WEBVTT

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"Bird Omens."

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The teenager at the register
remarked to a friend

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that he'd been called
cheetah, raccoon, Guinea pig

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and hamster that day.

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Thanks hamster, I said as
I paid for a Coke and left.

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I had to get home
and vacuum the yard.

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It was starting to look dirty.

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I wish I lived somewhere
that smelled like fish guts,

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I thought.

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I mean, didn't smell
like fish guts.

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I've been having
trouble concentrating,

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so I'd taken the day off.

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I needed it anyway, to prepare
the dinner I had planned.

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My dog Jeremy fancies
himself a food critic

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and I wanted to impress him.

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My last meal with
him was a disaster

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as I inadvertently opened
a gateway to evil while

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cooking a meatloaf.

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But how are you supposed
to know you're not in love

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when you think you are?

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I bet it's like invisible hands
take one side of your face

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and push it toward the other.

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I know there's a bird omen for
it, but I can't remember it.

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