WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.600 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.600 --> 00:00:05.400 align:middle line:84% "As the story goes, when Len was 15, he was into Black Sabbath. 00:00:05.400 --> 00:00:07.710 align:middle line:84% He painted his bedroom walls black 00:00:07.710 --> 00:00:09.960 align:middle line:90% and put up Sabbath posters. 00:00:09.960 --> 00:00:12.930 align:middle line:90% His mom saw it and went berserk. 00:00:12.930 --> 00:00:16.770 align:middle line:84% I guess he painted over wallpaper she put up herself. 00:00:16.770 --> 00:00:20.040 align:middle line:84% So she and Kah decided to surprise him. 00:00:20.040 --> 00:00:23.250 align:middle line:84% While he was at school, they repainted and decorated 00:00:23.250 --> 00:00:25.860 align:middle line:90% along the cowboy theme. 00:00:25.860 --> 00:00:28.200 align:middle line:84% Len took one look, turned around, 00:00:28.200 --> 00:00:31.800 align:middle line:84% walked out and didn't come back that winter. 00:00:31.800 --> 00:00:34.890 align:middle line:84% He spent the entire winter hiking the San Juans, 00:00:34.890 --> 00:00:37.860 align:middle line:84% went for three months without speaking to anybody, 00:00:37.860 --> 00:00:40.020 align:middle line:90% which knocks me out. 00:00:40.020 --> 00:00:41.070 align:middle line:90% "Weren't you lonely?" 00:00:41.070 --> 00:00:42.060 align:middle line:90% I asked him. 00:00:42.060 --> 00:00:45.750 align:middle line:84% And he said, "Sarah, I've never in my life been lonely 00:00:45.750 --> 00:00:47.160 align:middle line:90% 'til I met you. 00:00:47.160 --> 00:00:50.370 align:middle line:84% Now, every time you leave, I get lonely." 00:00:50.370 --> 00:00:53.970 align:middle line:90% He is such a con. 00:00:53.970 --> 00:00:59.130 align:middle line:84% But Len did laugh, unpacked and moved in, gave up his apartment 00:00:59.130 --> 00:01:01.110 align:middle line:84% and signed a contract that essentially 00:01:01.110 --> 00:01:03.240 align:middle line:90% makes him Kah's slave. 00:01:03.240 --> 00:01:06.120 align:middle line:84% Since he rolled his jeep, it's like Len's brains 00:01:06.120 --> 00:01:07.590 align:middle line:90% are scrambled. 00:01:07.590 --> 00:01:10.860 align:middle line:84% He plans to live here rent-free and donate his labor 00:01:10.860 --> 00:01:12.870 align:middle line:90% to the construction business. 00:01:12.870 --> 00:01:17.040 align:middle line:84% Kah will feed him, give him pocket money, and in one year, 00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:19.050 align:middle line:90% Kah will make him partner. 00:01:19.050 --> 00:01:21.540 align:middle line:84% They wanted me to witness the contract. 00:01:21.540 --> 00:01:22.995 align:middle line:90% I wrote, "You're nuts." 00:01:22.995 --> 00:01:27.220 align:middle line:90% 00:01:27.220 --> 00:01:29.110 align:middle line:84% I awake to something warm and wet 00:01:29.110 --> 00:01:34.570 align:middle line:84% on my feet, black nose and roomy eyes peeking over the bed-- 00:01:34.570 --> 00:01:36.130 align:middle line:90% Dottie. 00:01:36.130 --> 00:01:41.770 align:middle line:84% I rub dog saliva onto the cowboy quilt. The room has darkened. 00:01:41.770 --> 00:01:42.850 align:middle line:90% Thunder rumbles. 00:01:42.850 --> 00:01:46.150 align:middle line:84% And I see the mountain has finally released the clouds. 00:01:46.150 --> 00:01:48.580 align:middle line:90% Maybe it will rain. 00:01:48.580 --> 00:01:52.060 align:middle line:84% In the living room, Dottie settles back on her rug. 00:01:52.060 --> 00:01:56.680 align:middle line:84% A DVD icon floats around the TV's blue background. 00:01:56.680 --> 00:02:01.150 align:middle line:84% I pick up the remote and find Miss Boop still in the player. 00:02:01.150 --> 00:02:03.760 align:middle line:84% I start to watch one of the older cartoons 00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:07.120 align:middle line:84% when Betty still had puppy dog tail and ears. 00:02:07.120 --> 00:02:08.560 align:middle line:90% But I'm hungry. 00:02:08.560 --> 00:02:11.620 align:middle line:84% I shouldn't think about roasted corn and fry bread 00:02:11.620 --> 00:02:13.060 align:middle line:90% but it's too late. 00:02:13.060 --> 00:02:15.520 align:middle line:90% I'm starving. 00:02:15.520 --> 00:02:18.220 align:middle line:84% The kitchen's just a nook separated from the living 00:02:18.220 --> 00:02:19.900 align:middle line:90% room by an island. 00:02:19.900 --> 00:02:23.080 align:middle line:84% In the fridge, I find a Styrofoam container 00:02:23.080 --> 00:02:25.540 align:middle line:90% of something chickeny and rank. 00:02:25.540 --> 00:02:28.570 align:middle line:84% There's also a 12-pack of Coke and a couple cans 00:02:28.570 --> 00:02:31.750 align:middle line:90% of Coors, Pace salsa. 00:02:31.750 --> 00:02:34.330 align:middle line:84% The cupboard is filled with Top Ramen. 00:02:34.330 --> 00:02:37.210 align:middle line:90% Top Ramen makes my teeth ache. 00:02:37.210 --> 00:02:39.910 align:middle line:84% I smell creosote, see a flash, then 00:02:39.910 --> 00:02:43.780 align:middle line:84% Dottie's on her feet barking and backing into her corner. 00:02:43.780 --> 00:02:46.300 align:middle line:84% Through the window, I see lightning-- not 00:02:46.300 --> 00:02:48.010 align:middle line:84% heat lightning but the real deal, 00:02:48.010 --> 00:02:49.690 align:middle line:90% jittering around the mountain. 00:02:49.690 --> 00:02:53.680 align:middle line:84% And I wonder if I left the Honda's window down. 00:02:53.680 --> 00:02:56.470 align:middle line:84% I'm out the front door halfway down the steps 00:02:56.470 --> 00:02:59.650 align:middle line:84% when Roscoe comes scooting from under the trailer. 00:02:59.650 --> 00:03:02.620 align:middle line:90% He races up, his teeth bared. 00:03:02.620 --> 00:03:06.640 align:middle line:84% I lurch back, slam the door, slip on the linoleum. 00:03:06.640 --> 00:03:08.950 align:middle line:90% And I land hard on my rump. 00:03:08.950 --> 00:03:10.930 align:middle line:90% The dog snarls. 00:03:10.930 --> 00:03:14.380 align:middle line:84% I hear him run down the steps then back up. 00:03:14.380 --> 00:03:17.200 align:middle line:84% I get up and look through the window slats. 00:03:17.200 --> 00:03:19.690 align:middle line:84% He's right there, looking up at me. 00:03:19.690 --> 00:03:21.850 align:middle line:90% My arms suddenly itches. 00:03:21.850 --> 00:03:23.800 align:middle line:90% I got bit by a dog once. 00:03:23.800 --> 00:03:25.970 align:middle line:84% It didn't bark, came out of nowhere. 00:03:25.970 --> 00:03:26.740 align:middle line:90% I was jogging. 00:03:26.740 --> 00:03:29.680 align:middle line:84% And there it was, teeth clamped on my arm. 00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:32.290 align:middle line:90% I try to fill my lungs with air. 00:03:32.290 --> 00:03:36.010 align:middle line:84% Roscoe runs down the steps and the pack rallies, 00:03:36.010 --> 00:03:39.310 align:middle line:84% low gurgling growls, lips curled, 00:03:39.310 --> 00:03:41.870 align:middle line:90% eyes fixed on the window. 00:03:41.870 --> 00:03:43.510 align:middle line:84% There are more under the trailer. 00:03:43.510 --> 00:03:45.670 align:middle line:90% I can hear them whining now. 00:03:45.670 --> 00:03:47.350 align:middle line:90% "Roscoe," I say. 00:03:47.350 --> 00:03:49.150 align:middle line:90% His eyes yellow-rimmed. 00:03:49.150 --> 00:03:51.340 align:middle line:84% It's like he's never seen me before. 00:03:51.340 --> 00:03:52.780 align:middle line:90% "Hey, Roscoe." 00:03:52.780 --> 00:03:56.350 align:middle line:84% Teeth wet, gel slick, and throbbing, 00:03:56.350 --> 00:04:00.180 align:middle line:84% punctuating growls with sharp barks. 00:04:00.180 --> 00:04:03.000 align:middle line:84% Just one degree from wild Kah's dogs. 00:04:03.000 --> 00:04:05.430 align:middle line:84% "They'll kick your ass," he says. 00:04:05.430 --> 00:04:09.300 align:middle line:84% He wants them mean because the area's gotten dangerous. 00:04:09.300 --> 00:04:11.940 align:middle line:84% Nights, you can see bonfires in the desert 00:04:11.940 --> 00:04:14.670 align:middle line:84% south of here, the tweakers and the skechers 00:04:14.670 --> 00:04:18.420 align:middle line:84% having their ceremonial cookouts. 00:04:18.420 --> 00:04:19.589 align:middle line:90% Lightning flashes. 00:04:19.589 --> 00:04:20.519 align:middle line:90% Thunder follows. 00:04:20.519 --> 00:04:23.490 align:middle line:84% And the rain comes fast on a slant. 00:04:23.490 --> 00:04:26.520 align:middle line:84% Most of the dogs dash under the trailer. 00:04:26.520 --> 00:04:28.620 align:middle line:90% Roscoe stands his ground. 00:04:28.620 --> 00:04:30.180 align:middle line:90% The yard's gone blurry. 00:04:30.180 --> 00:04:31.620 align:middle line:90% And where are they? 00:04:31.620 --> 00:04:33.300 align:middle line:90% It's 6:30. 00:04:33.300 --> 00:04:35.400 align:middle line:84% I open the door a crack and the dog 00:04:35.400 --> 00:04:37.920 align:middle line:84% flies, throwing himself against the door which 00:04:37.920 --> 00:04:41.700 align:middle line:84% I managed to slam then lock, cracking my fingernails. 00:04:41.700 --> 00:04:44.640 align:middle line:90% I'm laughing a pain in my side. 00:04:44.640 --> 00:04:47.880 align:middle line:90% What's that luck going to do? 00:04:47.880 --> 00:04:50.940 align:middle line:84% On the sofa, I hear only the rain. 00:04:50.940 --> 00:04:54.150 align:middle line:84% Rain like this, how it's coming down? 00:04:54.150 --> 00:04:55.860 align:middle line:90% The ravine could flood. 00:04:55.860 --> 00:04:59.220 align:middle line:84% And if it does, Lynn will have to take the long way 00:04:59.220 --> 00:05:00.810 align:middle line:90% around which could be hours. 00:05:00.810 --> 00:05:03.330 align:middle line:90% Where the fuck are they? 00:05:03.330 --> 00:05:05.350 align:middle line:84% The phone's on the kitchen counter. 00:05:05.350 --> 00:05:08.070 align:middle line:84% But the receiver isn't in its cradle. 00:05:08.070 --> 00:05:11.160 align:middle line:84% I start tossing newspapers off the table. 00:05:11.160 --> 00:05:12.570 align:middle line:90% No receiver. 00:05:12.570 --> 00:05:16.860 align:middle line:90% My cells in my pack in the car. 00:05:16.860 --> 00:05:21.210 align:middle line:84% Back at the door, I see crazy Roscoe soaking wet, standing 00:05:21.210 --> 00:05:23.310 align:middle line:90% at the bottom of the steps. 00:05:23.310 --> 00:05:25.620 align:middle line:90% It's dark, almost like night. 00:05:25.620 --> 00:05:29.100 align:middle line:84% The dirt yard already a mud lake. 00:05:29.100 --> 00:05:32.370 align:middle line:84% Pretty soon, the Honda won't be going anywhere. 00:05:32.370 --> 00:05:35.130 align:middle line:84% I go around, turning lights on, throw some clothes 00:05:35.130 --> 00:05:37.410 align:middle line:84% off the couch-- no phone, then start 00:05:37.410 --> 00:05:41.640 align:middle line:84% pawing through stuff on Kah's chair-- his creepy chair. 00:05:41.640 --> 00:05:44.610 align:middle line:84% He was just talking on the phone to the job people. 00:05:44.610 --> 00:05:46.050 align:middle line:90% Where is it? 00:05:46.050 --> 00:05:49.860 align:middle line:84% I stand up straight and take a deep breath. 00:05:49.860 --> 00:05:55.500 align:middle line:84% On TV, Cab singing, (SINGING) The old man of the mountain. 00:05:55.500 --> 00:05:57.870 align:middle line:84% Betty dances her way up a mountain. 00:05:57.870 --> 00:06:00.480 align:middle line:84% Then the old man comes out and does a shuffle 00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:03.780 align:middle line:90% with his long beard. 00:06:03.780 --> 00:06:05.760 align:middle line:90% Kah lives in the recliner. 00:06:05.760 --> 00:06:08.760 align:middle line:84% We'll sit for hours and watch cartoons. 00:06:08.760 --> 00:06:11.730 align:middle line:84% Couple of times I've stayed here, I go to bed at night, 00:06:11.730 --> 00:06:12.870 align:middle line:90% there he is. 00:06:12.870 --> 00:06:15.120 align:middle line:84% Get up in the morning, there he is. 00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:17.100 align:middle line:90% And I can't look him in the eye. 00:06:17.100 --> 00:06:21.060 align:middle line:84% There's just one flimsy bit of wall separating him from us. 00:06:21.060 --> 00:06:24.990 align:middle line:84% And Len he's noisy when he gets going. 00:06:24.990 --> 00:06:27.630 align:middle line:84% The old man starts chasing Betty down the mountain, 00:06:27.630 --> 00:06:30.570 align:middle line:84% picking her clothes off bit by bit. 00:06:30.570 --> 00:06:32.910 align:middle line:90% I turn the TV off. 00:06:32.910 --> 00:06:34.680 align:middle line:84% I should have thought about the dogs. 00:06:34.680 --> 00:06:38.010 align:middle line:84% How could I let those dogs get between me and the car? 00:06:38.010 --> 00:06:40.710 align:middle line:84% It's funny Len didn't think about them. 00:06:40.710 --> 00:06:42.420 align:middle line:90% My arm itches. 00:06:42.420 --> 00:06:45.690 align:middle line:90% I wonder suddenly if Kah did. 00:06:45.690 --> 00:06:49.830 align:middle line:84% I head down the hall to Kah's room where I have never been. 00:06:49.830 --> 00:06:53.790 align:middle line:84% It's very neat, no sheets or blankets on his bed-- 00:06:53.790 --> 00:06:56.070 align:middle line:90% a sleeping bag, that's all. 00:06:56.070 --> 00:06:59.850 align:middle line:84% The room's twice the size of Len's There's a dresser-- 00:06:59.850 --> 00:07:03.780 align:middle line:84% antique with family pictures on top, one of Len and Kah 00:07:03.780 --> 00:07:06.090 align:middle line:84% when they were boys and look like twins. 00:07:06.090 --> 00:07:10.620 align:middle line:84% Both thin-lipped, square-jawed, knotty ash blond hair. 00:07:10.620 --> 00:07:15.390 align:middle line:84% Now, Len's got 3 inches on Kah Kah 50 pounds on Lynn. 00:07:15.390 --> 00:07:18.420 align:middle line:84% We don't think he's ever had a girlfriend. 00:07:18.420 --> 00:07:20.190 align:middle line:90% How neat the room is-- 00:07:20.190 --> 00:07:23.460 align:middle line:84% no clothes out, no bottles, no water rings, 00:07:23.460 --> 00:07:24.960 align:middle line:90% no pictures on the walls. 00:07:24.960 --> 00:07:28.290 align:middle line:84% And I think of those crazy, obsessive, psycho neatniks. 00:07:28.290 --> 00:07:31.260 align:middle line:84% And I feel a little like throwing up. 00:07:31.260 --> 00:07:34.530 align:middle line:84% There is a cartoon taped to the closet door. 00:07:34.530 --> 00:07:36.360 align:middle line:90% I move closer to see. 00:07:36.360 --> 00:07:41.010 align:middle line:84% It's Bluto, Popeye's Bluto, with the caption, "I'm so mean. 00:07:41.010 --> 00:07:43.810 align:middle line:90% I beat myself up." 00:07:43.810 --> 00:07:46.830 align:middle line:84% I laugh, snot shooting out my nose. 00:07:46.830 --> 00:07:48.510 align:middle line:84% And I sit on the side of the bed, 00:07:48.510 --> 00:07:51.600 align:middle line:84% touching my thumbs to my feet to each finger, 00:07:51.600 --> 00:07:57.660 align:middle line:84% like I did when I was a little girl counting 1, 2 3, 4, 1, 2, 00:07:57.660 --> 00:07:58.650 align:middle line:90% 3, 4. 00:07:58.650 --> 00:08:00.630 align:middle line:84% It has been years since I had a panic 00:08:00.630 --> 00:08:02.340 align:middle line:90% attack, a full-fledged one. 00:08:02.340 --> 00:08:05.580 align:middle line:84% And I think he could not have planned this, trapping me. 00:08:05.580 --> 00:08:09.060 align:middle line:84% Sorry, Kah How the fuck sorry are you? 00:08:09.060 --> 00:08:11.500 align:middle line:84% For heaven's sake, he didn't plan the rain. 00:08:11.500 --> 00:08:14.190 align:middle line:90% 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3. 00:08:14.190 --> 00:08:16.290 align:middle line:90% And then I hear a ringing-- 00:08:16.290 --> 00:08:19.380 align:middle line:84% the phone, sounding very far away. 00:08:19.380 --> 00:08:21.330 align:middle line:84% I run to the living room, feeling 00:08:21.330 --> 00:08:23.790 align:middle line:90% so relieved and so angry. 00:08:23.790 --> 00:08:25.410 align:middle line:84% But I can't tell where it's coming 00:08:25.410 --> 00:08:29.670 align:middle line:84% from-- sound's muted somewhere near the couch, sound's 00:08:29.670 --> 00:08:31.260 align:middle line:90% muffled. 00:08:31.260 --> 00:08:33.480 align:middle line:90% The answering machine comes on. 00:08:33.480 --> 00:08:36.450 align:middle line:84% Len says he left a message on my cell. 00:08:36.450 --> 00:08:38.280 align:middle line:90% I walked to the couch. 00:08:38.280 --> 00:08:41.620 align:middle line:84% I flip a cushion unburying the receiver 00:08:41.620 --> 00:08:43.500 align:middle line:90% that was hidden there." 00:08:43.500 --> 00:08:44.000 align:middle line:90%