WEBVTT

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Well, here's the name of God
anyway in answer to that.

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I've written a play of which
this is the opening speech.

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At the modernization
of the medieval

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morality play every man
as a full length comedy.

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And the opening scene is
the wreckage of heaven,

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and God stands among his
angels who circle around him.

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I can't, although I'm no
producer or director, I can't

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these angels as being
rather baggy and forlorn,

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[INAUDIBLE] each with a musical
instrument, with whatever

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the androgynous type
they can find, he or she.

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Each with a musical instrument
that he is unable to play.

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Well, don't play.

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God has a large loaf
of sliced white bread

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under each arm which he
dispenses periodically.

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When he sleeps they stand still,
when they recite the chorus

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they move around him.

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Those of you who know the
original everyman will

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see some of the parallels that
I have used I guess and, let's

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see.

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I won't prolong the
chorus as I'll just

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indicate than that one
line, I won't repeat them.

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Speech from a comedy.

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Scene: the wreckage of heaven.

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This is another voice
that I'm not up to using,

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the part I'm not capable of
fulfilling but I'll do my best.

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I am God, and all my
creatures are unkind to me

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They think of themselves.

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Why don't they think of me?

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I'm holier than they.

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Chorus, God is lovely.

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If I descended and rode
through the streets

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would they take off their hats?

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No, they'd keep their hands
in each other's pockets.

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Chorus, God is out of sorts.

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Or if I showed up to give
a formal address including

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an enormous amount of
sound godly advice,

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they'd turn and wriggle
away like a school of fish.

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Chorus, God is endless.

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I burned myself in
a bush once, day

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and night I burned like a
pillar of virtue in the desert.

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I even let them watch
me ride in my chariot.

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Chorus, God is great.

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I gave them Aaron's rod
when they were on the rocks.

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I played their enemies
with 1,000 dirty tricks.

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I let them burn rams
in thickets instead

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of their precious Isaacs.

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Chorus, God is on their backs.

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When things look so black they
couldn't tell his from hers

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I parted the water,
saving a few,

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but drowning a lot of others.

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Chorus, God is feeling worse.

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Didn't I die for
them, hang myself,

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and shed the blood of the lamb?

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What more could I do?

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Try it to yourself sometime.

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Chorus, God is sublime.

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Now they forsake me,
leave me up in the air.

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Sinning, thinking of
pleasure, the more

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I leave them alone
the worse they are.

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Chorus, God is pure.

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They lie all night in
their houses stacked

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in rows, their knees
pulled up, their heads

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stuffed into pillows imagining
new ways to break my laws.

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Chorus, God is jealous.

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When I show them a bad example
plastered and confused,

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chances are he'll be
headlined and idolized.

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The only law of mine they
like is getting circumcised.

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Chorus, God is not amused.

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I didn't ask for
anything impossible.

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I said love me and not
just once in a while,

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but all men were created fickle.

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Chorus, God is immortal.

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I'll settle with everyman.

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I had his dinner all
laid out in my mansion,

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but he had to try
cooking his own.

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Chorus, God is burning.

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Just because angels
are blasé and neutered,

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did he think I'd be contented
forever and ever playing with

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Ezekiel's wheel or climbing
up and down Jacob's ladder?

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Chorus, God is boiling over.

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I made him in my
image, didn't I?

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I gave him my tooth for a
tooth, my eye for an eye.

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How could I turn out such
an unreasonable facsimile?

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Chorus, God is mighty sorry.

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You'll be made to see the
way things really are.

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If he's so fond of
slaughter, I can get it

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for him wholesale just
by losing my temper.

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Chorus, God's a man of war.

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I might have shown him
mercy, but nobody asked me.

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The best things in
heaven are costly.

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Chorus, God is free.

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All right he's dug
his bed, now let

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him lie in it 1,000 years at
a stretch on a strict diet

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while worms with their noses
on fire pay an endless visit.

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Chorus, God is like that.

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I watched over him like
a shepherd over a sheep

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while he went
bleating, and gambling,

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and flocking around,
and getting fleeced,

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forgetting whom to worship.

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Well, every shepherd knows
his way to the butcher shop.

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Chorus, God is in bad shape.

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Come death, he has made me mad.

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I summon death, for his
ingratitude everyman

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must choke on his daily bread.

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Chorus, God is sick and tired.

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Thank you.

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[APPLAUSE]

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