I think the last one of these I'll read.
Let me find it.
It's a great work by the late Reverend Anton Tien, PhD, FRAS.
And I have taken it from the pacing page, the English page
of his masterpiece, published misleadingly
under the title Egyptian, Syrian, and North African
Handbook, A Simple Phrase Book in English and Arabic
for the Use of the Armed Forces and Civilians.
Actually, I think the Reverend Anton Tien used this cover
to smuggle in his contribution to poetry, in which, I think
many of you will see ranks with Robert Browning
and probably foreshadows a good deal of the dramatic monologues
of T.S. Eliot, even a little Beckett, I find it in places.
It's in 12 parts.
It's simply taken from the phrases
and is entitled "What to Say to the Pasha."
[LAUGHTER]
One, shall I assist you to alight?
Procure for me a little milk and honey.
Pitch my tent and spread out my carpet.
The wind is keen today.
We may have a storm tonight.
It lightens.
It thunders.
The air is very temperate.
The trees are beginning to be covered with leaves.
Autumn is the season for fruit.
The sky begins to get cloudy.
The nights are shorter.
The days are long.
The snow is fast melting from the ground.
The enemy has advanced as far as Kafr-dawar.
Of what advantage will this be to me?
[LAUGHTER]
Two, and here, I call your attention
to the foreshadowing notes of Beckett in "Molloy," of his
"Molloy."
It starts to appear as soon as we [? throw up. ?] Two, Whose?
Not yet.
We want.
I will give you.
Wait patiently.
Leave it alone.
Go away.
Why are you here?
Three, in which direction is the wind?
It is an easterly wind.
It is a westerly wind.
It is a northerly wind.
It is the southerly winds.
I have been very much occupied.
[LAUGHTER]
Four, how many men has the Pasha?
Five--
[LAUGHTER]
Is the proof of this news strong?
They are hidden behind the mound.
They are advancing from the rear.
Be quiet, don't make a noise.
It seems the enemy is restless.
Six, do not the mosquitoes trouble you?
[LAUGHTER]
Seven, Undo it.
Tie it up.
Turn it over.
I hope you are better.
Is it not so?
Eight, what is your name?
Who are you?
I am a Bedouin.
We are Bedouins.
What are you doing here?
We have come to fight and to loot.
I am anxious to return to camp.
[LAUGHTER]
Nine, it is enough?
How far is it from this place?
Do me the favor, do not forget.
How do you do?
Mind your business.
It is painful.
This is painful.
[LAUGHTER]
Ten, bring in the rebels.
Tie their hands and feet.
You have done it well.
Joseph, bring in the dinner.
Will you please to sit next to the lady?
Eleven, I am wounded.
I am shot.
Shot in my arm.
Shot in my leg.
Shot in my foot.
[LAUGHTER]
Shot in my chest.
Shot in my head.
[LAUGHTER]
Bind up my wound.
Give me something to drink, for I am thirsty.
[LAUGHTER]
Twelve, have pity on me.
Spare my life.
I surrender myself.
"What to Say to the Pasha" by the Reverend Anton Tien.
[APPLAUSE]