WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.290 align:middle line:90% 00:00:05.290 --> 00:00:07.270 align:middle line:84% Of all the stories that were told to me, 00:00:07.270 --> 00:00:12.220 align:middle line:84% the one that I've had the hardest time believing 00:00:12.220 --> 00:00:15.040 align:middle line:84% was told to me by a friend of mine, 00:00:15.040 --> 00:00:18.023 align:middle line:84% who's a professor in Northern California. 00:00:18.023 --> 00:00:20.440 align:middle line:84% And I think one of the reasons I had a hard time believing 00:00:20.440 --> 00:00:24.940 align:middle line:84% it is I am one of those people who loves therapy. 00:00:24.940 --> 00:00:26.350 align:middle line:90% I love therapy. 00:00:26.350 --> 00:00:28.990 align:middle line:84% I like to throw all my money at therapists. 00:00:28.990 --> 00:00:29.980 align:middle line:90% Here, take it. 00:00:29.980 --> 00:00:33.305 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:33.305 --> 00:00:34.730 align:middle line:90% 00:00:34.730 --> 00:00:36.380 align:middle line:90% And I believe in them. 00:00:36.380 --> 00:00:41.830 align:middle line:84% I believe that these people have been trained to be more human, 00:00:41.830 --> 00:00:44.320 align:middle line:90% to listen, to see people. 00:00:44.320 --> 00:00:49.290 align:middle line:90% 00:00:49.290 --> 00:00:54.690 align:middle line:84% "The new therapist specializes in trauma counseling." 00:00:54.690 --> 00:00:58.080 align:middle line:84% You have only ever spoken on the phone. 00:00:58.080 --> 00:01:02.580 align:middle line:84% Her house has a side gate that leads to a back entrance she 00:01:02.580 --> 00:01:05.430 align:middle line:90% uses for patients. 00:01:05.430 --> 00:01:10.500 align:middle line:84% You walk down a path, bordered on both sides with deer grass 00:01:10.500 --> 00:01:17.400 align:middle line:84% and rosemary to the gate, which turns out to be locked. 00:01:17.400 --> 00:01:21.060 align:middle line:84% Out the front door, the bell is a small, round disc 00:01:21.060 --> 00:01:24.030 align:middle line:90% that you press firmly. 00:01:24.030 --> 00:01:27.810 align:middle line:84% When the door finally opens, the woman standing there 00:01:27.810 --> 00:01:31.350 align:middle line:84% yells at the top of her lungs, "Get away 00:01:31.350 --> 00:01:35.670 align:middle line:84% from my house, what are you doing in my yard!" 00:01:35.670 --> 00:01:40.950 align:middle line:84% It's as if a wounded Doberman Pinscher or a German Shepherd 00:01:40.950 --> 00:01:45.060 align:middle line:90% has gained the power of speech. 00:01:45.060 --> 00:01:47.790 align:middle line:84% And though you back up a few steps, 00:01:47.790 --> 00:01:51.990 align:middle line:84% you manage to tell her you have an appointment. 00:01:51.990 --> 00:01:56.820 align:middle line:84% "You have an appointment?", she spits back. 00:01:56.820 --> 00:01:59.130 align:middle line:90% Then she pauses. 00:01:59.130 --> 00:02:01.770 align:middle line:90% Everything pauses. 00:02:01.770 --> 00:02:07.290 align:middle line:84% "Oh," she says, followed by "Oh, yes, that's right. 00:02:07.290 --> 00:02:08.639 align:middle line:90% I'm sorry. 00:02:08.639 --> 00:02:09.734 align:middle line:90% I'm so, so sorry." 00:02:09.734 --> 00:02:13.170 align:middle line:90% 00:02:13.170 --> 00:02:14.640 align:middle line:84% When my friend told me that story, 00:02:14.640 --> 00:02:18.340 align:middle line:90% I thought, that didn't happen. 00:02:18.340 --> 00:02:22.033 align:middle line:90% 00:02:22.033 --> 00:02:24.200 align:middle line:84% And so I said to her, then what happened after that? 00:02:24.200 --> 00:02:30.480 align:middle line:84% And she said-- she said, I went to the appointment. 00:02:30.480 --> 00:02:33.188 align:middle line:84% And I did that thing, you know, I was like, what? 00:02:33.188 --> 00:02:36.394 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:36.394 --> 00:02:37.770 align:middle line:90% 00:02:37.770 --> 00:02:41.770 align:middle line:84% Except, in all honesty, I would have gone, too. 00:02:41.770 --> 00:02:45.360 align:middle line:84% You don't travel all the way there. 00:02:45.360 --> 00:02:49.860 align:middle line:84% You know, she had gotten a recommendation. 00:02:49.860 --> 00:02:52.440 align:middle line:84% And then she gets all the way there. 00:02:52.440 --> 00:02:59.580 align:middle line:84% And as-- you know, she has negotiated this stuff 00:02:59.580 --> 00:03:01.800 align:middle line:90% all her life. 00:03:01.800 --> 00:03:06.450 align:middle line:84% So she wasn't going to let it turn it around, that. 00:03:06.450 --> 00:03:10.050 align:middle line:90% So she went to the appointment. 00:03:10.050 --> 00:03:12.360 align:middle line:90% And I said, then what happened? 00:03:12.360 --> 00:03:15.885 align:middle line:84% And then she said, well, after that, I went home and I wept. 00:03:15.885 --> 00:03:18.770 align:middle line:90% 00:03:18.770 --> 00:03:24.140 align:middle line:84% And I called the machine and told her 00:03:24.140 --> 00:03:25.700 align:middle line:90% that I will not be coming back. 00:03:25.700 --> 00:03:28.240 align:middle line:90% 00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:31.600 align:middle line:84% And I said, you made another appointment. 00:03:31.600 --> 00:03:33.392 align:middle line:84% She said, yeah, I made another appointment. 00:03:33.392 --> 00:03:35.160 align:middle line:90% But I didn't go. 00:03:35.160 --> 00:03:39.400 align:middle line:90% And that's how it works. 00:03:39.400 --> 00:03:44.130 align:middle line:84% We are forced to negotiate these moments. 00:03:44.130 --> 00:03:45.660 align:middle line:90% And you move through them. 00:03:45.660 --> 00:03:50.730 align:middle line:84% And the impact, the emotional impact, the degrading, 00:03:50.730 --> 00:03:54.750 align:middle line:84% the dismissal, the moments of being made invisible 00:03:54.750 --> 00:03:56.460 align:middle line:90% happen again and again. 00:03:56.460 --> 00:03:59.610 align:middle line:84% And they go in, they become part of the things 00:03:59.610 --> 00:04:03.870 align:middle line:84% that you digest and have to figure out. 00:04:03.870 --> 00:04:07.740 align:middle line:84% And luckily for her, she didn't go back. 00:04:07.740 --> 00:04:08.940 align:middle line:90% And I was thinking-- 00:04:08.940 --> 00:04:11.460 align:middle line:90% 00:04:11.460 --> 00:04:13.670 align:middle line:84% when I wrote this, I was thinking about 00:04:13.670 --> 00:04:16.860 align:middle line:84% that term is as a wounded Doberman Pinscher. 00:04:16.860 --> 00:04:19.110 align:middle line:90% And that I just wrote. 00:04:19.110 --> 00:04:23.400 align:middle line:84% But then I thought, if she's a Doberman Pinscher, 00:04:23.400 --> 00:04:25.500 align:middle line:90% what is my friend? 00:04:25.500 --> 00:04:26.000 align:middle line:90%