:13:16.670 align:middle line:90% I envied them. 00:13:16.670 --> 00:13:20.210 align:middle line:84% It seemed attractive to be deprived in our society. 00:13:20.210 --> 00:13:22.970 align:middle line:84% Deprivation gives you something to fight for. 00:13:22.970 --> 00:13:25.190 align:middle line:90% It makes you morally superior. 00:13:25.190 --> 00:13:26.660 align:middle line:90% It makes you serious. 00:13:26.660 --> 00:13:28.400 align:middle line:84% What was left for men these days? 00:13:28.400 --> 00:13:30.050 align:middle line:90% They already had everything. 00:13:30.050 --> 00:13:31.520 align:middle line:90% Did they need clubs? 00:13:31.520 --> 00:13:35.330 align:middle line:84% The mere sight of two men together suggests a club. 00:13:35.330 --> 00:13:40.850 align:middle line:84% Consider Damon and Pythias, Huck and Jim, Hamlet and Horatio. 00:13:40.850 --> 00:13:42.230 align:middle line:90% The list is familiar. 00:13:42.230 --> 00:13:45.590 align:middle line:84% Even the Lone Ranger wasn't lonely, he had Tonto. 00:13:45.590 --> 00:13:48.410 align:middle line:84% There was Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas, 00:13:48.410 --> 00:13:52.910 align:middle line:84% but generally, two women suggest gossip and the kiss goodbye. 00:13:52.910 --> 00:13:57.110 align:middle line:84% Kramer, talking, meandered in a sea of non-existent purpose. 00:13:57.110 --> 00:14:00.020 align:middle line:84% I said, why are you talking about our purpose? 00:14:00.020 --> 00:14:00.740 align:middle line:90% We're all here. 00:14:00.740 --> 00:14:02.720 align:middle line:84% Let's just say what we want to do. 00:14:02.720 --> 00:14:05.900 align:middle line:90% I stopped him mid meander. 00:14:05.900 --> 00:14:10.220 align:middle line:84% He looked relieved, a little surprised, not offended. 00:14:10.220 --> 00:14:13.010 align:middle line:84% Can you offer a suggestion, he asked? 00:14:13.010 --> 00:14:15.738 align:middle line:84% I glanced at the other faces, particularly Kavanaugh's. 00:14:15.738 --> 00:14:17.030 align:middle line:90% I didn't want to embarrass him. 00:14:17.030 --> 00:14:19.550 align:middle line:84% I was his guest, and I'd been too aggressive, maybe. 00:14:19.550 --> 00:14:21.650 align:middle line:90% He said, go on. 00:14:21.650 --> 00:14:24.380 align:middle line:84% I suggest each of us tell the story of his life. 00:14:24.380 --> 00:14:27.483 align:middle line:84% The instant I said it, I laughed as if I'd intended a joke. 00:14:27.483 --> 00:14:28.400 align:middle line:90% What else could it be? 00:14:28.400 --> 00:14:30.920 align:middle line:84% I didn't tell the story of my life to strangers. 00:14:30.920 --> 00:14:33.200 align:middle line:84% Maybe I'd lived too long in California, 00:14:33.200 --> 00:14:35.990 align:middle line:84% or I'd given too many lectures at the University. 00:14:35.990 --> 00:14:38.690 align:middle line:84% Perhaps I'd been influenced by Berliner becoming like him, 00:14:38.690 --> 00:14:40.580 align:middle line:90% a confessional person. 00:14:40.580 --> 00:14:41.960 align:middle line:90% Nobody else laughed. 00:14:41.960 --> 00:14:43.850 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh looked at me with approval. 00:14:43.850 --> 00:14:46.160 align:middle line:84% Berliner grinned, his rigid ferocity. 00:14:46.160 --> 00:14:49.400 align:middle line:84% He loved the suggestion he could hardly wait to begin. 00:14:49.400 --> 00:14:52.160 align:middle line:84% Kramer, however, said, I'll go first. 00:14:52.160 --> 00:14:52.970 align:middle line:90% You want to? 00:14:52.970 --> 00:14:54.590 align:middle line:90% You do like the idea? 00:14:54.590 --> 00:14:56.330 align:middle line:84% One of us can talk at each meeting 00:14:56.330 --> 00:14:59.480 align:middle line:84% I have listened in this room to numerous life stories. 00:14:59.480 --> 00:15:02.180 align:middle line:84% Kramer apparently was a psychotherapist. 00:15:02.180 --> 00:15:04.830 align:middle line:84% It will be good for me, he said, to tell the story of my life, 00:15:04.830 --> 00:15:07.850 align:middle line:84% especially in a non-professional context. 00:15:07.850 --> 00:15:09.830 align:middle line:90% It will be a challenge. 00:15:09.830 --> 00:15:11.390 align:middle line:90% I'm going to put it on tape. 00:15:11.390 --> 00:15:12.830 align:middle line:90% I will tape each of us. 00:15:12.830 --> 00:15:15.860 align:middle line:84% Suddenly, I imagined him sitting among his plants listening 00:15:15.860 --> 00:15:19.920 align:middle line:84% to life stories, his tape recorder going, his dark face 00:15:19.920 --> 00:15:22.650 align:middle line:84% and tattoos presiding over everything. 00:15:22.650 --> 00:15:23.370 align:middle line:90% Oh, come on. 00:15:23.370 --> 00:15:24.900 align:middle line:84% Let's talk to one another, Kramer. 00:15:24.900 --> 00:15:26.460 align:middle line:90% No machines. 00:15:26.460 --> 00:15:28.810 align:middle line:84% To my dismay, Kramer yelled, why the hell not? 00:15:28.810 --> 00:15:31.920 align:middle line:84% I have so much talk on my tapes, friends, clients, lovers, 00:15:31.920 --> 00:15:33.570 align:middle line:84% that I don't even know what I have. 00:15:33.570 --> 00:15:36.210 align:middle line:90% So much I don't even remember. 00:15:36.210 --> 00:15:38.562 align:middle line:84% Apparently, I'd struck at something he cherished. 00:15:38.562 --> 00:15:40.270 align:middle line:84% I didn't know him well enough to do that. 00:15:40.270 --> 00:15:42.720 align:middle line:84% But I heard myself yelling back at him, a man who 00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:44.970 align:middle line:90% looked angry, even dangerous. 00:15:44.970 --> 00:15:47.550 align:middle line:84% If you didn't put it on tape, you'd remember. 00:15:47.550 --> 00:15:49.230 align:middle line:84% Everyone laughed, including Kramer. 00:15:49.230 --> 00:15:52.080 align:middle line:84% He said, that's good, that's good. 00:15:52.080 --> 00:15:53.370 align:middle line:90% No anger at all. 00:15:53.370 --> 00:15:55.990 align:middle line:84% I was strangely pleased by this violence. 00:15:55.990 --> 00:15:57.810 align:middle line:90% I liked Kramer for laughing. 00:15:57.810 --> 00:15:58.800 align:middle line:90% That's good, he said. 00:15:58.800 --> 00:16:00.960 align:middle line:90% I'm going to write that down. 00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:02.280 align:middle line:90% Yes, said Kavanaugh. 00:16:02.280 --> 00:16:05.250 align:middle line:84% No tape recorder, but I want an idea of what this life story 00:16:05.250 --> 00:16:06.360 align:middle line:90% business is like. 00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:08.730 align:middle line:84% Berliner said, you know what it's like, Kavanaugh. 00:16:08.730 --> 00:16:10.440 align:middle line:90% It's like in the old movies. 00:16:10.440 --> 00:16:13.560 align:middle line:84% Lauren Bacall tells Humphrey Bogart about herself, 00:16:13.560 --> 00:16:15.240 align:middle line:90% who she is, where she's been. 00:16:15.240 --> 00:16:16.860 align:middle line:90% Then they screw. 00:16:16.860 --> 00:16:19.140 align:middle line:84% A blonde man with plastic framed glasses 00:16:19.140 --> 00:16:21.870 align:middle line:84% and a pastel blue sweater strained forward in his chair, 00:16:21.870 --> 00:16:25.380 align:middle line:84% saying, I saw that movie on The Late Show, right? 00:16:25.380 --> 00:16:27.310 align:middle line:84% He looked youthful, exceptionally clean. 00:16:27.310 --> 00:16:29.520 align:middle line:84% He wore cherry red jogging shoes. 00:16:29.520 --> 00:16:31.080 align:middle line:90% The faces became silent. 00:16:31.080 --> 00:16:32.250 align:middle line:90% He retreated. 00:16:32.250 --> 00:16:34.200 align:middle line:90% Maybe it was another movie. 00:16:34.200 --> 00:16:36.840 align:middle line:84% Berliner's face seemed to swell with astonishment 00:16:36.840 --> 00:16:40.200 align:middle line:84% and tighten into eerie skreeing, tortured noises, 00:16:40.200 --> 00:16:41.880 align:middle line:90% skreeing, skreeing. 00:16:41.880 --> 00:16:43.870 align:middle line:90% Oh man, what is your name? 00:16:43.870 --> 00:16:45.450 align:middle line:90% He pointed at the blond. 00:16:45.450 --> 00:16:49.080 align:middle line:84% Kramer, hugging himself, contained his laughter. 00:16:49.080 --> 00:16:51.330 align:middle line:90% The blonde said, Harold. 00:16:51.330 --> 00:16:55.410 align:middle line:84% Tears, like bits of glass formed in his eyes as he smiled. 00:16:55.410 --> 00:16:57.480 align:middle line:90% Oh, Harold, shouted Berliner. 00:16:57.480 --> 00:16:59.580 align:middle line:84% That name is the whole story of my life. 00:16:59.580 --> 00:17:01.770 align:middle line:84% My mother used to say, Solly Berliner, 00:17:01.770 --> 00:17:03.690 align:middle line:90% why can't you be like Harold? 00:17:03.690 --> 00:17:07.839 align:middle line:84% Harold Himmel was the smartest, nicest kid in Brooklyn. 00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:10.470 align:middle line:90% My name is Harold Canterbury. 00:17:10.470 --> 00:17:11.460 align:middle line:90% Right, man. 00:17:11.460 --> 00:17:12.450 align:middle line:90% Forgive me. 00:17:12.450 --> 00:17:15.060 align:middle line:84% A minute ago when you were talking, I had a weird thought. 00:17:15.060 --> 00:17:16.245 align:middle line:90% I thought, forgive me, man. 00:17:16.245 --> 00:17:17.865 align:middle line:84% I thought you had a withered hand. 00:17:17.865 --> 00:17:23.040 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:17:23.040 --> 00:17:25.319 align:middle line:84% Harold raised his hands for everyone to see. 00:17:25.319 --> 00:17:29.190 align:middle line:84% Kramer said, don't listen to that jackass, Harold. 00:17:29.190 --> 00:17:31.330 align:middle line:90% Nothing wrong with your hands. 00:17:31.330 --> 00:17:32.940 align:middle line:90% I'm getting more beer. 00:17:32.940 --> 00:17:35.440 align:middle line:84% As he walked toward the kitchen, Kavanaugh followed, saying, 00:17:35.440 --> 00:17:37.607 align:middle line:84% I don't know what this life story business is about, 00:17:37.607 --> 00:17:38.400 align:middle line:90% but it sounds good. 00:17:38.400 --> 00:17:40.192 align:middle line:84% Kramer said, I'll show you what it's about. 00:17:40.192 --> 00:17:41.160 align:middle line:90% You get the beers. 00:17:41.160 --> 00:17:43.500 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh returned with the beers, 00:17:43.500 --> 00:17:45.540 align:middle line:84% and Kramer with a metal foot locker, 00:17:45.540 --> 00:17:49.170 align:middle line:84% dragging it into the center of our circle, a padlock banged 00:17:49.170 --> 00:17:51.300 align:middle line:84% against the front, Kramer squatting, 00:17:51.300 --> 00:17:53.100 align:middle line:84% tried to fit a key into the lock. 00:17:53.100 --> 00:17:54.750 align:middle line:90% His hands began shaking. 00:17:54.750 --> 00:17:56.430 align:middle line:90% Kavanaugh bent beside him. 00:17:56.430 --> 00:17:57.780 align:middle line:90% You need a little help? 00:17:57.780 --> 00:18:00.480 align:middle line:84% Kramer handed him the key, saying do it. 00:18:00.480 --> 00:18:02.400 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh inserted the key, and the lock 00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:05.460 align:middle line:84% snapped open as if shocked by love. 00:18:05.460 --> 00:18:07.530 align:middle line:84% Kramer removed the lock, heaved back 00:18:07.530 --> 00:18:09.990 align:middle line:84% the lid of the foot locker, then withdrew to his pillow, 00:18:09.990 --> 00:18:13.170 align:middle line:84% quickly lighting a cigarette, his hands still shaking. 00:18:13.170 --> 00:18:15.390 align:middle line:90% This is it, my life story. 00:18:15.390 --> 00:18:18.690 align:middle line:84% His voice slower than before, labored against feeling. 00:18:18.690 --> 00:18:20.130 align:middle line:90% You guys, can see my junk. 00:18:20.130 --> 00:18:23.042 align:middle line:84% My trinkets, photos, diaries, papers of every kind. 00:18:23.042 --> 00:18:25.500 align:middle line:84% If Kramer left the room, it would have been easier to look, 00:18:25.500 --> 00:18:30.210 align:middle line:84% but he remained on his pillow, a dark Pasha, urging us to look. 00:18:30.210 --> 00:18:33.270 align:middle line:84% Paul suddenly scrambled on hands and knees to the foot locker, 00:18:33.270 --> 00:18:35.160 align:middle line:84% looked, then plucked out a handful 00:18:35.160 --> 00:18:39.010 align:middle line:84% of bleary, cracked snapshots and fanned them across the rug. 00:18:39.010 --> 00:18:40.650 align:middle line:90% We could see inscriptions. 00:18:40.650 --> 00:18:45.330 align:middle line:84% Paul read aloud, Coney Island 1953, Tina. 00:18:45.330 --> 00:18:49.050 align:middle line:84% Party at Josephine's, New Year's 1965. 00:18:49.050 --> 00:18:53.580 align:middle line:84% Holiday Inn, New Orleans 1975, Gwen. 00:18:53.580 --> 00:18:56.160 align:middle line:84% He looked from the photos to Kramer, smiling. 00:18:56.160 --> 00:18:58.920 align:middle line:84% All these pictures in your box of women? 00:18:58.920 --> 00:19:02.850 align:middle line:84% Kramer in the difficult voice, answered, I have many photos. 00:19:02.850 --> 00:19:06.450 align:middle line:84% I have my Navy discharge papers, my high school diploma, 00:19:06.450 --> 00:19:08.160 align:middle line:90% my first driver's license. 00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:11.430 align:middle line:84% I have all my elementary school notebooks, even spelling exams 00:19:11.430 --> 00:19:12.720 align:middle line:90% from the third grade. 00:19:12.720 --> 00:19:16.530 align:middle line:84% I have maybe 25 fountain pens, all my old passports. 00:19:16.530 --> 00:19:18.150 align:middle line:90% Everything is in that box. 00:19:18.150 --> 00:19:22.140 align:middle line:84% Paul nodding, smiling, said, but these photos, Kramer. 00:19:22.140 --> 00:19:24.570 align:middle line:90% All these photos, women? 00:19:24.570 --> 00:19:27.960 align:middle line:90% I have had 622 women. 00:19:27.960 --> 00:19:30.810 align:middle line:90% Right on, shouted Berliner. 00:19:30.810 --> 00:19:33.090 align:middle line:84% His soul projecting toward Kramer 00:19:33.090 --> 00:19:37.050 align:middle line:84% through the big green eyes, dog like, waiting for a signal. 00:19:37.050 --> 00:19:39.930 align:middle line:84% Paul took out more photos and dropped them among the others 00:19:39.930 --> 00:19:40.890 align:middle line:90% on the rug. 00:19:40.890 --> 00:19:42.270 align:middle line:90% Over 100 now. 00:19:42.270 --> 00:19:45.720 align:middle line:84% Women in bathing suits, in winter coats, in 50s styles, 00:19:45.720 --> 00:19:47.580 align:middle line:90% 60s style, 70s styles. 00:19:47.580 --> 00:19:49.650 align:middle line:90% Spirits of the decades. 00:19:49.650 --> 00:19:51.900 align:middle line:84% If men make history, women wear its look. 00:19:51.900 --> 00:19:53.940 align:middle line:90% Even in their faces and figures. 00:19:53.940 --> 00:19:57.450 align:middle line:84% But to me, Kramer's women looked fundamentally the same. 00:19:57.450 --> 00:20:00.510 align:middle line:84% One poor sweetie between 20 and 30 years 00:20:00.510 --> 00:20:03.600 align:middle line:84% old forever, on a beach, leaning against a railing, 00:20:03.600 --> 00:20:05.970 align:middle line:84% a tree, a brick wall with the sun in her eyes, 00:20:05.970 --> 00:20:07.650 align:middle line:90% squinting at the camera. 00:20:07.650 --> 00:20:09.270 align:middle line:84% One hundred fragments, each of them 00:20:09.270 --> 00:20:11.580 align:middle line:84% complete if you care to scrutinize. 00:20:11.580 --> 00:20:13.830 align:middle line:84% A whole person who could say her name, 00:20:13.830 --> 00:20:18.490 align:middle line:84% maybe love Kramer that she squinted touched me. 00:20:18.490 --> 00:20:20.920 align:middle line:84% Kramer with his meticulously sculpted hair, 00:20:20.920 --> 00:20:23.110 align:middle line:84% cigarette trembling in his fingers waited. 00:20:23.110 --> 00:20:23.980 align:middle line:90% Nobody spoke. 00:20:23.980 --> 00:20:25.360 align:middle line:90% Not even Berliner. 00:20:25.360 --> 00:20:28.390 align:middle line:84% Looking at the pictures, I was reminded of flashers. 00:20:28.390 --> 00:20:29.410 align:middle line:90% See this? 00:20:29.410 --> 00:20:31.210 align:middle line:90% It is my entire crotch. 00:20:31.210 --> 00:20:32.830 align:middle line:90% Have a screen. 00:20:32.830 --> 00:20:35.350 align:middle line:84% Berliner suddenly blurted, great, great. 00:20:35.350 --> 00:20:36.310 align:middle line:90% Let's all do it. 00:20:36.310 --> 00:20:39.640 align:middle line:84% Let's all talk about our sexual experience. 00:20:39.640 --> 00:20:41.500 align:middle line:84% His face jerked in every direction, 00:20:41.500 --> 00:20:44.380 align:middle line:84% seeking encouragement, as if he'd heard nothing. 00:20:44.380 --> 00:20:47.335 align:middle line:84% Kramer said, I was born in Trenton, New Jersey. 00:20:47.335 --> 00:20:51.910 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:20:51.910 --> 00:20:54.310 align:middle line:90% My father was a union organizer. 00:20:54.310 --> 00:20:56.440 align:middle line:84% In those days, it was dangerous work. 00:20:56.440 --> 00:20:57.490 align:middle line:90% He was a communist. 00:20:57.490 --> 00:20:58.960 align:middle line:90% He lived for an idea. 00:20:58.960 --> 00:21:00.820 align:middle line:84% My mother believed in everything he said, 00:21:00.820 --> 00:21:03.730 align:middle line:84% but she was always depressed, and she sat in the bedroom 00:21:03.730 --> 00:21:05.650 align:middle line:90% in her robe smoking cigarettes. 00:21:05.650 --> 00:21:07.390 align:middle line:90% She never cleaned the house. 00:21:07.390 --> 00:21:09.970 align:middle line:84% When I was six years old, I was shopping and cooking 00:21:09.970 --> 00:21:12.550 align:middle line:90% like my mother's mother. 00:21:12.550 --> 00:21:16.000 align:middle line:84% I cannot remember one minute which I can call my childhood. 00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:17.710 align:middle line:90% I was my mother's mother. 00:21:17.710 --> 00:21:20.920 align:middle line:84% I had a life with no beginning, no childhood. 00:21:20.920 --> 00:21:22.120 align:middle line:90% Right, said Berliner. 00:21:22.120 --> 00:21:26.440 align:middle line:84% You had your childhood later, 622 mother's, right? 00:21:26.440 --> 00:21:27.910 align:middle line:90% The women were women. 00:21:27.910 --> 00:21:29.950 align:middle line:84% Eventually, I'll have another 600. 00:21:29.950 --> 00:21:31.720 align:middle line:84% I don't know where my father is, but when 00:21:31.720 --> 00:21:35.230 align:middle line:84% I hear the word workers or the word struggle, I think of him. 00:21:35.230 --> 00:21:37.750 align:middle line:84% If I see a hard hat carrying a lunch pail, 00:21:37.750 --> 00:21:39.160 align:middle line:90% I think he's struggling. 00:21:39.160 --> 00:21:41.230 align:middle line:90% My mother now lives in New York. 00:21:41.230 --> 00:21:44.500 align:middle line:84% Twice a year I phone New York and get migraine headaches, 00:21:44.500 --> 00:21:46.240 align:middle line:90% blindness and nausea. 00:21:46.240 --> 00:21:50.950 align:middle line:84% Just say the area code, 212, and I feel pain in my eyes. 00:21:50.950 --> 00:21:52.690 align:middle line:84% I'd been looking at Kramer all evening, 00:21:52.690 --> 00:21:55.600 align:middle line:84% but now to my surprise, I noticed that his eyes didn't 00:21:55.600 --> 00:21:56.800 align:middle line:90% focus steadily. 00:21:56.800 --> 00:21:59.050 align:middle line:84% The right eye was slightly askew. 00:21:59.050 --> 00:22:01.930 align:middle line:84% He blinked hard and brought it into line with the other eye. 00:22:01.930 --> 00:22:04.240 align:middle line:90% After a while, it drifted away. 00:22:04.240 --> 00:22:07.030 align:middle line:84% He'd let it go for a moment, then blink hard again. 00:22:07.030 --> 00:22:09.648 align:middle line:84% His voice was trancelike, compulsive, 00:22:09.648 --> 00:22:11.440 align:middle line:84% as if he'd been trying to tell us something 00:22:11.440 --> 00:22:14.950 align:middle line:84% before he would be overwhelmed by doubt and confusion. 00:22:14.950 --> 00:22:17.350 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh said, what about Nancy? 00:22:17.350 --> 00:22:18.640 align:middle line:90% What about her? 00:22:18.640 --> 00:22:21.850 align:middle line:84% Kramer sounded surprised, as if unsure who Nancy was. 00:22:21.850 --> 00:22:23.050 align:middle line:90% Nancy Kramer. 00:22:23.050 --> 00:22:25.150 align:middle line:84% These are her plants, aren't they? 00:22:25.150 --> 00:22:27.400 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh was looking at the photos on the rug 00:22:27.400 --> 00:22:28.690 align:middle line:90% not the plants. 00:22:28.690 --> 00:22:29.830 align:middle line:90% You mean the women? 00:22:29.830 --> 00:22:32.080 align:middle line:84% What does Nancy think about my women? 00:22:32.080 --> 00:22:34.540 align:middle line:84% That's right, we have a good understanding. 00:22:34.540 --> 00:22:35.710 align:middle line:90% Nancy goes out, too. 00:22:35.710 --> 00:22:36.610 align:middle line:90% Its cool. 00:22:36.610 --> 00:22:37.465 align:middle line:90% The plants are mine. 00:22:37.465 --> 00:22:40.420 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:22:40.420 --> 00:22:41.480 align:middle line:90% Yours I said? 00:22:41.480 --> 00:22:41.980 align:middle line:90% Yes. 00:22:41.980 --> 00:22:43.070 align:middle line:90% I love them. 00:22:43.070 --> 00:22:44.860 align:middle line:84% I've even got them on my tape recorder. 00:22:44.860 --> 00:22:47.440 align:middle line:84% I could play you the fig tree in the corner. 00:22:47.440 --> 00:22:50.050 align:middle line:84% Kramer said this to me with a sly, dopey look 00:22:50.050 --> 00:22:53.320 align:middle line:84% as if trying to change the mood, trying to make a joke. 00:22:53.320 --> 00:22:55.720 align:middle line:84% Too much, too much, Kramer, said Berliner. 00:22:55.720 --> 00:22:58.450 align:middle line:84% My wife and me are exactly the same. 00:22:58.450 --> 00:23:00.730 align:middle line:84% I mean, we also have an understanding. 00:23:00.730 --> 00:23:02.530 align:middle line:90% I said, let Kramer talk. 00:23:02.530 --> 00:23:04.900 align:middle line:84% Kramer shook his head and bent what Berliner is saying. 00:23:04.900 --> 00:23:05.680 align:middle line:90% That's all right. 00:23:05.680 --> 00:23:07.450 align:middle line:90% Do you want to say more, Solly? 00:23:07.450 --> 00:23:08.800 align:middle line:90% Berliner looked at his knees. 00:23:08.800 --> 00:23:10.270 align:middle line:90% No, you go on Kramer. 00:23:10.270 --> 00:23:12.040 align:middle line:90% I'm sorry I interrupted. 00:23:12.040 --> 00:23:14.890 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh imitating Kramer bent toward Berliner. 00:23:14.890 --> 00:23:17.110 align:middle line:84% Solly, aren't you jealous when your wife 00:23:17.110 --> 00:23:19.270 align:middle line:90% is making it with another guy? 00:23:19.270 --> 00:23:21.670 align:middle line:84% Berliner raised his face toward Kavanaugh. 00:23:21.670 --> 00:23:22.720 align:middle line:90% Jealous? 00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:24.160 align:middle line:90% Yeah, jealous. 00:23:24.160 --> 00:23:27.040 align:middle line:90% No man, I'm liberated. 00:23:27.040 --> 00:23:29.210 align:middle line:84% What the hell does that mean, I said? 00:23:29.210 --> 00:23:32.770 align:middle line:84% Looking at me now, Berliner said as if it were obvious, 00:23:32.770 --> 00:23:34.480 align:middle line:90% I don't feel anything. 00:23:34.480 --> 00:23:37.180 align:middle line:84% Liberated means you don't feel anything. 00:23:37.180 --> 00:23:38.380 align:middle line:90% Yes, said Berliner. 00:23:38.380 --> 00:23:39.820 align:middle line:90% I'm liberated. 00:23:39.820 --> 00:23:43.450 align:middle line:84% Harold, with a huge stare of pleasure began repeating, 00:23:43.450 --> 00:23:46.390 align:middle line:84% you don't feel anything, you don't feel anything. 00:23:46.390 --> 00:23:47.740 align:middle line:90% Berliner shrugged. 00:23:47.740 --> 00:23:49.810 align:middle line:90% Once I felt something. 00:23:49.810 --> 00:23:52.240 align:middle line:84% Writhing in his creamy slacks, Harold 00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:54.160 align:middle line:90% said, tell us about that please. 00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:56.060 align:middle line:84% The little tears were in his eyes again. 00:23:56.060 --> 00:23:58.540 align:middle line:84% Tell us about the time you felt something. 00:23:58.540 --> 00:24:01.360 align:middle line:84% Does everyone want to hear, said Berliner, looking at me. 00:24:01.360 --> 00:24:02.830 align:middle line:90% I said, Yes. 00:24:02.830 --> 00:24:03.790 align:middle line:90% He smiled. 00:24:03.790 --> 00:24:06.370 align:middle line:84% His voice was full of accommodation. 00:24:06.370 --> 00:24:07.930 align:middle line:84% We had a weekend in the mountains 00:24:07.930 --> 00:24:11.230 align:middle line:84% with another couple, a ski cabin near Lake Tahoe. 00:24:11.230 --> 00:24:13.000 align:middle line:84% The first night we became a little drunk 00:24:13.000 --> 00:24:15.610 align:middle line:84% after dinner and somebody, maybe me, yeah, yeah me. 00:24:15.610 --> 00:24:18.070 align:middle line:90% I said, let's trade partners. 00:24:18.070 --> 00:24:20.260 align:middle line:90% It was my own idea, right? 00:24:20.260 --> 00:24:21.610 align:middle line:90% So we traded. 00:24:21.610 --> 00:24:22.630 align:middle line:90% It was OK. 00:24:22.630 --> 00:24:24.400 align:middle line:84% It wasn't the first time we did it, 00:24:24.400 --> 00:24:25.960 align:middle line:84% but then I heard my wife moaning. 00:24:25.960 --> 00:24:27.250 align:middle line:90% I couldn't help hearing her. 00:24:27.250 --> 00:24:28.660 align:middle line:90% A small cabin. 00:24:28.660 --> 00:24:30.100 align:middle line:90% And that was OK. 00:24:30.100 --> 00:24:32.530 align:middle line:84% But she was not just moaning, you know what I mean? 00:24:32.530 --> 00:24:35.860 align:middle line:90% You know, it was love, love. 00:24:35.860 --> 00:24:36.880 align:middle line:90% Said Kramer. 00:24:36.880 --> 00:24:37.930 align:middle line:90% Yeah, I didn't like it. 00:24:37.930 --> 00:24:39.370 align:middle line:90% She was moaning with love. 00:24:39.370 --> 00:24:43.660 align:middle line:84% Moaning is OK, but she was going too far, you know what I mean? 00:24:43.660 --> 00:24:45.310 align:middle line:90% She was doing love. 00:24:45.310 --> 00:24:47.050 align:middle line:90% I wanted to kill her. 00:24:47.050 --> 00:24:49.810 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh reached over and squeezed Berliner's elbow. 00:24:49.810 --> 00:24:52.030 align:middle line:84% Berliner was still smiling, the big green 00:24:52.030 --> 00:24:55.240 align:middle line:84% eyes searching our faces for the meaning of what he'd said. 00:24:55.240 --> 00:24:57.430 align:middle line:84% Is that what you wanted to know, Harold? 00:24:57.430 --> 00:24:59.320 align:middle line:90% Did it ruin your weekend? 00:24:59.320 --> 00:25:00.460 align:middle line:90% It was horrible, man. 00:25:00.460 --> 00:25:02.200 align:middle line:90% I lost my erection. 00:25:02.200 --> 00:25:04.810 align:middle line:84% Berliner began skreeing again, and I heard myself 00:25:04.810 --> 00:25:08.230 align:middle line:84% doing it too just like him making that creepy sound. 00:25:08.230 --> 00:25:09.640 align:middle line:90% It was horrible, horrible. 00:25:09.640 --> 00:25:10.970 align:middle line:90% I was ashamed. 00:25:10.970 --> 00:25:13.270 align:middle line:84% I ran out of the cabin and sat on a rock. 00:25:13.270 --> 00:25:16.930 align:middle line:84% My wife started calling through the door, Solly, Solly, Sally 00:25:16.930 --> 00:25:17.770 align:middle line:90% Berliner! 00:25:17.770 --> 00:25:22.600 align:middle line:84% Then she came outside laughing and found me. 00:25:22.600 --> 00:25:24.160 align:middle line:84% I showed her what she'd done to me. 00:25:24.160 --> 00:25:27.310 align:middle line:84% She said it wasn't her fault. She said it was my idea. 00:25:27.310 --> 00:25:29.710 align:middle line:84% I hit her and said that was my idea too. 00:25:29.710 --> 00:25:30.950 align:middle line:90% She started crying. 00:25:30.950 --> 00:25:34.330 align:middle line:84% Soon as she started crying, my erection came back. 00:25:34.330 --> 00:25:36.670 align:middle line:90% Kramer said, what happened next? 00:25:36.670 --> 00:25:38.380 align:middle line:84% But you were talking, Kramer, I said. 00:25:38.380 --> 00:25:39.667 align:middle line:90% You know what happened next. 00:25:39.667 --> 00:25:41.500 align:middle line:84% She hit him, and then they made it together. 00:25:41.500 --> 00:25:42.700 align:middle line:90% It's a cliche. 00:25:42.700 --> 00:25:44.290 align:middle line:84% You should finish telling your story. 00:25:44.290 --> 00:25:45.730 align:middle line:90% You should have a full turn. 00:25:45.730 --> 00:25:49.480 align:middle line:84% I wanted things done according to my idea, one man at a time. 00:25:49.480 --> 00:25:52.690 align:middle line:84% Berliner, incoherent with excitement, shouted at me. 00:25:52.690 --> 00:25:53.890 align:middle line:90% How the hell do you know? 00:25:53.890 --> 00:25:56.540 align:middle line:84% I'm telling what happened to me, me, me. 00:25:56.540 --> 00:25:57.040 align:middle line:90% All right. 00:25:57.040 --> 00:25:57.540 align:middle line:90% All right. 00:25:57.540 --> 00:25:58.930 align:middle line:90% What happened next? 00:25:58.930 --> 00:26:01.660 align:middle line:84% She hit me, and we made it together. 00:26:01.660 --> 00:26:04.060 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh with two fists began hammering the rug 00:26:04.060 --> 00:26:05.230 align:middle line:90% until everyone quieted. 00:26:05.230 --> 00:26:06.850 align:middle line:90% Then he said, look at Kramer. 00:26:06.850 --> 00:26:09.520 align:middle line:84% Kramer was slumped in his pillow, elbows on his knees, 00:26:09.520 --> 00:26:12.520 align:middle line:84% the dark face hanging, glancing vaguely, 00:26:12.520 --> 00:26:14.500 align:middle line:90% vaguely back at Kavanaugh. 00:26:14.500 --> 00:26:16.060 align:middle line:84% Let's let him alone, said Kavanaugh. 00:26:16.060 --> 00:26:17.477 align:middle line:84% Maybe he will want to go on later. 00:26:17.477 --> 00:26:20.050 align:middle line:84% I want to hear about the childhood he didn't have. 00:26:20.050 --> 00:26:21.760 align:middle line:84% But we're talking about love tonight. 00:26:21.760 --> 00:26:24.400 align:middle line:84% I'll tell you guys a love story OK? 00:26:24.400 --> 00:26:27.460 align:middle line:84% I said, Kramer tells us he made it with 600 women. 00:26:27.460 --> 00:26:29.770 align:middle line:84% Berliner says he traded his wife then beat her 00:26:29.770 --> 00:26:31.120 align:middle line:90% up and had an erection. 00:26:31.120 --> 00:26:32.740 align:middle line:90% You call that love? 00:26:32.740 --> 00:26:36.160 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh gave me a flat look as if I'd become strange to him. 00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:37.840 align:middle line:90% Yeah, why not. 00:26:37.840 --> 00:26:39.143 align:middle line:90% Oh God. 00:26:39.143 --> 00:26:40.810 align:middle line:84% Hey man, what do you want to hear about? 00:26:40.810 --> 00:26:42.690 align:middle line:90% Toothpaste and deodorants. 00:26:42.690 --> 00:26:43.690 align:middle line:90% You're right, Kavanaugh. 00:26:43.690 --> 00:26:44.260 align:middle line:90% I give up. 00:26:44.260 --> 00:26:46.780 align:middle line:84% I'll bet your story is about how you made it with 10,000 00:26:46.780 --> 00:26:48.580 align:middle line:90% high school cheerleaders. 00:26:48.580 --> 00:26:51.080 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh stared at the place in the rug. 00:26:51.080 --> 00:26:54.190 align:middle line:84% It just hammered, the big body and big face were immobilized. 00:26:54.190 --> 00:26:57.100 align:middle line:84% Getting things in order, remembering his story. 00:26:57.100 --> 00:26:59.710 align:middle line:84% And then his voice was simply there. 00:26:59.710 --> 00:27:01.450 align:middle line:84% About three months after we got married, 00:27:01.450 --> 00:27:03.910 align:middle line:84% my second wife and I started having arguments. 00:27:03.910 --> 00:27:05.320 align:middle line:90% Bad scenes. 00:27:05.320 --> 00:27:08.090 align:middle line:84% We would go to bed every night hating each other. 00:27:08.090 --> 00:27:10.108 align:middle line:90% There were months with no sex. 00:27:10.108 --> 00:27:11.650 align:middle line:84% I didn't know who was more miserable. 00:27:11.650 --> 00:27:13.510 align:middle line:84% I was making a lot of money playing ball, 00:27:13.510 --> 00:27:14.530 align:middle line:90% and I was playing good. 00:27:14.530 --> 00:27:17.410 align:middle line:84% It should have been good for us all together. 00:27:17.410 --> 00:27:19.060 align:middle line:84% The marriage should have been fine. 00:27:19.060 --> 00:27:21.610 align:middle line:84% In the middle of a game with the crowd screaming I think, 00:27:21.610 --> 00:27:25.630 align:middle line:84% this was no fantastic deal because I had no love at home. 00:27:25.630 --> 00:27:27.610 align:middle line:84% Soon there was nothing in my body but anger. 00:27:27.610 --> 00:27:29.740 align:middle line:84% I got into fights with my own teammates. 00:27:29.740 --> 00:27:32.170 align:middle line:84% I couldn't take a shave without slicing my face. 00:27:32.170 --> 00:27:34.060 align:middle line:90% I was smoking cigarettes. 00:27:34.060 --> 00:27:36.700 align:middle line:84% I had something against my body and wanted to hurt it. 00:27:36.700 --> 00:27:40.320 align:middle line:84% When I told my wife I was moving out she said, great. 00:27:40.320 --> 00:27:42.360 align:middle line:90% She wanted to live alone. 00:27:42.360 --> 00:27:44.040 align:middle line:84% I moved out and stayed with a friend 00:27:44.040 --> 00:27:45.390 align:middle line:90% until I found an apartment. 00:27:45.390 --> 00:27:48.000 align:middle line:84% One day in the grocery store, I was throwing every kind 00:27:48.000 --> 00:27:49.410 align:middle line:90% of thing into my shopping cart. 00:27:49.410 --> 00:27:51.030 align:middle line:84% I was making sure nothing I needed 00:27:51.030 --> 00:27:54.000 align:middle line:84% would show up later as being not there, 00:27:54.000 --> 00:27:56.370 align:middle line:84% and this woman I notice is pushing her cart 00:27:56.370 --> 00:27:59.100 align:middle line:84% behind me, up and down the aisles, giggling. 00:27:59.100 --> 00:28:00.900 align:middle line:90% I knew she was giggling at me. 00:28:00.900 --> 00:28:03.420 align:middle line:84% When I got to the cashier she was behind me in line 00:28:03.420 --> 00:28:07.020 align:middle line:84% still giggling and she says, very sweet and tickled, 00:28:07.020 --> 00:28:10.050 align:middle line:84% you must have a station wagon waiting for you. 00:28:10.050 --> 00:28:11.790 align:middle line:90% I said, I have a pickup truck. 00:28:11.790 --> 00:28:13.620 align:middle line:90% Do you want to ride? 00:28:13.620 --> 00:28:17.460 align:middle line:84% A man buying so much food, she figured, has a family. 00:28:17.460 --> 00:28:19.680 align:middle line:90% Safe to ask for a ride. 00:28:19.680 --> 00:28:21.480 align:middle line:90% She didn't have a car. 00:28:21.480 --> 00:28:24.690 align:middle line:84% I carried her groceries up to her apartment. 00:28:24.690 --> 00:28:27.930 align:middle line:84% A little boy was sitting on the floor watching TV. 00:28:27.930 --> 00:28:29.940 align:middle line:84% She introduced us and offered me a drink, 00:28:29.940 --> 00:28:31.950 align:middle line:84% and we sat in another room talking. 00:28:31.950 --> 00:28:33.630 align:middle line:90% The boy took care of himself. 00:28:33.630 --> 00:28:35.550 align:middle line:90% Just like in Kramer's story. 00:28:35.550 --> 00:28:38.370 align:middle line:84% He cooked dinner for himself, he gave himself a bath, 00:28:38.370 --> 00:28:39.600 align:middle line:90% then went to bed. 00:28:39.600 --> 00:28:42.090 align:middle line:84% But his mother wasn't depressed like Kramer's. 00:28:42.090 --> 00:28:45.640 align:middle line:84% She laughed and teased me and asked a lot of questions. 00:28:45.640 --> 00:28:48.060 align:middle line:84% I talked about myself for five or six hours. 00:28:48.060 --> 00:28:50.550 align:middle line:84% We ate dinner around midnight, and then at 4:00 00:28:50.550 --> 00:28:52.680 align:middle line:84% in the morning, I woke up in her bed 00:28:52.680 --> 00:28:54.600 align:middle line:84% thinking about my ton of groceries 00:28:54.600 --> 00:28:57.180 align:middle line:90% rotting in the pickup. 00:28:57.180 --> 00:28:58.750 align:middle line:90% But that wasn't what woke me. 00:28:58.750 --> 00:29:00.420 align:middle line:84% What woke me was the feeling I wanted 00:29:00.420 --> 00:29:03.450 align:middle line:84% to go home, back to my apartment, my own bed. 00:29:03.450 --> 00:29:06.660 align:middle line:84% I hadn't left one woman to sleep with another. 00:29:06.660 --> 00:29:09.240 align:middle line:84% I didn't know what I was doing in this woman's bed. 00:29:09.240 --> 00:29:12.870 align:middle line:84% I got up and dressed and left as I was about to drive away 00:29:12.870 --> 00:29:15.690 align:middle line:84% She comes running to the window of my pickup naked 00:29:15.690 --> 00:29:19.350 align:middle line:84% where are you going she says I told her she had nothing on. 00:29:19.350 --> 00:29:21.150 align:middle line:84% She says, where are you going at this hour? 00:29:21.150 --> 00:29:22.720 align:middle line:90% I said I wanted to go home. 00:29:22.720 --> 00:29:23.880 align:middle line:90% She says, Oh OK. 00:29:23.880 --> 00:29:26.970 align:middle line:84% I'll come with you I told her no and said I would phone her. 00:29:26.970 --> 00:29:29.610 align:middle line:84% She said OK and smiled and said good night. 00:29:29.610 --> 00:29:33.150 align:middle line:84% She was like that little boy, or he was like her, easy, OK. 00:29:33.150 --> 00:29:34.800 align:middle line:90% OK good night. 00:29:34.800 --> 00:29:36.240 align:middle line:84% I didn't think I would phone her. 00:29:36.240 --> 00:29:37.600 align:middle line:90% Now this is my story. 00:29:37.600 --> 00:29:40.710 align:middle line:84% I woke up the next afternoon I liked it, waking up alone. 00:29:40.710 --> 00:29:43.710 align:middle line:84% I liked it very much, but I felt something strange. 00:29:43.710 --> 00:29:44.910 align:middle line:90% I wanted something. 00:29:44.910 --> 00:29:47.500 align:middle line:84% Then I remembered the woman, and I knew what I wanted. 00:29:47.500 --> 00:29:48.840 align:middle line:90% I wanted to phone her. 00:29:48.840 --> 00:29:50.640 align:middle line:84% So I went to the phone and I realized 00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:52.050 align:middle line:90% I didn't know her number. 00:29:52.050 --> 00:29:53.850 align:middle line:90% I didn't even know her name. 00:29:53.850 --> 00:29:56.970 align:middle line:84% Well, I showered and got dressed and stopped thinking about her. 00:29:56.970 --> 00:29:58.560 align:middle line:90% I went out for something. 00:29:58.560 --> 00:29:59.460 align:middle line:90% I didn't know what. 00:29:59.460 --> 00:30:01.440 align:middle line:84% I had everything I needed in the apartment, 00:30:01.440 --> 00:30:03.150 align:middle line:84% but I started driving and right away I 00:30:03.150 --> 00:30:05.250 align:middle line:84% was driving back to the grocery store 00:30:05.250 --> 00:30:07.600 align:middle line:84% as if the car had a mind of its own. 00:30:07.600 --> 00:30:09.240 align:middle line:90% I was just holding the wheel. 00:30:09.240 --> 00:30:11.850 align:middle line:84% I didn't get further than the grocery store 00:30:11.850 --> 00:30:13.633 align:middle line:84% because I didn't remember where she lived. 00:30:13.633 --> 00:30:15.300 align:middle line:84% I remembered leaving the store with her, 00:30:15.300 --> 00:30:17.370 align:middle line:84% driving toward the Bay and that's all. 00:30:17.370 --> 00:30:19.080 align:middle line:90% She said turn right, turn left. 00:30:19.080 --> 00:30:20.070 align:middle line:90% And go straight. 00:30:20.070 --> 00:30:22.650 align:middle line:84% But I never noticed street names or anything. 00:30:22.650 --> 00:30:25.110 align:middle line:84% Now I wanted to see that woman more and more. 00:30:25.110 --> 00:30:27.510 align:middle line:84% The next day, I went back to the grocery store 00:30:27.510 --> 00:30:29.400 align:middle line:90% and hung around the parking lot. 00:30:29.400 --> 00:30:32.160 align:middle line:84% I did that every day for a week at different times 00:30:32.160 --> 00:30:34.140 align:middle line:84% I thought I remembered how she looked, 00:30:34.140 --> 00:30:36.810 align:middle line:84% talking to me through the window of my pickup. 00:30:36.810 --> 00:30:38.790 align:middle line:90% How she smiled and said OK. 00:30:38.790 --> 00:30:42.030 align:middle line:84% I wanted to see her again badly but it wasn't sure 00:30:42.030 --> 00:30:45.270 align:middle line:84% that I could recognize her in the street looking normal. 00:30:45.270 --> 00:30:48.900 align:middle line:84% She was wearing gold loop earrings, jeans and sandals. 00:30:48.900 --> 00:30:51.300 align:middle line:84% What if she came along in a skirt and heels? 00:30:51.300 --> 00:30:53.430 align:middle line:90% Anyhow I never saw her again. 00:30:53.430 --> 00:30:54.940 align:middle line:90% Kavanaugh stopped. 00:30:54.940 --> 00:30:58.170 align:middle line:84% It was obvious he had no more to say, but Kramer said, 00:30:58.170 --> 00:30:59.910 align:middle line:90% is that your story? 00:30:59.910 --> 00:31:00.690 align:middle line:90% Yes. 00:31:00.690 --> 00:31:03.720 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh smiled, leaning back, watching us. 00:31:03.720 --> 00:31:05.730 align:middle line:90% That's your love story I asked? 00:31:05.730 --> 00:31:07.440 align:middle line:90% Right, he answered, nodding. 00:31:07.440 --> 00:31:09.930 align:middle line:84% I fell in love with the woman I couldn't find the next day. 00:31:09.930 --> 00:31:12.330 align:middle line:84% She might live around the corner, man. 00:31:12.330 --> 00:31:14.850 align:middle line:84% You still love her, asked Paul, tremendous delicacy 00:31:14.850 --> 00:31:15.540 align:middle line:90% in his voice. 00:31:15.540 --> 00:31:19.680 align:middle line:84% The slight, small body poised full of tenderness and tension. 00:31:19.680 --> 00:31:22.620 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh smiled at him with melancholy eyes, 00:31:22.620 --> 00:31:24.840 align:middle line:84% the whole expression of his great face and body 00:31:24.840 --> 00:31:27.480 align:middle line:84% suggested that he'd been humbled by fate. 00:31:27.480 --> 00:31:28.860 align:middle line:90% Paul said, that can't be it. 00:31:28.860 --> 00:31:30.210 align:middle line:90% That can't be the end. 00:31:30.210 --> 00:31:31.590 align:middle line:90% The end. 00:31:31.590 --> 00:31:33.458 align:middle line:90% Kavanaugh, Paul said, pleading. 00:31:33.458 --> 00:31:34.500 align:middle line:90% I've known you for years. 00:31:34.500 --> 00:31:36.030 align:middle line:84% How come you never told me that story? 00:31:36.030 --> 00:31:36.910 align:middle line:90% I never told anyone. 00:31:36.910 --> 00:31:38.550 align:middle line:90% Maybe I'm not sure it happened. 00:31:38.550 --> 00:31:40.160 align:middle line:90% You did go back to the grocery. 00:31:40.160 --> 00:31:40.830 align:middle line:90% So what? 00:31:40.830 --> 00:31:42.640 align:middle line:84% I said Paul means if you looked for her. 00:31:42.640 --> 00:31:43.740 align:middle line:90% It happened. 00:31:43.740 --> 00:31:46.590 align:middle line:84% I still look when Sarah sends me out to do the shopping, 00:31:46.590 --> 00:31:49.530 align:middle line:84% she doesn't know the risks she's taking. 00:31:49.530 --> 00:31:51.720 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh, I said, do you think you ever passed her 00:31:51.720 --> 00:31:53.220 align:middle line:84% in the street and she recognized you 00:31:53.220 --> 00:31:54.690 align:middle line:90% but you didn't recognize her? 00:31:54.690 --> 00:31:57.300 align:middle line:84% Immediately, Kramer said, not recognize Kavanaugh? 00:31:57.300 --> 00:32:00.390 align:middle line:84% I'd recognize him even if I never saw him before. 00:32:00.390 --> 00:32:01.530 align:middle line:90% How would you recognize me? 00:32:01.530 --> 00:32:03.660 align:middle line:90% From your picture in the papers. 00:32:03.660 --> 00:32:06.120 align:middle line:84% She didn't read the sports pages. 00:32:06.120 --> 00:32:07.380 align:middle line:90% Hey, said Berliner. 00:32:07.380 --> 00:32:08.460 align:middle line:90% I have an idea. 00:32:08.460 --> 00:32:09.600 align:middle line:90% We can all look for her. 00:32:09.600 --> 00:32:10.710 align:middle line:90% What do you say? 00:32:10.710 --> 00:32:12.900 align:middle line:90% Paul said, shut up. 00:32:12.900 --> 00:32:14.520 align:middle line:84% Why is everyone telling me to shut up? 00:32:14.520 --> 00:32:18.060 align:middle line:84% I drove here from San Jose and everyone tells me to shut up. 00:32:18.060 --> 00:32:20.190 align:middle line:84% Berliner was sighing in a philosophical way. 00:32:20.190 --> 00:32:22.530 align:middle line:84% He had just seen into the nature of life. 00:32:22.530 --> 00:32:24.330 align:middle line:90% Looking for Kavanaugh's woman. 00:32:24.330 --> 00:32:25.980 align:middle line:90% To me, that's a good idea. 00:32:25.980 --> 00:32:27.570 align:middle line:90% Hey man, I have a better idea. 00:32:27.570 --> 00:32:30.350 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh, take a quick look through Kramer's snapshots. 00:32:30.350 --> 00:32:33.270 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:32:33.270 --> 00:32:34.230 align:middle line:90% Kavanaugh smirked. 00:32:34.230 --> 00:32:35.290 align:middle line:90% She wasn't one of them. 00:32:35.290 --> 00:32:36.540 align:middle line:90% She was a queen. 00:32:36.540 --> 00:32:39.040 align:middle line:90% Queen of what, shouted Kramer. 00:32:39.040 --> 00:32:40.180 align:middle line:90% My women have names. 00:32:40.180 --> 00:32:41.140 align:middle line:90% What did you call her? 00:32:41.140 --> 00:32:42.430 align:middle line:90% You call her queen? 00:32:42.430 --> 00:32:44.487 align:middle line:84% Berliner, give me my telephone directory. 00:32:44.487 --> 00:32:45.070 align:middle line:90% I'll find her. 00:32:45.070 --> 00:32:47.800 align:middle line:84% How many women in Berkeley can be named queen? 00:32:47.800 --> 00:32:48.720 align:middle line:90% I'm sorry Kramer. 00:32:48.720 --> 00:32:49.330 align:middle line:90% Take it easy. 00:32:49.330 --> 00:32:51.820 align:middle line:84% I didn't intend to crap on your 600 women. 00:32:51.820 --> 00:32:53.980 align:middle line:84% He thinks I crapped on his harem. 00:32:53.980 --> 00:32:54.910 align:middle line:90% I said, let me talk. 00:32:54.910 --> 00:32:56.560 align:middle line:90% I want to tell a love story. 00:32:56.560 --> 00:32:57.760 align:middle line:90% Great, said Berliner. 00:32:57.760 --> 00:32:58.870 align:middle line:90% Everybody shut up. 00:32:58.870 --> 00:32:59.500 align:middle line:90% Go man. 00:32:59.500 --> 00:33:00.957 align:middle line:90% Sing the blues. 00:33:00.957 --> 00:33:02.290 align:middle line:90% You don't want to hear my story? 00:33:02.290 --> 00:33:03.820 align:middle line:90% I listened to yours, Berliner. 00:33:03.820 --> 00:33:05.290 align:middle line:90% Yes he does, said Kramer. 00:33:05.290 --> 00:33:06.610 align:middle line:90% Let him talk, Solly. 00:33:06.610 --> 00:33:10.300 align:middle line:84% I didn't try to stop him, Kavanaugh said, just begin. 00:33:10.300 --> 00:33:13.000 align:middle line:84% Yes, said Berliner, grinning in an animal way. 00:33:13.000 --> 00:33:15.070 align:middle line:90% Brilliant, stiff with teeth. 00:33:15.070 --> 00:33:18.040 align:middle line:84% So far, I said, I've heard three stories about one thing. 00:33:18.040 --> 00:33:19.210 align:middle line:90% Kavanaugh calls it love. 00:33:19.210 --> 00:33:22.480 align:middle line:84% I call it stories about the other woman. 00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:25.060 align:middle line:84% By which I mean the one who is not the wife. 00:33:25.060 --> 00:33:28.120 align:middle line:84% To you guys, only the other woman is interesting. 00:33:28.120 --> 00:33:29.740 align:middle line:84% If there wasn't first the wife, there 00:33:29.740 --> 00:33:31.300 align:middle line:90% couldn't be the other woman. 00:33:31.300 --> 00:33:32.590 align:middle line:90% Especially you Berliner. 00:33:32.590 --> 00:33:35.200 align:middle line:84% Especially in your case, moaning, just 00:33:35.200 --> 00:33:38.350 align:middle line:84% moaning in the other room, your wife is only your wife, 00:33:38.350 --> 00:33:39.520 align:middle line:90% moaning with love. 00:33:39.520 --> 00:33:40.930 align:middle line:90% She's the other woman. 00:33:40.930 --> 00:33:42.700 align:middle line:90% And Kramer with the snapshots. 00:33:42.700 --> 00:33:43.570 align:middle line:90% Look at them. 00:33:43.570 --> 00:33:45.430 align:middle line:84% Kramer spent most of his life trying 00:33:45.430 --> 00:33:47.515 align:middle line:84% to photograph the other woman, not 00:33:47.515 --> 00:33:49.390 align:middle line:84% knowing that every time he snapped a picture, 00:33:49.390 --> 00:33:50.920 align:middle line:90% it was like getting married. 00:33:50.920 --> 00:33:53.200 align:middle line:84% Like permanently eliminating another woman 00:33:53.200 --> 00:33:56.620 align:middle line:84% from the possibility of being the other woman. 00:33:56.620 --> 00:33:59.380 align:middle line:84% As for Kavanaugh, why can't he find his woman? 00:33:59.380 --> 00:34:00.820 align:middle line:90% Because he doesn't want to. 00:34:00.820 --> 00:34:03.460 align:middle line:84% If he finds her, she won't be the other woman anymore. 00:34:03.460 --> 00:34:05.230 align:middle line:84% This way, he can protect his marriage. 00:34:05.230 --> 00:34:06.940 align:middle line:84% Every time he goes to the grocery store 00:34:06.940 --> 00:34:10.360 align:middle line:84% and doesn't see the other woman, which is every single time, 00:34:10.360 --> 00:34:12.250 align:middle line:90% his marriage is stronger. 00:34:12.250 --> 00:34:15.272 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh frowning at me said, what are you trying to tell us? 00:34:15.272 --> 00:34:17.230 align:middle line:84% What's all this business about the other woman? 00:34:17.230 --> 00:34:18.880 align:middle line:90% Why don't you just say it, man? 00:34:18.880 --> 00:34:21.523 align:middle line:84% Kramer then said, you're trying to tell us you love your wife? 00:34:21.523 --> 00:34:22.690 align:middle line:90% You think I don't love mine? 00:34:22.690 --> 00:34:24.190 align:middle line:84% You think Solly doesn't love his wife? 00:34:24.190 --> 00:34:26.440 align:middle line:84% Berliner cried, if that's all you think, you're right. 00:34:26.440 --> 00:34:28.120 align:middle line:90% I hate my wife. 00:34:28.120 --> 00:34:30.040 align:middle line:90% Tell your story, said Kavanaugh. 00:34:30.040 --> 00:34:32.120 align:middle line:90% Enough philosophy. 00:34:32.120 --> 00:34:33.370 align:middle line:90% I don't know if I can tell it. 00:34:33.370 --> 00:34:34.300 align:middle line:90% I never told it before. 00:34:34.300 --> 00:34:36.425 align:middle line:84% It's about a woman who was my friend in high school 00:34:36.425 --> 00:34:37.030 align:middle line:90% and college. 00:34:37.030 --> 00:34:38.409 align:middle line:90% Her name is Marilyn. 00:34:38.409 --> 00:34:40.000 align:middle line:90% We practically grew up together. 00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:41.409 align:middle line:90% She lives in Chicago now. 00:34:41.409 --> 00:34:44.793 align:middle line:84% She's a violinist in a Symphony Orchestra. 00:34:44.793 --> 00:34:46.960 align:middle line:84% I spent more time with her than with any other woman 00:34:46.960 --> 00:34:48.070 align:middle line:90% except maybe my mother. 00:34:48.070 --> 00:34:49.210 align:middle line:90% She wasn't like a sister. 00:34:49.210 --> 00:34:51.548 align:middle line:84% She was like a friend, a very close friend. 00:34:51.548 --> 00:34:53.590 align:middle line:84% I couldn't have had such a friendship with a man. 00:34:53.590 --> 00:34:56.260 align:middle line:84% We'd go out together a lot, and if I brought her home late, 00:34:56.260 --> 00:34:58.450 align:middle line:84% I'd stay over at her place in the same bed. 00:34:58.450 --> 00:35:00.610 align:middle line:90% Nothing sexual between us. 00:35:00.610 --> 00:35:01.910 align:middle line:90% It would have been a crime. 00:35:01.910 --> 00:35:04.300 align:middle line:84% We would fight plenty, say terrible things to each other, 00:35:04.300 --> 00:35:05.560 align:middle line:90% but we were close. 00:35:05.560 --> 00:35:06.940 align:middle line:90% She phoned me every day. 00:35:06.940 --> 00:35:08.500 align:middle line:84% We stayed on the phone for an hour. 00:35:08.500 --> 00:35:11.530 align:middle line:84% We went to parties together when neither of us had a date. 00:35:11.530 --> 00:35:13.900 align:middle line:84% I liked showing up with her because she was attractive. 00:35:13.900 --> 00:35:17.080 align:middle line:84% Showing up with her increased my chances of meeting some girl. 00:35:17.080 --> 00:35:20.170 align:middle line:84% It gave me a kind of power, walking in with Marilyn, 00:35:20.170 --> 00:35:22.810 align:middle line:84% feeling free to pick up somebody else. 00:35:22.810 --> 00:35:24.400 align:middle line:90% She had the same power. 00:35:24.400 --> 00:35:26.890 align:middle line:84% Anyhow, we never analyzed our relationship, 00:35:26.890 --> 00:35:28.930 align:middle line:84% but we joked about what other people thought. 00:35:28.930 --> 00:35:31.040 align:middle line:84% My mother would sometimes answer the phone. 00:35:31.040 --> 00:35:33.500 align:middle line:84% And if she heard Marilyn's voice she would say, 00:35:33.500 --> 00:35:35.290 align:middle line:90% it's your future wife. 00:35:35.290 --> 00:35:37.150 align:middle line:90% She used to worry about us. 00:35:37.150 --> 00:35:39.760 align:middle line:84% She used to warn me that any woman I was serious about 00:35:39.760 --> 00:35:43.300 align:middle line:84% would object to Marilyn, or she'd say it wasn't nice me 00:35:43.300 --> 00:35:45.460 align:middle line:84% and Marilyn being so thick with each other 00:35:45.460 --> 00:35:49.180 align:middle line:84% because I was ruining her chances of meeting a man. 00:35:49.180 --> 00:35:50.110 align:middle line:90% That wasn't true. 00:35:50.110 --> 00:35:52.990 align:middle line:84% Marilyn had plenty of affairs, all of them ended badly, 00:35:52.990 --> 00:35:54.680 align:middle line:90% but I had nothing to do with it. 00:35:54.680 --> 00:35:57.310 align:middle line:84% One of her men scissored her dresses into rags, 00:35:57.310 --> 00:36:00.160 align:middle line:84% and another flung her Siamese cat out the window. 00:36:00.160 --> 00:36:01.720 align:middle line:84% She would manage to find some man who 00:36:01.720 --> 00:36:03.700 align:middle line:84% was well-educated, had pleasant manners 00:36:03.700 --> 00:36:05.320 align:middle line:90% and turned out to be a brute. 00:36:05.320 --> 00:36:07.180 align:middle line:84% She suffered, but nothing destroyed her. 00:36:07.180 --> 00:36:08.200 align:middle line:90% She had her violin. 00:36:08.200 --> 00:36:09.550 align:middle line:90% She also had me. 00:36:09.550 --> 00:36:11.590 align:middle line:84% When I was out of a job and not going to school, 00:36:11.590 --> 00:36:14.110 align:middle line:84% she loaned me money and let me stay at her place for weeks. 00:36:14.110 --> 00:36:15.970 align:middle line:84% I didn't have to ask, I just showed up 00:36:15.970 --> 00:36:17.755 align:middle line:90% one day with my suitcase. 00:36:17.755 --> 00:36:19.630 align:middle line:84% One weekend while I was staying at her place, 00:36:19.630 --> 00:36:22.570 align:middle line:84% she came home with a friend, a girl who looked something like 00:36:22.570 --> 00:36:26.020 align:middle line:84% her, lean with curly brown hair with beautiful skin, 00:36:26.020 --> 00:36:28.750 align:middle line:84% faintly olive colored like Marilyn's. 00:36:28.750 --> 00:36:31.330 align:middle line:84% Before dinner was over, Marilyn remembered something 00:36:31.330 --> 00:36:32.560 align:middle line:90% important she had to do. 00:36:32.560 --> 00:36:35.200 align:middle line:84% She excused herself and went to a movie. 00:36:35.200 --> 00:36:37.660 align:middle line:84% Her friend and I were alone in the apartment. 00:36:37.660 --> 00:36:39.370 align:middle line:90% It was glorious. 00:36:39.370 --> 00:36:41.497 align:middle line:84% Two weeks later, when I was talking to Marilyn 00:36:41.497 --> 00:36:43.330 align:middle line:84% about this and that, I mentioned her friend. 00:36:43.330 --> 00:36:46.750 align:middle line:84% Marilyn said she didn't want to hear about it. 00:36:46.750 --> 00:36:48.490 align:middle line:84% She said that friendship was over 00:36:48.490 --> 00:36:50.350 align:middle line:84% and it was something she couldn't discuss. 00:36:50.350 --> 00:36:53.110 align:middle line:84% Furthermore she said I had acted badly that night at dinner, 00:36:53.110 --> 00:36:54.757 align:middle line:84% driving her out of her own apartment. 00:36:54.757 --> 00:36:56.590 align:middle line:84% I said, I thought you left as a favor to me. 00:36:56.590 --> 00:36:58.330 align:middle line:84% I thought you did it deliberately. 00:36:58.330 --> 00:36:59.980 align:middle line:84% She said she did do it deliberately, 00:36:59.980 --> 00:37:02.290 align:middle line:84% but only because I made it extremely obvious that I 00:37:02.290 --> 00:37:05.080 align:middle line:84% was hot for her friend and I acted like a slob. 00:37:05.080 --> 00:37:07.155 align:middle line:84% Now I began to feel angry I told her 00:37:07.155 --> 00:37:09.280 align:middle line:84% she didn't have to leave her apartment for my sake, 00:37:09.280 --> 00:37:11.613 align:middle line:84% and it was rotten of her to make me feel guilty about it 00:37:11.613 --> 00:37:14.350 align:middle line:84% two weeks after I had started having very strong feelings 00:37:14.350 --> 00:37:15.430 align:middle line:90% about her friend. 00:37:15.430 --> 00:37:18.520 align:middle line:84% So strong, in fact, we'd been talking about marriage. 00:37:18.520 --> 00:37:20.230 align:middle line:84% I thought this would change everything. 00:37:20.230 --> 00:37:22.047 align:middle line:84% Marilyn would laugh and give me a hug. 00:37:22.047 --> 00:37:24.130 align:middle line:84% Instead, she lights a cigarette and begins smoking 00:37:24.130 --> 00:37:27.580 align:middle line:84% with quick half drags, flicking ashes all over her couch. 00:37:27.580 --> 00:37:30.310 align:middle line:84% Then she says, why don't you just say 00:37:30.310 --> 00:37:34.570 align:middle line:84% that you consider me physically disgusting and you always have? 00:37:34.570 --> 00:37:36.910 align:middle line:84% This was my old friend, Marilyn, speaking, 00:37:36.910 --> 00:37:39.440 align:middle line:84% but it seemed like science fiction. 00:37:39.440 --> 00:37:40.990 align:middle line:90% It looked like her. 00:37:40.990 --> 00:37:42.680 align:middle line:90% It sounded like her. 00:37:42.680 --> 00:37:44.500 align:middle line:90% It was her, but it wasn't. 00:37:44.500 --> 00:37:48.010 align:middle line:84% Some weird mongoose had seized her soul. 00:37:48.010 --> 00:37:50.680 align:middle line:84% Then she starts telling me about what is inside my head. 00:37:50.680 --> 00:37:52.960 align:middle line:84% Things she's always known, though I 00:37:52.960 --> 00:37:54.520 align:middle line:90% tried to hide them from her. 00:37:54.520 --> 00:37:56.170 align:middle line:84% Her voice is getting bitter and nasty. 00:37:56.170 --> 00:37:58.360 align:middle line:84% She says she knows I can't stand her breasts, 00:37:58.360 --> 00:38:01.000 align:middle line:84% and the birthmark on her neck sickens me. 00:38:01.000 --> 00:38:03.070 align:middle line:90% I said, what birthmark? 00:38:03.070 --> 00:38:05.340 align:middle line:84% She says, who are you trying to kid? 00:38:05.340 --> 00:38:07.360 align:middle line:84% I've seen you looking at it 1,000 times when 00:38:07.360 --> 00:38:08.890 align:middle line:90% you thought I didn't notice. 00:38:08.890 --> 00:38:10.720 align:middle line:84% I sat down beside her on the couch. 00:38:10.720 --> 00:38:12.850 align:middle line:84% She says, get away from me, you pig. 00:38:12.850 --> 00:38:16.390 align:middle line:84% I felt confused, ashamed and frightened at the same time. 00:38:16.390 --> 00:38:19.030 align:middle line:84% Then, she jumps off the couch and strides out of the room. 00:38:19.030 --> 00:38:21.730 align:middle line:84% I hear her slamming around on the toilet, bottles 00:38:21.730 --> 00:38:24.010 align:middle line:84% toppling out of the medicine cabinet into the sink, 00:38:24.010 --> 00:38:25.210 align:middle line:90% smashing. 00:38:25.210 --> 00:38:26.860 align:middle line:84% I said, Marilyn are you all right? 00:38:26.860 --> 00:38:28.060 align:middle line:90% No answer. 00:38:28.060 --> 00:38:30.760 align:middle line:84% She finally comes out wearing a bathrobe with nothing 00:38:30.760 --> 00:38:32.500 align:middle line:84% underneath, and the robe is open, 00:38:32.500 --> 00:38:35.350 align:middle line:84% but she's standing there as if nothing has changed since she 00:38:35.350 --> 00:38:37.240 align:middle line:84% left the room, and she talks to me 00:38:37.240 --> 00:38:39.190 align:middle line:90% again in the same nasty voice. 00:38:39.190 --> 00:38:41.410 align:middle line:84% She sneers and accuses me of things 00:38:41.410 --> 00:38:44.260 align:middle line:84% I couldn't have imagined, let alone thought about her as she 00:38:44.260 --> 00:38:46.990 align:middle line:84% says I did every day, all the time, 00:38:46.990 --> 00:38:49.870 align:middle line:90% pretending I was her friend. 00:38:49.870 --> 00:38:52.210 align:middle line:84% Suddenly, I'm full of a new feeling, a feeling 00:38:52.210 --> 00:38:53.800 align:middle line:90% I've never had before. 00:38:53.800 --> 00:38:57.550 align:middle line:84% Not what a normal person would call sexual feeling, but what 00:38:57.550 --> 00:38:58.990 align:middle line:90% does a penis know? 00:38:58.990 --> 00:39:01.300 align:middle line:84% It isn't a connoisseur of normal feeling 00:39:01.300 --> 00:39:02.740 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:39:02.740 --> 00:39:06.400 align:middle line:84% Besides, I was a lot younger, still 00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:10.030 align:middle line:84% mystified by life, especially my own chemicals. 00:39:10.030 --> 00:39:11.980 align:middle line:84% I leap off the couch and grab her. 00:39:11.980 --> 00:39:12.640 align:middle line:90% No! 00:39:12.640 --> 00:39:14.980 align:middle line:84% I find myself leaping, grabbing her, 00:39:14.980 --> 00:39:18.190 align:middle line:84% and she's twisting trying to hit me really fighting. 00:39:18.190 --> 00:39:20.450 align:middle line:84% I feel she's seriously trying to hurt me. 00:39:20.450 --> 00:39:22.600 align:middle line:84% But there's no screaming or cursing. 00:39:22.600 --> 00:39:25.240 align:middle line:84% There's nothing but the two of us breathing and sweating 00:39:25.240 --> 00:39:28.390 align:middle line:84% and then she begins to collapse, to slide toward the floor. 00:39:28.390 --> 00:39:29.950 align:middle line:90% Next thing, I'm on top of her. 00:39:29.950 --> 00:39:33.340 align:middle line:84% I'm wearing my clothes, she's lying on her open robe. 00:39:33.340 --> 00:39:35.560 align:middle line:90% It's supernaturally exciting. 00:39:35.560 --> 00:39:37.900 align:middle line:84% Both of us are shivering and wild. 00:39:37.900 --> 00:39:40.840 align:middle line:84% We fell asleep like that and slept at least an hour. 00:39:40.840 --> 00:39:43.690 align:middle line:84% I woke when I felt her moving, the lights were on. 00:39:43.690 --> 00:39:45.140 align:middle line:90% We were looking at each other. 00:39:45.140 --> 00:39:47.510 align:middle line:84% She says, this is very discouraging. 00:39:47.510 --> 00:39:50.860 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:39:50.860 --> 00:39:53.470 align:middle line:84% Then, she went to her bedroom and shut the door. 00:39:53.470 --> 00:39:55.990 align:middle line:84% I got up and followed her and knocked at the door. 00:39:55.990 --> 00:39:58.660 align:middle line:84% She opens it and lets me kiss her. 00:39:58.660 --> 00:40:00.130 align:middle line:90% Then, she shut the door again. 00:40:00.130 --> 00:40:01.210 align:middle line:90% I went home. 00:40:01.210 --> 00:40:03.700 align:middle line:84% Six months later, she phoned me from Chicago 00:40:03.700 --> 00:40:07.030 align:middle line:84% to tell me about her new job and to give me her address. 00:40:07.030 --> 00:40:09.010 align:middle line:84% After a while, she asked about her friend. 00:40:09.010 --> 00:40:11.500 align:middle line:84% I told her it was finished between her friend and me. 00:40:11.500 --> 00:40:13.000 align:middle line:90% I was seeing somebody else. 00:40:13.000 --> 00:40:14.770 align:middle line:90% She changed the subject. 00:40:14.770 --> 00:40:16.970 align:middle line:84% Now, every few months I get a letter. 00:40:16.970 --> 00:40:18.100 align:middle line:90% I write to her also. 00:40:18.100 --> 00:40:21.460 align:middle line:84% Someday if I happen to be in Chicago, I'll visit her. 00:40:21.460 --> 00:40:23.440 align:middle line:84% In the silence following my story, 00:40:23.440 --> 00:40:25.330 align:middle line:84% I began to regret having told it. 00:40:25.330 --> 00:40:27.220 align:middle line:84% Then, a man who had said nothing all evening 00:40:27.220 --> 00:40:30.280 align:middle line:84% asked, did you make it that night with Marilyn? 00:40:30.280 --> 00:40:32.330 align:middle line:90% No, nothing changed. 00:40:32.330 --> 00:40:33.640 align:middle line:90% I don't think it ever will. 00:40:33.640 --> 00:40:36.640 align:middle line:84% I could show up tomorrow in Chicago with my suitcase 00:40:36.640 --> 00:40:38.500 align:middle line:90% and move into her place. 00:40:38.500 --> 00:40:41.410 align:middle line:84% The man shook his head softly and started to say something, 00:40:41.410 --> 00:40:42.610 align:middle line:90% then stopped. 00:40:42.610 --> 00:40:43.570 align:middle line:90% Go on, I said. 00:40:43.570 --> 00:40:44.900 align:middle line:90% Do you have a question? 00:40:44.900 --> 00:40:45.820 align:middle line:90% He smiled. 00:40:45.820 --> 00:40:46.940 align:middle line:90% We waited. 00:40:46.940 --> 00:40:48.970 align:middle line:90% It was clear he was a shy man. 00:40:48.970 --> 00:40:51.790 align:middle line:84% Then he said, was it a true story? 00:40:51.790 --> 00:40:53.020 align:middle line:90% Yes. 00:40:53.020 --> 00:40:57.070 align:middle line:84% He shrugged and smiled and said, I liked Marilyn. 00:40:57.070 --> 00:40:58.150 align:middle line:90% I said I like her too. 00:40:58.150 --> 00:40:59.590 align:middle line:90% Maybe I can fix you up with her. 00:40:59.590 --> 00:41:01.370 align:middle line:90% What's your name? 00:41:01.370 --> 00:41:01.870 align:middle line:90% Terry. 00:41:01.870 --> 00:41:05.260 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:41:05.260 --> 00:41:07.420 align:middle line:90% Terry, shrieked Berliner! 00:41:07.420 --> 00:41:10.960 align:middle line:84% Terry, you're supposed to phone your wife! 00:41:10.960 --> 00:41:14.320 align:middle line:84% Grinning at Berliner, Terry seemed less a shy man 00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:16.120 align:middle line:90% than a man surprised. 00:41:16.120 --> 00:41:19.360 align:middle line:84% It's not my wife he said, intimating complexities, 00:41:19.360 --> 00:41:21.160 align:middle line:90% old confusions. 00:41:21.160 --> 00:41:23.080 align:middle line:84% As if to forbid himself another word, 00:41:23.080 --> 00:41:25.540 align:middle line:84% he shook his head, long and bald. 00:41:25.540 --> 00:41:29.710 align:middle line:84% Sandy tufts of hair beside the ears like baby feathers. 00:41:29.710 --> 00:41:31.060 align:middle line:90% His eyes were light brown. 00:41:31.060 --> 00:41:34.030 align:middle line:84% His nose was a straight, thick pull. 00:41:34.030 --> 00:41:37.130 align:middle line:84% I mustn't bore you fellas with my situation. 00:41:37.130 --> 00:41:40.180 align:middle line:84% He nodded at me as if we had a special understanding. 00:41:40.180 --> 00:41:43.780 align:middle line:84% We are enjoying ourselves, telling melancholy stories 00:41:43.780 --> 00:41:44.830 align:middle line:90% about love. 00:41:44.830 --> 00:41:46.840 align:middle line:84% He continued nodding for no reason. 00:41:46.840 --> 00:41:48.130 align:middle line:90% I nodded back. 00:41:48.130 --> 00:41:50.710 align:middle line:84% Kavanaugh said, talk about anything you like, Terry. 00:41:50.710 --> 00:41:52.780 align:middle line:84% You say the woman who phoned isn't your wife? 00:41:52.780 --> 00:41:54.310 align:middle line:90% He grinned. 00:41:54.310 --> 00:41:55.690 align:middle line:90% I'm a haunted house. 00:41:55.690 --> 00:41:57.550 align:middle line:90% For me, yesterday is today. 00:41:57.550 --> 00:41:59.890 align:middle line:84% The woman who phoned was my former wife. 00:41:59.890 --> 00:42:02.560 align:middle line:84% A strange expression, but what else can I call her? 00:42:02.560 --> 00:42:03.880 align:middle line:90% Ex-wife? 00:42:03.880 --> 00:42:05.740 align:middle line:90% Call her by her name, I said. 00:42:05.740 --> 00:42:07.150 align:middle line:90% Her name is Nikki. 00:42:07.150 --> 00:42:09.910 align:middle line:84% How long have you been divorced, asked Kavanaugh? 00:42:09.910 --> 00:42:12.760 align:middle line:84% Usually, one asks how long you've been married. 00:42:12.760 --> 00:42:15.490 align:middle line:84% Nikki and I have been divorced 10 years. 00:42:15.490 --> 00:42:17.860 align:middle line:84% Nikki, it's better, said Berliner 00:42:17.860 --> 00:42:19.150 align:middle line:90% if you say former wife. 00:42:19.150 --> 00:42:19.900 align:middle line:90% Nikki, Nikki. 00:42:19.900 --> 00:42:22.210 align:middle line:90% You sound like a ping pong game. 00:42:22.210 --> 00:42:22.750 align:middle line:90% All right. 00:42:22.750 --> 00:42:24.940 align:middle line:84% After 10 years of divorce, we're closer than 00:42:24.940 --> 00:42:26.050 align:middle line:90% during our marriage. 00:42:26.050 --> 00:42:29.260 align:middle line:84% If you don't remarry, this is natural. 00:42:29.260 --> 00:42:31.630 align:middle line:84% She phones me two or three times a week. 00:42:31.630 --> 00:42:33.400 align:middle line:84% Listen to how personal I'm becoming. 00:42:33.400 --> 00:42:35.920 align:middle line:84% Why is everything personal so funny? 00:42:35.920 --> 00:42:37.900 align:middle line:90% Who's laughing, said Berliner. 00:42:37.900 --> 00:42:39.280 align:middle line:90% Do you sleep together? 00:42:39.280 --> 00:42:42.340 align:middle line:84% To sleep with your former wife I think, I mean just to me, 00:42:42.340 --> 00:42:43.510 align:middle line:90% it is immoral. 00:42:43.510 --> 00:42:44.908 align:middle line:90% I couldn't do it. 00:42:44.908 --> 00:42:45.700 align:middle line:90% You couldn't do it? 00:42:45.700 --> 00:42:47.500 align:middle line:90% I said, who asked you to? 00:42:47.500 --> 00:42:48.250 align:middle line:90% He's right. 00:42:48.250 --> 00:42:49.420 align:middle line:90% I'm sorry, Terry. 00:42:49.420 --> 00:42:50.260 align:middle line:90% Go on. 00:42:50.260 --> 00:42:51.520 align:middle line:90% It doesn't happen often. 00:42:51.520 --> 00:42:52.960 align:middle line:90% Nikki has a boyfriend. 00:42:52.960 --> 00:42:55.600 align:middle line:84% His name is Harrison, but they don't live together. 00:42:55.600 --> 00:42:57.700 align:middle line:90% Nikki can't get along with kids. 00:42:57.700 --> 00:42:59.260 align:middle line:90% She doesn't like kids. 00:42:59.260 --> 00:43:02.470 align:middle line:84% More complicated, yet Harrison's daughter, 11 years old, 00:43:02.470 --> 00:43:04.450 align:middle line:90% is a very sad, fat girl. 00:43:04.450 --> 00:43:07.330 align:middle line:84% His boy, six years old, has learning problems. 00:43:07.330 --> 00:43:08.980 align:middle line:90% Harrison phones me too. 00:43:08.980 --> 00:43:11.530 align:middle line:84% I meet him now and then to talk about his kids. 00:43:11.530 --> 00:43:13.720 align:middle line:90% He wants to talk to you, I said? 00:43:13.720 --> 00:43:14.710 align:middle line:90% I'm a doctor. 00:43:14.710 --> 00:43:17.570 align:middle line:84% Even at parties people come up to me for an opinion. 00:43:17.570 --> 00:43:20.380 align:middle line:84% Terry, I shouldn't discuss professional matters 00:43:20.380 --> 00:43:22.960 align:middle line:84% in these circumstances, but my Asian aunt Sophie 00:43:22.960 --> 00:43:25.750 align:middle line:90% has a black wart on her buttock. 00:43:25.750 --> 00:43:27.620 align:middle line:90% She wants you to know. 00:43:27.620 --> 00:43:28.510 align:middle line:90% So what about Nikki? 00:43:28.510 --> 00:43:30.430 align:middle line:84% She was crying on the phone, Kramer said. 00:43:30.430 --> 00:43:31.540 align:middle line:90% She always does. 00:43:31.540 --> 00:43:33.850 align:middle line:84% Your Marilyn story reminded me of a fight 00:43:33.850 --> 00:43:36.760 align:middle line:84% we had when I was in medical school in Montreal. 00:43:36.760 --> 00:43:39.880 align:middle line:84% We lived in a two room flat above a grocery store. 00:43:39.880 --> 00:43:41.170 align:middle line:90% It was Saturday morning. 00:43:41.170 --> 00:43:43.210 align:middle line:84% I was studying at the kitchen table. 00:43:43.210 --> 00:43:44.500 align:middle line:90% Can I tell the story? 00:43:44.500 --> 00:43:47.890 align:middle line:84% Berliner said, only if it's miserable. 00:43:47.890 --> 00:43:50.590 align:middle line:84% Anyhow, a blizzard had been building for days. 00:43:50.590 --> 00:43:53.350 align:middle line:84% I watched it through the kitchen window as it attacked the city. 00:43:53.350 --> 00:43:54.610 align:middle line:90% The sky disappeared. 00:43:54.610 --> 00:43:55.840 align:middle line:90% The streets were dead. 00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:57.820 align:middle line:90% Nothing moved but wind and snow. 00:43:57.820 --> 00:44:00.850 align:middle line:84% In this deadly blizzard, Nikki decided to go out. 00:44:00.850 --> 00:44:03.400 align:middle line:84% She had been saving money for a particular pair of boots. 00:44:03.400 --> 00:44:04.780 align:middle line:90% Fine, soft leather. 00:44:04.780 --> 00:44:06.340 align:middle line:90% Tight, knee high. 00:44:06.340 --> 00:44:08.590 align:middle line:84% They had a red brown tone like dried blood 00:44:08.590 --> 00:44:12.730 align:middle line:84% but slightly glossy, totally impractical, too elegant. 00:44:12.730 --> 00:44:14.590 align:middle line:84% The wind would tear them off her legs. 00:44:14.590 --> 00:44:16.610 align:middle line:84% Nobody in our crowd owned such boots. 00:44:16.610 --> 00:44:19.750 align:middle line:84% Our friends in Montreal were like us, students, poor, always 00:44:19.750 --> 00:44:21.880 align:middle line:90% working, worried about money. 00:44:21.880 --> 00:44:24.010 align:middle line:84% Nikki had worked as a Secretary all that year, 00:44:24.010 --> 00:44:26.380 align:middle line:84% and she never bought presents for herself. 00:44:26.380 --> 00:44:28.780 align:middle line:84% The salary paid our rent and food. 00:44:28.780 --> 00:44:30.970 align:middle line:84% I had a tiny scholarship that covered books 00:44:30.970 --> 00:44:32.650 align:middle line:90% and incidental tuition fees. 00:44:32.650 --> 00:44:35.860 align:middle line:84% We were badly in debt, but she wanted those boots. 00:44:35.860 --> 00:44:37.720 align:middle line:84% I don't know how she saved a penny for them. 00:44:37.720 --> 00:44:39.970 align:middle line:84% I pleaded with her not to go out in the blizzard. 00:44:39.970 --> 00:44:43.330 align:middle line:84% Something in my voice maybe suggested more anxiety 00:44:43.330 --> 00:44:45.790 align:middle line:84% about the price of the boots than her safety. 00:44:45.790 --> 00:44:48.760 align:middle line:84% The more I pleaded, the more determined she became. 00:44:48.760 --> 00:44:50.710 align:middle line:84% Why didn't you go with her, I asked? 00:44:50.710 --> 00:44:53.500 align:middle line:84% I wanted to, but the idea of the boots, so trivial, 00:44:53.500 --> 00:44:58.210 align:middle line:84% such a luxury, and her wanting to go get them 00:44:58.210 --> 00:45:00.880 align:middle line:90% that morning made me furious. 00:45:00.880 --> 00:45:05.740 align:middle line:84% I could sympathize with her desire for beautiful boots. 00:45:05.740 --> 00:45:07.450 align:middle line:90% She deserved a reward. 00:45:07.450 --> 00:45:09.430 align:middle line:84% But why that minute did she have to get them? 00:45:09.430 --> 00:45:10.663 align:middle line:90% I was trying to study. 00:45:10.663 --> 00:45:12.580 align:middle line:84% My papers and books were on the kitchen table, 00:45:12.580 --> 00:45:14.590 align:middle line:84% also a box of slides and a microscope 00:45:14.590 --> 00:45:16.480 align:middle line:84% I carried home from the laboratory. 00:45:16.480 --> 00:45:18.460 align:middle line:84% Today, though I own a house with 10 rooms, 00:45:18.460 --> 00:45:20.950 align:middle line:84% I still use the kitchen table when I read medical journals 00:45:20.950 --> 00:45:22.390 align:middle line:90% or write an article. 00:45:22.390 --> 00:45:23.950 align:middle line:90% Anyhow, I was trying to study. 00:45:23.950 --> 00:45:24.850 align:middle line:90% I needed the time. 00:45:24.850 --> 00:45:26.680 align:middle line:84% It's difficult for me to memorize things, 00:45:26.680 --> 00:45:29.920 align:middle line:84% but I can do it if there's peace and quiet and no bad 00:45:29.920 --> 00:45:31.300 align:middle line:90% feelings in the air. 00:45:31.300 --> 00:45:33.850 align:middle line:84% You don't have to be a genius to be a doctor. 00:45:33.850 --> 00:45:35.480 align:middle line:90% But now I was furious. 00:45:35.480 --> 00:45:36.490 align:middle line:90% I yelled, go on. 00:45:36.490 --> 00:45:37.270 align:middle line:90% Do what you like. 00:45:37.270 --> 00:45:38.650 align:middle line:90% Buy the stupid boots. 00:45:38.650 --> 00:45:40.000 align:middle line:90% Just leave me alone. 00:45:40.000 --> 00:45:41.770 align:middle line:90% She slammed the door. 00:45:41.770 --> 00:45:44.110 align:middle line:84% For a while, I sat with my papers and books. 00:45:44.110 --> 00:45:46.000 align:middle line:84% Outside, the blizzard was hysterical. 00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:47.590 align:middle line:90% Inside, it was warm and quiet. 00:45:47.590 --> 00:45:50.530 align:middle line:84% I worried about her, but my fury canceled the worry. 00:45:50.530 --> 00:45:53.440 align:middle line:84% Soon, I began really to study to forget about Nikki. 00:45:53.440 --> 00:45:56.230 align:middle line:84% Maybe three hours passed, and suddenly she's home. 00:45:56.230 --> 00:45:58.600 align:middle line:90% Pale and burning and happy. 00:45:58.600 --> 00:45:59.590 align:middle line:90% I didn't say hello. 00:45:59.590 --> 00:46:00.820 align:middle line:90% My fury returned. 00:46:00.820 --> 00:46:02.950 align:middle line:84% She had a big shoe box under her arm. 00:46:02.950 --> 00:46:04.900 align:middle line:90% She had returned with her boots. 00:46:04.900 --> 00:46:07.360 align:middle line:84% While she put them on, I continued trying to study. 00:46:07.360 --> 00:46:09.730 align:middle line:84% I didn't watch her, but I could tell she needed help. 00:46:09.730 --> 00:46:11.110 align:middle line:90% The boots were tight. 00:46:11.110 --> 00:46:13.690 align:middle line:84% After a while, she managed to get them on by herself. 00:46:13.690 --> 00:46:15.700 align:middle line:84% Then she walked up to my table and stood there 00:46:15.700 --> 00:46:18.670 align:middle line:84% in blood colored legs waiting for me to notice. 00:46:18.670 --> 00:46:20.290 align:middle line:90% I could feel her excitement. 00:46:20.290 --> 00:46:21.730 align:middle line:90% She was trembling with pleasure. 00:46:21.730 --> 00:46:24.010 align:middle line:84% I knew what expression was in her face. 00:46:24.010 --> 00:46:26.440 align:middle line:84% Every muscle working not to smile. 00:46:26.440 --> 00:46:29.620 align:middle line:84% She waited for me to look up, collapse with approval, 00:46:29.620 --> 00:46:33.070 align:middle line:84% to admit she was magnificent in those boots. 00:46:33.070 --> 00:46:35.170 align:middle line:84% But the blizzard was in my heart. 00:46:35.170 --> 00:46:36.880 align:middle line:90% I refused to look. 00:46:36.880 --> 00:46:39.250 align:middle line:84% Suddenly, my papers, books, slides, 00:46:39.250 --> 00:46:40.990 align:middle line:84% microscope, everything on the table 00:46:40.990 --> 00:46:42.910 align:middle line:90% was all over the kitchen floor. 00:46:42.910 --> 00:46:43.960 align:middle line:90% Nikki is strong. 00:46:43.960 --> 00:46:45.790 align:middle line:90% She plays tennis like a man. 00:46:45.790 --> 00:46:46.630 align:middle line:90% I jumped up. 00:46:46.630 --> 00:46:49.430 align:middle line:84% I felt I had been killed, wiped out of the world. 00:46:49.430 --> 00:46:50.662 align:middle line:90% She still claims I hit her. 00:46:50.662 --> 00:46:51.370 align:middle line:90% I don't remember. 00:46:51.370 --> 00:46:54.370 align:middle line:84% I remember rushing out into the blizzard with no coat or hat. 00:46:54.370 --> 00:46:55.330 align:middle line:90% Why? 00:46:55.330 --> 00:46:56.200 align:middle line:90% To buy a gun. 00:46:56.200 --> 00:46:57.010 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:46:57.010 --> 00:47:00.190 align:middle line:84% I didn't really know what I wanted until I 00:47:00.190 --> 00:47:01.580 align:middle line:90% happened to pass a pawn shop. 00:47:01.580 --> 00:47:02.800 align:middle line:90% I saw guns in the window. 00:47:02.800 --> 00:47:04.780 align:middle line:84% I had a pocket watch that my father gave me 00:47:04.780 --> 00:47:06.970 align:middle line:84% when I left for medical school, a Waltham 00:47:06.970 --> 00:47:10.930 align:middle line:84% premiere worth about $200, gold case, Gothic numerals. 00:47:10.930 --> 00:47:12.040 align:middle line:90% A classic watch. 00:47:12.040 --> 00:47:13.870 align:middle line:90% Also a heavy gold chain. 00:47:13.870 --> 00:47:16.300 align:middle line:84% In exchange for that watch, I got a rifle. 00:47:16.300 --> 00:47:18.700 align:middle line:84% Then I asked the man for a bullet. 00:47:18.700 --> 00:47:20.590 align:middle line:84% I couldn't pay for it, but I told him 00:47:20.590 --> 00:47:21.700 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:47:21.700 --> 00:47:24.355 align:middle line:84% But I told him the deal was off unless he gave me a bullet. 00:47:24.355 --> 00:47:26.980 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:47:26.980 --> 00:47:28.900 align:middle line:90% He said, one bullet? 00:47:28.900 --> 00:47:29.860 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:47:29.860 --> 00:47:31.930 align:middle line:90% I screamed, give me a bullet! 00:47:31.930 --> 00:47:33.400 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:47:33.400 --> 00:47:34.780 align:middle line:90% He gave it to me. 00:47:34.780 --> 00:47:36.610 align:middle line:84% If I'd asked for a ton of bullets, 00:47:36.610 --> 00:47:38.240 align:middle line:90% he would have thought nothing. 00:47:38.240 --> 00:47:40.175 align:middle line:84% But ask for one bullet and there's trouble. 00:47:40.175 --> 00:47:41.948 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:47:41.948 --> 00:47:43.490 align:middle line:84% The police were waiting for you, said 00:47:43.490 --> 00:47:45.110 align:middle line:90% Berliner, when you got home. 00:47:45.110 --> 00:47:47.540 align:middle line:84% I noticed the police car in front of the house, 00:47:47.540 --> 00:47:49.670 align:middle line:84% it's light blinking through the storm. 00:47:49.670 --> 00:47:52.340 align:middle line:84% So I entered an alley behind the house and went up to the roof 00:47:52.340 --> 00:47:53.570 align:middle line:90% and loaded the rifle. 00:47:53.570 --> 00:47:56.990 align:middle line:84% I intended to go to the flat and blow my brains out 00:47:56.990 --> 00:47:58.370 align:middle line:90% in front of Nikki. 00:47:58.370 --> 00:48:00.330 align:middle line:84% I thought you were going to shoot her, I said. 00:48:00.330 --> 00:48:00.830 align:middle line:90% Her? 00:48:00.830 --> 00:48:01.670 align:middle line:90% I'd never shoot her. 00:48:01.670 --> 00:48:02.450 align:middle line:90% I'm her slave. 00:48:02.450 --> 00:48:05.030 align:middle line:84% I wanted to make a point about our relationship. 00:48:05.030 --> 00:48:07.850 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:48:07.850 --> 00:48:09.650 align:middle line:90% But the police were in the flat. 00:48:09.650 --> 00:48:13.310 align:middle line:84% I was on the roof with a loaded rifle, freezing in a storm. 00:48:13.310 --> 00:48:16.730 align:middle line:84% I aimed into the storm toward the medical school and fired. 00:48:16.730 --> 00:48:17.782 align:middle line:90% How could I shoot myself? 00:48:17.782 --> 00:48:20.240 align:middle line:84% I'd have been on that roof with a bullet in my head covered 00:48:20.240 --> 00:48:23.870 align:middle line:84% by snow and nobody would have found me until spring. 00:48:23.870 --> 00:48:26.900 align:middle line:84% What comes to mind when you commit suicide is amazing. 00:48:26.900 --> 00:48:28.100 align:middle line:90% Listen, I have a question. 00:48:28.100 --> 00:48:29.270 align:middle line:90% My story made me hungry. 00:48:29.270 --> 00:48:31.220 align:middle line:90% Is there anything to eat? 00:48:31.220 --> 00:48:33.920 align:middle line:84% Kramer rose from his pillow with a brooding face. 00:48:33.920 --> 00:48:36.150 align:middle line:90% Man, he said, Terry is hungry. 00:48:36.150 --> 00:48:38.270 align:middle line:84% I believe him because I too am hungry. 00:48:38.270 --> 00:48:40.670 align:middle line:84% I suppose all of us could use a little bite. 00:48:40.670 --> 00:48:43.910 align:middle line:84% Any other night I would suggest we send out for pizza or I 00:48:43.910 --> 00:48:46.580 align:middle line:84% myself would make us an omelet, but not tonight. 00:48:46.580 --> 00:48:47.840 align:middle line:90% You are lucky tonight. 00:48:47.840 --> 00:48:49.160 align:middle line:90% Very lucky. 00:48:49.160 --> 00:48:52.580 align:middle line:84% Tomorrow in this room, Nancy is having a meeting of her women's 00:48:52.580 --> 00:48:54.740 align:middle line:84% group, so the refrigerator happens 00:48:54.740 --> 00:48:57.470 align:middle line:90% to be packed with good things. 00:48:57.470 --> 00:48:58.700 align:middle line:90% Let me itemize. 00:48:58.700 --> 00:49:01.580 align:middle line:84% In the refrigerator there is three different kinds of salad. 00:49:01.580 --> 00:49:04.550 align:middle line:84% There is big plates of chicken, turkey and salmon. 00:49:04.550 --> 00:49:06.230 align:middle line:90% There is also a pecan pie. 00:49:06.230 --> 00:49:07.880 align:middle line:90% I love pecan pie. 00:49:07.880 --> 00:49:10.700 align:middle line:84% There are two pecan pies and there is two lemon pies. 00:49:10.700 --> 00:49:13.130 align:middle line:84% There is a chocolate cake which even as I speak of it 00:49:13.130 --> 00:49:14.480 align:middle line:90% sucks at me. 00:49:14.480 --> 00:49:16.310 align:middle line:84% I'm offering all this to you men. 00:49:16.310 --> 00:49:17.300 align:middle line:90% Wait Berliner. 00:49:17.300 --> 00:49:19.400 align:middle line:84% I have one more thing to say, Berliner. 00:49:19.400 --> 00:49:22.760 align:middle line:84% In the alcove behind the kitchen rests a case of Zinfandel. 00:49:22.760 --> 00:49:24.710 align:middle line:90% It is good, good California. 00:49:24.710 --> 00:49:27.290 align:middle line:90% Men, I offer you this Zinfandel. 00:49:27.290 --> 00:49:29.420 align:middle line:84% Berliner was already in the kitchen. 00:49:29.420 --> 00:49:31.700 align:middle line:84% The rest of us stayed to cheer Kramer. 00:49:31.700 --> 00:49:35.750 align:middle line:84% Even I cheered despite his tattooed arms which reminded me 00:49:35.750 --> 00:49:37.310 align:middle line:90% of snakes, I cheered. 00:49:37.310 --> 00:49:39.470 align:middle line:90% His magnanimity was unqualified. 00:49:39.470 --> 00:49:42.650 align:middle line:84% No smallest doubt of a reluctance troubled his voice. 00:49:42.650 --> 00:49:44.810 align:middle line:84% Every face in the room became like his, 00:49:44.810 --> 00:49:46.850 align:middle line:90% an animal touched by glee. 00:49:46.850 --> 00:49:48.890 align:middle line:90% We were lucky, said Kramer. 00:49:48.890 --> 00:49:50.930 align:middle line:90% Lucky maybe to be men. 00:49:50.930 --> 00:49:52.640 align:middle line:90% Life is unfair business. 00:49:52.640 --> 00:49:54.260 align:middle line:90% Whoever said otherwise. 00:49:54.260 --> 00:49:58.040 align:middle line:84% It is a billion bad shows, low blows and number one 00:49:58.040 --> 00:49:59.300 align:middle line:90% has more fun. 00:49:59.300 --> 00:50:01.880 align:middle line:84% Nancy's preparations for her women's group 00:50:01.880 --> 00:50:03.570 align:middle line:90% would feed our club. 00:50:03.570 --> 00:50:07.310 align:middle line:84% The idea of delicious food taken this way was thrilling. 00:50:07.310 --> 00:50:09.560 align:middle line:84% Had it been there for us, it would have been pleasant, 00:50:09.560 --> 00:50:10.550 align:middle line:90% but this was evil. 00:50:10.550 --> 00:50:11.960 align:middle line:90% Like eating the other woman. 00:50:11.960 --> 00:50:13.580 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:50:13.580 --> 00:50:16.760 align:middle line:84% We discovered Berliner on his knees before the refrigerator, 00:50:16.760 --> 00:50:19.250 align:middle line:90% door open, his head inside. 00:50:19.250 --> 00:50:21.470 align:middle line:84% We cheered again, crowding up behind him 00:50:21.470 --> 00:50:23.180 align:middle line:90% as he passed things out to us. 00:50:23.180 --> 00:50:24.800 align:middle line:90% First, the long plate of salmon. 00:50:24.800 --> 00:50:27.800 align:middle line:84% The whole pink fish intact/ then the chicken, 00:50:27.800 --> 00:50:30.950 align:middle line:84% then a salad bowl sealed with a plastic sheet through which we 00:50:30.950 --> 00:50:33.110 align:middle line:90% saw dazzling green life. 00:50:33.110 --> 00:50:35.870 align:middle line:84% It would be a major feast, a huge eating. 00:50:35.870 --> 00:50:38.630 align:middle line:84% To Kavanaugh standing beside me, I said, I 00:50:38.630 --> 00:50:40.010 align:middle line:90% thought you had to leave early. 00:50:40.010 --> 00:50:41.360 align:middle line:90% He didn't reply. 00:50:41.360 --> 00:50:44.810 align:middle line:84% He pulled his watch off, slipped it into his pocket and shouted, 00:50:44.810 --> 00:50:46.310 align:middle line:90% I see pate in there! 00:50:46.310 --> 00:50:47.720 align:middle line:90% I want that too. 00:50:47.720 --> 00:50:49.370 align:middle line:90% The cheers came again. 00:50:49.370 --> 00:50:51.170 align:middle line:84% Some of the men had already started 00:50:51.170 --> 00:50:54.440 align:middle line:84% on the salmon, snatching pieces of it with their fingers. 00:50:54.440 --> 00:50:56.300 align:middle line:84% Kramer, who had gone into the alcove, 00:50:56.300 --> 00:50:59.690 align:middle line:84% reappeared with black bottles of Zinfandel, two under his arms, 00:50:59.690 --> 00:51:00.920 align:middle line:90% two in his hands. 00:51:00.920 --> 00:51:03.680 align:middle line:84% He stopped, contemplated the scene in his kitchen, 00:51:03.680 --> 00:51:05.660 align:middle line:90% and his dark eyes glowed. 00:51:05.660 --> 00:51:07.880 align:middle line:90% His voice was all pleasure. 00:51:07.880 --> 00:51:10.100 align:middle line:90% This is a wonderful club. 00:51:10.100 --> 00:51:12.360 align:middle line:90% This is a wonderful club. 00:51:12.360 --> 00:51:12.860 align:middle line:90% That's it. 00:51:12.860 --> 00:51:14.720 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:51:14.720 --> 00:51:15.260 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:51:15.260 --> 00:51:17.110 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:51:17.110 --> 00:51:24.000 align:middle line:90%