We turned a corner where a group of prison guards
had gathered in a circle, playing a game with dice.
Thoroughly occupied with the game,
tossing dice and laughing or groaning, no one looked at us.
We had made almost a full circle of the courtyard
on all four wings.
Miguel glanced around cautiously.
Listo, he whispered.
Are you ready?
He locked eyes with me, then asked
if I saw the dark, open doorway nearby.
I did.
It was not quite 10 feet away.
A room with an entrance like the barracks, like the work rooms,
but it was on the other side of the courtyard, the far side.
No one is paying attention to you, now.
Just walk into that room and try to see what you can.
Don't stay long.
And control your face when you come out.
I'll be right here.
If anyone sees you and asks what you are doing,
just make an absent-minded North American lady face.
And he imitated such a face by looking at me blankly
with his mouth slightly open.
I had never seen anyone do that before and didn't
realize that this is what we looked like to others.
And just say that you got lost.
For a moment, I froze.
And then he smiled and nodded yes to me,
tossing his head in the direction of the doorway.
Go now, quickly.
I was inside the room.
It was darker than any other room in the prison,
and it stank more.
I tried to adjust my eyes to the darkness.
Try to see, Leonel had said.
It was what he was always asking me to do.
Try to see.
Look at the world, he'd say, and not at the mirror.
What I saw were wooden boxes about the size
of washing machines, maybe even a little smaller.
I counted the boxes.
There were six.
And they had small openings cut into the fronts,
with chicken wire mesh over the openings.
They were padlocked.
As I stood there, some of the boxes
started to wobble a little, and I
realized that there were men inside them.
Fingers came through one of the mesh openings.
Blood rushed to my ears, and I stood
trying to orient myself so that I could know not only where
the room was, but also which wall the boxes were against.
And then I walked slowly toward the light of the open doorway
and into the hall where Miguel was
standing against his crutch.
As I came toward him, he whispered, tie your sweater
sleeves around your neck.
You have hives.
I get hives.
Not as often as I once did, but in childhood, frequently.
Whenever I was afraid or nervous or sad,
they bloomed on my neck and face.
So I did as he asked and tied the sweater sleeves.
That's la oscura, the darkness.
Solitary.
Sometimes men are held in there for a year
and can't move when they come out
because of the atrophy of their muscles.
Some of them never recover their minds.
Tell them on the outside.
Tell them.
And then, raising his voice, he said, Carolina, it
has been nice to see you again.
Give my love to Anna and Carlos.
He was walking, whispering again, Mil gracias.
It's time now for you to go.
Go, he said, motioning with his head toward the gate.
But will you be all right?
Como no, he said.
Go!
At the entrance, Leonel was waiting as promised,
but beyond him soldiers had surrounded his [SPANISH]
and were looking through the windows.
He rested his hand on my shoulder,
and we began walking side by side.
Why are they--?
I don't know.
I guess we're going to find out.