WEBVTT

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Kenny, do you want to come?

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Oh, that's it.

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It's a friend of mine.

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Do you want to read this?

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What I read in the last reading
followed one poem to another

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in the development and
illustrating the development

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of a peculiar, personal kind
of awareness or consciousness

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that was growing
on me but I think

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is more or less common to all.

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At one poem in 1956, I did
some scribbling writing

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and read a poem in
San Francisco, which

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after I had given
a reading there,

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Robert Duncan had a
sign to me, that he

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thought it was the right way.

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So now, I would read that.

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"30 Days Illumination."

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Why do I deny my my to another?

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Because I deny it to myself.

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Why have I denied myself
what other has rejected me?

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Now I believe you are lovely,
my soul, soul of Alan.

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Alan, and you, so
beloved, so sweet,

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so recoiled to your true
loveliness, your original,

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nude, breathing Alan.

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Would you ever
deny another again?

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Dear Walter, Thanks
for the message.

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I forbid you not to touch me
man to man, true American.

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The bombers jumped through
the sky in unison of 12.

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The pilots are
sweating and nervous

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at the controls
in the hot cabin.

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Over what souls will they
lose their loveless bombs?

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The campanile pokes its
white granite, innocent head

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into the clouds
for me to look at.

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A crippled lady
explains French grammar

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with a loud sweet voice.

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Regarder is to look.

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The whole French language looks
on the trees on the campus.

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The girl's haunted voices make
quiet dates for 2 o'clock.

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Yet one of them waves
farewell and smiles

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at last, her red skirt swinging
shows how she loves herself.

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Another encased in flashy scotch
clothes clumps of the concrete

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in a hurry into the door.

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Poor dear, who will receive
you in love's opposite?

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How many beautiful boys
have I seen on this spot?

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The trees seem on
the verge of moving.

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Ah, they do move in the breeze.

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Roar again of airplanes in
the sky, everyone looked up.

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And do you know that
all these rubbings

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of the eyes and painful gestures
to the brow of suited scholars

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entering Dwinelle Hall are
holy signs, anxiety, and fear.

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How many years
have I got to float

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on this sweetened scene of
trees and humans clumping

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above ground.

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Oh, I must be mad to sit here
lonely in the void and glee

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and build up thoughts of love.

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But what do I have to doubt
but my own shiny eyes?

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What to lose but life which is
a vision today this afternoon?

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My stomach is light.

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I relax.

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New sentences bring
forth out of the scene

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to describe spontaneous
forms of time,

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trees, sleeping dogs, airplanes
wandering through the air,

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Negroes with their lunch
books of anxiety, apples

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and sandwiches, lunchtime,
ice cream, timeless.

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And even the ugliest
will seek beauty.

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What are you doing Friday night?

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Ask the sailor in white
school training cap and guild

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buttons and blue coat.

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And a little ape in a green
jacket and baggy pants

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and overloaded schoolbooks
satchel says, quartet.

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Every Friday night,
beautiful quartets

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to celebrate and please my
soul with all its hair, music,

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and then strides
off snapping pieces

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chocolate off a bar
wrapped in Hershey

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brown paper in tin foil
eating chocolate rose.

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And how can these other
boys be then happy cells

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in their brown army
study uniforms?

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Now cripple girls
wings down the walk

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with loping fuck gestures
of her hips askew.

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Let her roll her
eyes and abandon

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and camp angelic
through the campus,

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bouncing her body about in joy.

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Someone will dig that
pelvic energy, for sure.

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These white stripes down
your chocolate cupcake, lady,

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held in front of your nose,
finishing sentence preparatory

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to chomp.

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They were painted
there to delight you

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by some Spanish industrial
artistic hand and bakery

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factory far away.

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Expert hand in simple minded
messages of white stripes

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on millions of message cupcakes.

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I have a message for you all.

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I will denote one
particularity of each.

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And there goes
professor Doughertys,

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striding enlightened by the
years through the doorway

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and arcade he built
in his mind and nose.

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He, too, saw the
ruins of Yucatan once.

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Followed by a lonely janitor
in a dove gray Italian fruit

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peddler Chico Marx hat
pushing his rolypoly belly

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through the tree.

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Neil sees all girls as
visions of their inner cunts.

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Yes, it's true.

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And all men walking along,
thinking of their spirit cock.

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So look at that poor dread
boy with two-day black hair

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all over his dirty face.

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How he must hate his cock.

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Chinaman, stop shuddering.

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And now, to bring this to an
end with a rise and an ellipse.

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The boys are now all
talking to the girls.

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If I was a girl, I'd
love a little boy.

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And girls giggling the opposite,
all pretty, every which way.

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And even I have my
secret bed and lover

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under another
moonlight being sure.

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In any minute, I
expect to see a baby

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carriage pushed onto the scene.

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And everyone turn
in attention like

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to the airplanes and
laughter like a Greek campus.

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And the big brown, shaggy
silent dog raising,

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open eyed in the
shade, lit up his head

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and sniff and lower his
head on his golden paws

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and let his belly
rumble away unconcerned.

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The lion's ruddy eyes shall
flow with tears of gold.

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Now the silence is broken.

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Students pour onto the square.

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The doors are crowded.

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The dog gets up and walks away.

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The cripple swings
out of Dwinelle.

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A nanny, even, I
wonder about her.

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An old lady
distinguished by a cane.

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We all look up, silence moves,
huge changes on the ground.

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And in the air, flips, fly
all over, filling space.

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My grief at Peter
is not loving me

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was grief at not loving myself.

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Huge karmas of broken
minds in beautiful bodies,

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unable to receive love because
not knowing the self as lovely.

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Fathers and teacher,
seeing in people

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the visible evidence
of inner self

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thought by their
treatment of me.

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Who loves himself, loves
me, who love myself.

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[APPLAUSE]

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