WEBVTT

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So my name is Logan
Timothy Phillips,

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but I did not pick it.

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It didn't pick me.

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My name was given to me, as the
first decision to be societal.

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A first socialization
of babies blood.

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Mothers bloodless c-section,
anesthesia, babies talk,

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mothers tongue, see,
nobody could pronounce me.

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Shane called me Augie.

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Logs, a loose
association of vowels

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easier said for a
tongue not yet done.

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See, my name is Regional
Hospital, Cochise County.

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No hospital in our adobe town.

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No hospital in Tombstone,
but I was born in Tombstone,

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nonetheless.

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Yes that's true.

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I was born into an incubator.

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My name was plastic
and fluorescence

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before it was anything else.

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My parents drove back
home across the San Pedro

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without me.

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My name is as much me as
a word without the lips.

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My first word, as my
mother tells it, was light.

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I was removed from
her with my eyes open,

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and I'm not sure if that's true.

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I'm not sure if it
would be possible to be

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c-section while
watching, but she

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says I've been this
way since I got here.

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My mother, it was
not her decision.

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My mother, Judy Phillips,
1984, swerved and spinning

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the car in a 360 as
she avoids the cow,

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stopped in a blind curve on
Charleston road, her infant son

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giggling beside her.

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My name, Tim Phillips, 1978.

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My name, 1994.

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My little sister.

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My name, April 7th, 1983,
the date of my birth

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that was scheduled with
Dr. [? Cassinga. ?]

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My mother still speaks
his name with reverence.

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His hands that were inside her--

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I have not seen his
hands since that day.

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I was a long time
coming, she says.

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Born of the month of
diamonds, like my grandmother,

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her mother, the matriarch.

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Nan we called her-- a loose
mash of vowels, potatoes

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at Christmas, her laugh
that punctuated a room,

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her calling George
Bush an a-hole hole

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every time she saw him on
television, telling it like it

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was.

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She wore diamonds
on her fingers.

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Yugoslavian father with
black lungs, born of coal.

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She wore diamonds
above her knuckles,

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cigarettes perched upon them.

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I do not wear her
name, [? Wukovich ?]..

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I wear her husband's ring, but
I do not wear his name either,

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Easton.

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I did not choose my
lineage or its labels.

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My race is a
circumcision, but more so.

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The date of my birth was chosen,
the month of the matriarch.

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My grandmother, the
month of our birth--

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hers in a Colorado
coal camp, where

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everyone is the same race in
the mine, and is that true?

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I am 18, and my name is released
on its own recognizance,

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after standing in front of
the judge via teleconference.

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The TV of he is in a little cage
inside this larger cage, where

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my hands are shackled
to my feet, which

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is shackled to my
waist, which was

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shackled to the war on drugs.

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I stand in front of the
image of the judge who

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returns my name to me
remixed He says, Philip,

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I'm releasing you without bail.

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Be good, Mr. Logan.

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I am 19 and finally
everyone knows me as poet.

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Poet surrounded by other
poets and crappy little poems,

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little revelations nonetheless.

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See, genius contains equal
parts when and where.

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And I did better at this thing
when I learned not to care.

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See, genius is equal parts
not caring and knowing,

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equal parts that
I find ridiculous.

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In a sarcastic moment
on stage in Chicago

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I call myself Dirtyverbs, and
they never let me forget it.

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Humor, equal parts
timing and teasing.

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See, I'm 20, my name is
returned to me remixed.

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I come from a different
pronunciation of the letter A.

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I say, Hola, much
gusto, me llamo Logan.

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And they say, ¿Qué ?

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And then I say, Hola, mucho
gusto, me llamo Logan.

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And they say, ah.

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And then they ask me
for my name in Spanish,

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the version better fit to this
language that we are speaking.

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But there is no Logano.

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There is no Loganacion.

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There is no Esteban for
Steve, no Juan for John.

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My name is nowhere in the Bible.

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My family is Catholic.

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My name is pagan.

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And guilt is not my [INAUDIBLE].

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See, we have this in common,
Catholics-- the Bible

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and the blood.

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It's like Fuentes said, our
savior had to be bloody.

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Our peoples would never be to
convinced to convert to follow

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a savior like the Buddha--

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to follow a God who
died of indigestion.

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For Mexicans and Irish,
it was always the blood.

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Potato y maíz, Spain and
England, pain and harvest,

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blood.

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A carpenter sacrificed on wood.

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A carpenter held
together by nails.

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I am 22 and my name is colored
shirts and a mohawk that

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has been grown out and
cut to teacher length,

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thank you very much.

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My name is the excitement
of 30 third graders,

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their smiles when I'd
rather not be there.

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My name is also
nonsense to them,

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And so they call me teacher.

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Just like they call the women
miss, they call me teacher.

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They ask me if I'm an enojón.

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They ask me what we are
going to read today.

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My name means gatekeeper of
the great Cuernavacan Curious

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George connection.

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Preacher of the highest
bookshelf, maestro de inglés.

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My name, it means $500 a
month for 60 hours a week.

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And my name is still jealousy
to all the other teachers

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who are paid less than this.

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I am 20, and la doña decides
that my name is Timotheo.

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Her lips will never
believe in my combination

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of L's and N's, and this
version of my identity--

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it spreads like a
virus, like a joke,

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through introductions,
through handshakes.

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In Carretero they
still call me Timo.

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They call me Logan.

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My last name, they know from
a company that makes padlocks.

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So my last name
is strong to them.

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We come from different
pronunciations of the letter I.

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I say Phillips,
they say Phillips.

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I learn to know
myself as Phillips.

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It's funny.

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It's a joke.

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It's spreading.

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I'm sick with it.

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And then it's normal.

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Their name for me becomes
my name for myself,

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in this language that
is not my language that

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is my language, in
this place that is not

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my place that is my place, now.

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This [? polvorín ?] this [? aguachiles ?]
this Cuernavaca centro this Roma this [INAUDIBLE].

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We come from different I's.

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Phillips and Logan and the eyes
that we see the world with.

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And me, I still try for we.

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Lands a distinct vowel
sounds, tongue placements--

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it's hard to see eye to eye.

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Y que sí.

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Cada nombre es un coyote
lingüístico que me cruce para

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el otro lado.

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Me reconozco en
cada nombre nuevo.

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Me conozco al andar.

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Cada nombre dado al azar.

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Cada vez me conozco
mejor y me ven menos.

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Para ellos desaparezco.

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Me pierdo, pero
así me encuentro.

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Yo no escojo la
identidad si es coja.

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Se echa a andar a duras penas.

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Llegar a un acuerdo le cuesta.

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Yo no soy chicano, lo
que se dice chicano.

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Yo no soy mexicano, lo
que se dice mexicano.

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Tampoco soy gringo,
lo que se dice gringo.

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Yo soy yo, propio y fronterizo.

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Mi nombre es un coyote en
verso, uno en tierra de coyotes

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perversos.

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Mi nombre es tierra en
el reino del cemento.

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Mi nombre es delirio en
el reino de la razón.

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Mi nombre verde, que te quiero
verde, verde, viento, verde,

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bramas.

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El barco sobre la montaña,
el caballo en la mar.

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Mi nombre es sonámbulo,
sueños desterrados,

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superficie profundo,
cielo, adentro.

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My name in the tangled
confusion of sky,

00:07:39.350 --> 00:07:41.613 align:middle line:84%
in the marbled bark of
manzanita-- rural routes

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and crumbling granite.

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My name in the dance
of sycamore leaves,

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in the spine fist
of agave, written

00:07:46.580 --> 00:07:48.560 align:middle line:84%
ripped in the calligraphy
of arroyos, written

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wrapped in the
graffiti of lichen.

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My name, naked at dawn.

00:07:51.507 --> 00:07:53.840 align:middle line:84%
My name, black book, after
black book, after black book.

00:07:53.840 --> 00:07:56.210 align:middle line:84%
My name, buying the
first can of spray paint.

00:07:56.210 --> 00:07:58.913 align:middle line:84%
My name, a writing
prompt ambulante por fin,

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practicing what it preaches.

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My name, defined
by what it teaches.

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My name, its spelling
decided by my students.

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My name, un mundo donde
quepan muchos mundos.

00:08:06.710 --> 00:08:08.840 align:middle line:84%
There are so many
worlds inside this one.

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There are so many
poems inside this one.

00:08:11.190 --> 00:08:15.230 align:middle line:84%
And there are so many
names inside just this one.

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[CHEERING]

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[APPLAUSE]

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