That proem was for the magazine, DIAGRAM's 10th anniversary,
which was published in a deck of cards.
And that was for the 10 of clubs.
Just I think you can buy it over there.
[LAUGHTER]
One last one.
Are any of you Miami Vice fans?
Not a one.
Thank you.
[LAUGHTER]
If you're not fans of Miami Vice there
are two detectives, Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs.
This is a letter to them.
Dear Sonny Crockett and Rico Tubbs, I'm sorry to admit this,
but I think I may be suicidal.
I have no confidence anymore.
Well, I never had any to begin with.
I still have none.
The thought of doing what I'm doing now
for the rest of my life makes me want to slit my wrists.
No, that's not true.
I like the job just fine.
It's the thought of working with the kind of people
I'm working with now for the rest of my life
that makes me want to close the garage
door with the car running.
I know.
I'm not very creative.
I pretend sometimes, but everyone knows I'm not.
They just humor me.
"That's great," they say.
"So inventive," they say.
And they continue to move their mouths in my direction,
but I know they're thinking about their shopping
lists, and their manicures, or their wives' manicures,
and whether or not they need to put air in their tires.
It's a rough and interesting life they lead.
But now I'm being sarcastic, and no one ever
knows when I'm being sarcastic.
I'm tired of being misunderstood.
Honestly though, I think they're just afraid that if they're
honest I'll kill myself.
They really aren't such bad people.
I'm afraid to admit this, but I think I may be a socialist.
The thought of doing what I'm doing now
for the rest of my life makes me want to swallow arsenic.
Is that what Madame Bovary did?
Did you have to read that book in high school, too?
Seriously, though, I've never told anyone that before,
about being a socialist.
Maybe I shouldn't have told you either.
I don't really know your politics.
Living in Miami may mean you side with the Cubans
who fled Castro.
I'll understand if you do, and I hope we can put that behind us.
You may wonder what this has to do with you, why I'm writing.
That is, if you've even gotten this far, and I doubt you have.
People rarely care about what I have to say,
but that's OK, in your case.
I know you're busy people.
You rarely ever sleep.
But I watch your show, and I think I want a gun.
The I should be italicized for the right inflection.
I want a gun.
Those are bad people you catch, or often shoot.
They always seem to die at the end of the show.
That's so satisfying.
Not that I condone killing, but it isn't
like you feel good about it.
Crockett, you always look so remorseful after you
pulled the trigger or someone dies in your arms.
It's charming.
[LAUGHTER]
Now I'm worried about that earlier sentence.
I hope you don't take that the wrong way.
It's just you kick ass.
You literally kick ass.
It's so satisfying.
And you save prostitutes.
I want to save a prostitute, but I need a gun.
I mean, Richard Gere only works in the big screen.
What am I doing Crockett, Tubbs?
Nothing of any importance.
Anyway, about the whole suicidal thing, don't worry.
I'm just a talker.
Keep up the good work, and maybe come knock on my door.
I swear I'll have a gun in my right hand.
Much love and affection.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUSE]