This one is titled "The Diner".
"If I order a sandwich and get a plate of ham and eggs,
instead, has communication broken down?
[LAUGHTER]
'Is there a chef in the house?'
There is no chef.
I get only silence.
'Who brought me the ham and eggs?
I was where sitting at the counter when it arrived.
I don't remember anyone bringing it.
I'm leaving, right now, to find another place to eat in.
A bit more congenial than this silence.
With no one to witness that I ordered exactly what I say I
did.'
But now the door is closed and I can't leave.
'Will someone please open the door.
The one who gave me the ham and eggs instead of a sandwich.'
If I'm dissatisfied and want to leave, why must I stay?
Can a proprietor do as he pleases
with anyone on his property?
Am I his property too?
What do you know, I have to eat what's given to me
or go hungry.
I have to be nice about it too and say,
thank you, to the silence.
But I want to know why I can't have
what I want at such an innocent wish is between a sandwich
and a plate of ham and eggs
[LAUGHTER]
What have I said?
Or did I say what I thought I did?
Or am I in my own country where my own language is spoken?
[LAUGHTER]
Where am I?
Why can't I leave this diner?
[LAUGHS] This is not my country.
I don't belong here.
I never even got a passport to come.
I don't remember leaving.
I don't remember crossing the border.
And I'm the only guy here at the counter.
Something phoney is going on.
Somebody is trying to drive me nuts, or rob me, or kill me.
I want to go back where I came from.
I was on the road hungry, driving, it was dark,
and I hadn't eaten my dinner.
[LAUGHTER]
You know, it's quite possible I made these ham and eggs
myself instead of a sandwich.
[LAUGHTER]
It may be I'm beyond because no one else is here
and I have the key to open the door exactly like my car key.
I must have arranged it that way.
Now, when in hell did I buy this diner and who needs it?"
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
That's existentialism for you.
[LAUGHTER]
Actually, it is a result of having read Sartre's, Being
and Nothingness.
A very lengthy book about that thick.
So I was left only with my sense of humor finally.
[LAUGHTER]