WEBVTT

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We turned a corner where
a group of prison guards

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had gathered in a circle,
playing a game with dice.

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Thoroughly occupied
with the game,

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tossing dice and laughing or
groaning, no one looked at us.

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We had made almost a full
circle of the courtyard

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on all four wings.

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Miguel glanced
around cautiously.

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Listo, he whispered.

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Are you ready?

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He locked eyes
with me, then asked

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if I saw the dark,
open doorway nearby.

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I did.

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It was not quite 10 feet away.

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A room with an entrance like the
barracks, like the work rooms,

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but it was on the other side
of the courtyard, the far side.

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No one is paying
attention to you, now.

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Just walk into that room
and try to see what you can.

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Don't stay long.

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And control your face
when you come out.

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I'll be right here.

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If anyone sees you and
asks what you are doing,

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just make an absent-minded
North American lady face.

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And he imitated such a face
by looking at me blankly

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with his mouth slightly open.

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I had never seen anyone
do that before and didn't

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realize that this is what
we looked like to others.

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And just say that you got lost.

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For a moment, I froze.

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And then he smiled
and nodded yes to me,

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tossing his head in the
direction of the doorway.

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Go now, quickly.

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I was inside the room.

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It was darker than any
other room in the prison,

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and it stank more.

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I tried to adjust my
eyes to the darkness.

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Try to see, Leonel had said.

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It was what he was
always asking me to do.

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Try to see.

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Look at the world, he'd
say, and not at the mirror.

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What I saw were wooden
boxes about the size

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of washing machines, maybe
even a little smaller.

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I counted the boxes.

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There were six.

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And they had small openings
cut into the fronts,

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with chicken wire mesh
over the openings.

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They were padlocked.

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As I stood there,
some of the boxes

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started to wobble
a little, and I

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realized that there
were men inside them.

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Fingers came through one
of the mesh openings.

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Blood rushed to my
ears, and I stood

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trying to orient myself so that
I could know not only where

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the room was, but also which
wall the boxes were against.

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And then I walked slowly toward
the light of the open doorway

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and into the hall
where Miguel was

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standing against his crutch.

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As I came toward him, he
whispered, tie your sweater

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sleeves around your neck.

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You have hives.

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I get hives.

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Not as often as I once did,
but in childhood, frequently.

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Whenever I was afraid
or nervous or sad,

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they bloomed on
my neck and face.

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So I did as he asked and
tied the sweater sleeves.

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That's la oscura, the darkness.

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Solitary.

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Sometimes men are held
in there for a year

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and can't move
when they come out

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because of the atrophy
of their muscles.

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Some of them never
recover their minds.

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Tell them on the outside.

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Tell them.

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And then, raising his
voice, he said, Carolina, it

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has been nice to see you again.

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Give my love to Anna and Carlos.

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He was walking, whispering
again, Mil gracias.

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It's time now for you to go.

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Go, he said, motioning with
his head toward the gate.

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But will you be all right?

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Como no, he said.

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Go!

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At the entrance, Leonel
was waiting as promised,

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but beyond him soldiers had
surrounded his [SPANISH]

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and were looking
through the windows.

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He rested his hand
on my shoulder,

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and we began walking
side by side.

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Why are they--?

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I don't know.

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I guess we're going to find out.

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