WEBVTT

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I recently had to be--

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I had anesthesia
and got knocked out,

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but it was after I
had written this poem.

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And I came to, and I had
also just seen Inception.

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[LAUGHTER]

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And I was convinced I was
in the movie Inception.

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And I said, "This
is really trippy."

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And then I remembered this poem.

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And I started waving my
hand in front of my face.

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It was highly entertaining.

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Don't expect me to make eye
contact when you comment

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on the roundness of my cheeks.

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I have low self-esteem,
or so I was

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told after the incident when
the children informed me

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I look like a sad hippopotamus.

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[LAUGHTER]

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I cried hippo tears,
playing into their plan.

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"They did this to me," I sobbed,
into the doctor's shoulder.

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"Don't touch," the
doctor whispered,

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backing up toward the wall.

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Then said, "Keep
your chin up, kiddo."

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If I weren't shy, I'd have said,
"We are around the same age,

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doc-o."

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[LAUGHTER]

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But instead, I continue to cry.

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This was my life.

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The children had fangs and
my doctor told me cliches.

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And no one wanted to touch me.

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Lately the children taunt
me, "Eat, eat, hippo face."

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I should throw a
rock, yell back,

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"Be more creative
you lot of cretins."

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[LAUGHS]

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But I hate to be offensive.

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Today, my crush threw
an empty cup my way,

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mistaking me for a dumpster.

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Not so surprising, I suppose.

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And I've seen it in my dreams,
the children wielding a load

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of pumpkins in my direction.

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"My teeth, my teeth," I yell,
as the hippo food flies.

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"We love it when you
squeal," they say, clapping.

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Those little pinkies
of Satan, children.

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[LAUGHTER]

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But they notice you.

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They know you exist,
as invisible woman,

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says my doctor, says
my crying mother.

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But what good is that,
my hand full of teeth.

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Are there any children?

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[LAUGHTER]