WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.660 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.660 --> 00:00:05.950 align:middle line:84% That proem was for the magazine, DIAGRAM's 10th anniversary, 00:00:05.950 --> 00:00:07.860 align:middle line:84% which was published in a deck of cards. 00:00:07.860 --> 00:00:13.206 align:middle line:84% And that was for the 10 of clubs. 00:00:13.206 --> 00:00:15.696 align:middle line:84% Just I think you can buy it over there. 00:00:15.696 --> 00:00:17.190 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:17.190 --> 00:00:20.190 align:middle line:90% 00:00:20.190 --> 00:00:23.550 align:middle line:90% One last one. 00:00:23.550 --> 00:00:27.620 align:middle line:90% Are any of you Miami Vice fans? 00:00:27.620 --> 00:00:28.855 align:middle line:90% Not a one. 00:00:28.855 --> 00:00:29.745 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:00:29.745 --> 00:00:31.080 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:31.080 --> 00:00:34.530 align:middle line:84% If you're not fans of Miami Vice there 00:00:34.530 --> 00:00:38.790 align:middle line:84% are two detectives, Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs. 00:00:38.790 --> 00:00:42.090 align:middle line:90% This is a letter to them. 00:00:42.090 --> 00:00:48.720 align:middle line:84% Dear Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs, I'm sorry to admit this, 00:00:48.720 --> 00:00:52.320 align:middle line:90% but I think I may be suicidal. 00:00:52.320 --> 00:00:55.190 align:middle line:90% I have no confidence anymore. 00:00:55.190 --> 00:00:57.830 align:middle line:84% Well, I never had any to begin with. 00:00:57.830 --> 00:00:59.750 align:middle line:90% I still have none. 00:00:59.750 --> 00:01:01.700 align:middle line:84% The thought of doing what I'm doing now 00:01:01.700 --> 00:01:06.080 align:middle line:84% for the rest of my life makes me want to slit my wrists. 00:01:06.080 --> 00:01:08.340 align:middle line:90% No, that's not true. 00:01:08.340 --> 00:01:10.010 align:middle line:90% I like the job just fine. 00:01:10.010 --> 00:01:12.740 align:middle line:84% It's the thought of working with the kind of people 00:01:12.740 --> 00:01:15.200 align:middle line:84% I'm working with now for the rest of my life 00:01:15.200 --> 00:01:17.210 align:middle line:84% that makes me want to close the garage 00:01:17.210 --> 00:01:19.550 align:middle line:90% door with the car running. 00:01:19.550 --> 00:01:20.450 align:middle line:90% I know. 00:01:20.450 --> 00:01:22.460 align:middle line:90% I'm not very creative. 00:01:22.460 --> 00:01:25.940 align:middle line:84% I pretend sometimes, but everyone knows I'm not. 00:01:25.940 --> 00:01:27.860 align:middle line:90% They just humor me. 00:01:27.860 --> 00:01:29.600 align:middle line:90% "That's great," they say. 00:01:29.600 --> 00:01:31.730 align:middle line:90% "So inventive," they say. 00:01:31.730 --> 00:01:34.940 align:middle line:84% And they continue to move their mouths in my direction, 00:01:34.940 --> 00:01:37.280 align:middle line:84% but I know they're thinking about their shopping 00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:41.150 align:middle line:84% lists, and their manicures, or their wives' manicures, 00:01:41.150 --> 00:01:46.190 align:middle line:84% and whether or not they need to put air in their tires. 00:01:46.190 --> 00:01:49.640 align:middle line:84% It's a rough and interesting life they lead. 00:01:49.640 --> 00:01:52.280 align:middle line:84% But now I'm being sarcastic, and no one ever 00:01:52.280 --> 00:01:54.650 align:middle line:90% knows when I'm being sarcastic. 00:01:54.650 --> 00:01:57.470 align:middle line:84% I'm tired of being misunderstood. 00:01:57.470 --> 00:02:00.260 align:middle line:84% Honestly though, I think they're just afraid that if they're 00:02:00.260 --> 00:02:03.380 align:middle line:90% honest I'll kill myself. 00:02:03.380 --> 00:02:06.290 align:middle line:84% They really aren't such bad people. 00:02:06.290 --> 00:02:10.550 align:middle line:84% I'm afraid to admit this, but I think I may be a socialist. 00:02:10.550 --> 00:02:12.350 align:middle line:84% The thought of doing what I'm doing now 00:02:12.350 --> 00:02:16.460 align:middle line:84% for the rest of my life makes me want to swallow arsenic. 00:02:16.460 --> 00:02:18.830 align:middle line:90% Is that what Madame Bovary did? 00:02:18.830 --> 00:02:21.860 align:middle line:84% Did you have to read that book in high school, too? 00:02:21.860 --> 00:02:25.610 align:middle line:84% Seriously, though, I've never told anyone that before, 00:02:25.610 --> 00:02:27.800 align:middle line:90% about being a socialist. 00:02:27.800 --> 00:02:29.660 align:middle line:84% Maybe I shouldn't have told you either. 00:02:29.660 --> 00:02:31.940 align:middle line:84% I don't really know your politics. 00:02:31.940 --> 00:02:35.210 align:middle line:84% Living in Miami may mean you side with the Cubans 00:02:35.210 --> 00:02:37.010 align:middle line:90% who fled Castro. 00:02:37.010 --> 00:02:41.510 align:middle line:84% I'll understand if you do, and I hope we can put that behind us. 00:02:41.510 --> 00:02:45.860 align:middle line:84% You may wonder what this has to do with you, why I'm writing. 00:02:45.860 --> 00:02:49.310 align:middle line:84% That is, if you've even gotten this far, and I doubt you have. 00:02:49.310 --> 00:02:52.100 align:middle line:84% People rarely care about what I have to say, 00:02:52.100 --> 00:02:54.080 align:middle line:90% but that's OK, in your case. 00:02:54.080 --> 00:02:55.940 align:middle line:90% I know you're busy people. 00:02:55.940 --> 00:02:58.490 align:middle line:90% You rarely ever sleep. 00:02:58.490 --> 00:03:02.990 align:middle line:84% But I watch your show, and I think I want a gun. 00:03:02.990 --> 00:03:06.500 align:middle line:84% The I should be italicized for the right inflection. 00:03:06.500 --> 00:03:09.090 align:middle line:90% I want a gun. 00:03:09.090 --> 00:03:12.410 align:middle line:84% Those are bad people you catch, or often shoot. 00:03:12.410 --> 00:03:15.020 align:middle line:84% They always seem to die at the end of the show. 00:03:15.020 --> 00:03:17.570 align:middle line:90% That's so satisfying. 00:03:17.570 --> 00:03:20.510 align:middle line:84% Not that I condone killing, but it isn't 00:03:20.510 --> 00:03:22.430 align:middle line:90% like you feel good about it. 00:03:22.430 --> 00:03:25.490 align:middle line:84% Crockett, you always look so remorseful after you 00:03:25.490 --> 00:03:29.437 align:middle line:84% pulled the trigger or someone dies in your arms. 00:03:29.437 --> 00:03:30.020 align:middle line:90% It's charming. 00:03:30.020 --> 00:03:31.790 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:03:31.790 --> 00:03:34.640 align:middle line:84% Now I'm worried about that earlier sentence. 00:03:34.640 --> 00:03:36.860 align:middle line:84% I hope you don't take that the wrong way. 00:03:36.860 --> 00:03:38.510 align:middle line:90% It's just you kick ass. 00:03:38.510 --> 00:03:40.580 align:middle line:90% You literally kick ass. 00:03:40.580 --> 00:03:42.450 align:middle line:90% It's so satisfying. 00:03:42.450 --> 00:03:44.810 align:middle line:90% And you save prostitutes. 00:03:44.810 --> 00:03:48.290 align:middle line:84% I want to save a prostitute, but I need a gun. 00:03:48.290 --> 00:03:52.250 align:middle line:84% I mean, Richard Gere only works in the big screen. 00:03:52.250 --> 00:03:54.980 align:middle line:90% What am I doing Crockett, Tubbs? 00:03:54.980 --> 00:03:57.200 align:middle line:90% Nothing of any importance. 00:03:57.200 --> 00:04:01.490 align:middle line:84% Anyway, about the whole suicidal thing, don't worry. 00:04:01.490 --> 00:04:03.200 align:middle line:90% I'm just a talker. 00:04:03.200 --> 00:04:07.010 align:middle line:84% Keep up the good work, and maybe come knock on my door. 00:04:07.010 --> 00:04:10.280 align:middle line:84% I swear I'll have a gun in my right hand. 00:04:10.280 --> 00:04:12.590 align:middle line:90% Much love and affection. 00:04:12.590 --> 00:04:17.090 align:middle line:90% 00:04:17.090 --> 00:04:20.440 align:middle line:90% [AUDIENCE APPLAUSE] 00:04:20.440 --> 00:04:28.000 align:middle line:90%