WEBVTT

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I want to read from the book
and then what I like to do

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is open it up.

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I love reading, but I
think that the discussion

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is more important.

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I want to read one of the
last passages in the book.

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For many of you who
don't know, but some

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who do know who
have read the book,

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I grew up in a neighborhood
called Las Lomas just

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outside of LA, East of LA.

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We had enemies called
Sangra, which was

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around the San Gabriel Mission.

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And there was a war
that had been fought

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by fathers and grandfathers.

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And I don't even
know what started it.

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They have different stories.

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But I never really knew.

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And basically, what it was
is-- you got into the barrio.

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Somebody gave you guns and
said, here's your enemies.

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They killed us and
we killed them.

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When I wrote the book,
part of it was a healing.

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To heal part of that struggle.

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And I dedicated the book,
as you know, the 25--

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it was mentioned--
are my friends.

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But some of them were
my so-called "enemies,"

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because they're not my enemies.

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And I never knew how Sangra
people would take it.

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I went back to my
old neighborhood.

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I had some of my homeboys
from that time meet with me.

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They embraced me.

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They invited me to come
speak to the schools

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and speak to their kids
who are going to schools.

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And then I went into
Sangra neighborhood

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and people were
telling me, "hey, man,

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don't go there because it
turns out that war is still

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going on today."

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In fact, two months before I
got there, somebody from Sangra

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had beaten, stabbed, and shot,
and killed a kid from Lomas

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Just two months
before I got there.

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So they were saying,
don't go there, man.

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You know it's still going
on and they know you,

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and all those kinds of things.

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I said, you know I
have to go there.

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And I did.

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And I spoke to all the little
chavalillos, little kids--

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and it was a great, great time.

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Great talk.

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Nothing happened.

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It was just beautiful.

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But again, you don't
even know if there's

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a lot of terrible
damage that goes on.

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And I wanted people
to not forget,

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because to me one of the
problems is we don't heal.

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We don't have
revolutionary healing.

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So many mothers--

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I know mothers who have lost
two or three of their own kids

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during these wars.

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And they try to forget, and
they try to not remember,

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and they-- and so many
pain and death, and then

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nobody wants to talk about it.

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And then the next generation
picks it up again.

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I was fortunate that I was
in northern California.

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And I was speaking to a
number of locals there,

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and some man walked
in and he sat down.

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And as I was speaking.

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I was talking about all
this, and it turns out

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that he's a guy that I
hadn't seen in 20 years.

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He was a member of Sangra,
and was a tecato for 20 years.

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And had kicked it, and had
started work with youth

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there in northern California.

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And he came to hear me
talk I guess he just

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wanted to know who I was.

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What I was about.

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And when he got up,
he started talking

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about how he had read
the book and remembered

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all these things, and
remember the names.

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And, again, he started
to cry, and talked

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about how 20 years ago we
would be killing each other.

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And he came up to me with
sage and gave it to me

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as a peace offering.

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And then I hugged
him and told him,

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"We got to fight for
our children now.

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We got to save some lives."

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And I was very moved by this--

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that our enemies, who you
wouldn't imagine the kind

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of enemies that this was.

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The terror and terrible
damage we did to each other.

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I want to read this last part,
because it's related to that.

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It's related to one
of the homeboys from--

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one of the guys
from Sangra who I

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called Chava in the book,
who, unfortunately, was or one

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of the leaders.

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One of the main guys, but
actually what happened

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is that he got walked
into the wrong party.

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He thought it was just
some regular dudes.

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Turned out eight members
of Lomas were there.

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They cornered him.

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They each stabbed him once.

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As he fell down, he
had eight stab wounds.

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And then still
somebody picked up

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a tire rim-- a rusted tire rim--
and thrust it down on his head

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and cracked his head open.

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So I thought that he had
died, because sometimes things

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happened.

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You don't really find
out and you just--

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I thought he was dead.

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Years later, I came back to the
neighborhood for a quinceanera

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and he's there.

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He comes up to me, and this
is the incident that happened.

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One of the things, in
case you don't know,

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my barrio name-- my
placa was Chin de Lomas.

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So it mentions it in here.

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I'm at a quinceanera dance
at the American Legion

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Hall in St. Gabriel.

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My cousin's, one of Tio
Chico's daughters, I'm older,

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married with a
child, and dressed

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in plain shirt and pants.

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Hair is shortened.

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Not much to show for what I had
been through only a short time

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earlier.

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I step outside to
take in some air.

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I lean against a
parked sedan, looking

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at the stars, which
seem extraordinarily

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large and bright this evening.

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Just then, a short figure,
wobbling with a kind of limp,

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moves toward me.

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He has a blue beanie
cap over his head,

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and the dark hooded sweatshirt.

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"You Chin DeLomas?"

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Says the figure.

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I don't recognize him.

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Not even the voice, which
wraps as much as it slurs--

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no pangs of familiarity.

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"I guess I am, but it's been
a long time since anyone's

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called me that," I said.

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"You're going to die."

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"What are you talking about?"

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"You thought you killed me,
but you didn't," the dude

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says, hauntingly
measuring every word.

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"I took all your shanks.

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Eight of them right here."

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He lifts up the sweatshirt.

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A ghastly number of
scars traverse his torso.

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A plastic bag is strapped at
his side to hold his urine.

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"You did this to me.

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Look hard, you did this."

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"You got it wrong,
Chava, it wasn't me."

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"Sure, I heard it before.

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I know who did this, and
you're going to pay."

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From the side, emerged to
other guys Healthy and strong,

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looking like street--

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although a lot younger
than the both of us.

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"Chava, listen," I say, "I heard
about what happened that night,

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but I wasn't there.

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For some time now, I've
been working my way

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out of a useless existence.

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Now I found something
to live for.

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Bigger than you and me.

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Bigger than Lomas and Sangra.

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You don't want me."

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Chava gets closer,
alcohol on his breath.

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I can see tears
forming in his eyes.

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"Lomas did this.

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Somebody has to pay," he
yells while pulling off

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the beanie cap, revealing
the misshapen head

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with scattered slivers of hair.

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The scars on his body don't
compare to those on his head

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and the side of his face.

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"Look what you did to me.

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Somebody has to pay
for this," he repeats.

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He is so disturbed I can
see him pulling out a knife

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and stabbing me, just
to solve his pain.

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I look at the guys
next to me, and they

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strike me as too young
and inexperienced to act.

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I keep talking, "There's
some things to fight for.

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Some things to die for.

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But not this, Chava.

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You're alive.

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I feel for you, man,
but you're alive.

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Don't waste the rest of
your days with this hate.

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What's revenge?

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What can you get
by getting to me?

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I'm the least of your enemies.

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It's time to let it go.

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Time to go on with your life.

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Chava begins to shudder--

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to utter something.

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A guttural sound
rising to his throat.

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A hideous moan.

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I think he's trying to
cry, but it's hard to tell.

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I don't know what to do,
So I pull him close to me.

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He twists away.

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The dudes to the side look lost.

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Not knowing their next move--
unprepared for what follows.

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I again pull at
Chava and hold him.

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He breaks down.

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A flood of fermented rage
seeping out of every pore.

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If I thought my life
could cleanse you

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of the hurt, of the memory,
I would open up my shirt

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and let you take it from me.

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But it won't.

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We're too much the
same now, Chava.

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Let it all out, man, let it out.

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I hold Chava as if he
were cornmeal in my arms.

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Then pity overwhelms me.

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This complicated
affection, which

00:08:04.090 --> 00:08:07.540 align:middle line:84%
cuts across the clear cut states
of being we'd rather seek.

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Here's friend.

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Here's enemy.

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Here's sadness.

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Here's happiness.

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Here's right.

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Here's wrong.

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Pity draws from all
these opposing elements,

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and courses through me
like an uncooked stew.

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Mixing and confusing
the paradoxes.

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Because now, this man--

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I once admired, if not revered,
I once feared, if not hated--

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stands here.

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A fragment of the race.

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Drunk.

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Agonized.

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Crushed.

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And I can't hate them anymore.

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I can't see him as the
manifestation of craziness

00:08:38.659 --> 00:08:41.490 align:middle line:90%
and power he once possessed.

00:08:41.490 --> 00:08:42.590 align:middle line:90%
He's a caricature.

00:08:42.590 --> 00:08:45.320 align:middle line:84%
An aberration, but
also more like me--

00:08:45.320 --> 00:08:48.260 align:middle line:84%
capable of so much ache
beneath the exterior

00:08:48.260 --> 00:08:51.330 align:middle line:90%
of so much strength.

00:08:51.330 --> 00:08:55.280 align:middle line:84%
And after an internal
minute, Chava pushes me away.

00:08:55.280 --> 00:08:59.090 align:middle line:84%
Wipes his face with his
soiled sleeve and then turns.

00:08:59.090 --> 00:09:02.870 align:middle line:84%
The dudes next to us don't seem
to know what to do but follow.

00:09:02.870 --> 00:09:05.120 align:middle line:90%
I see Chava hobble away.

00:09:05.120 --> 00:09:08.090 align:middle line:84%
Two confused
teenagers at his side.

00:09:08.090 --> 00:09:10.790 align:middle line:84%
And as he vanishes
into a flicker of neon,

00:09:10.790 --> 00:09:14.540 align:middle line:84%
I hear the final temple of
the crazy life leave my body.

00:09:14.540 --> 00:09:16.340 align:middle line:90%
The last song before the dying.

00:09:16.340 --> 00:09:18.620 align:middle line:90%
Lapsing forever out of mind.

00:09:18.620 --> 00:09:22.010 align:middle line:84%
As Chaba disappears,
enveloped in flames.

00:09:22.010 --> 00:09:24.470 align:middle line:84%
Breaking through
the asphalt. Rested

00:09:24.470 --> 00:09:28.577 align:middle line:90%
into the black heart of night.

00:09:28.577 --> 00:09:30.922 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:09:30.922 --> 00:09:33.270 align:middle line:90%


00:09:33.270 --> 00:09:35.010 align:middle line:90%
Thank you thank you.

00:09:35.010 --> 00:09:39.560 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:09:39.560 --> 00:09:41.000 align:middle line:90%