WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.260 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.260 --> 00:00:04.320 align:middle line:84% Last year, an entirely black penguin 00:00:04.320 --> 00:00:07.020 align:middle line:90% was discovered in Antarctica-- 00:00:07.020 --> 00:00:09.490 align:middle line:90% true story. 00:00:09.490 --> 00:00:13.980 align:middle line:90% And while that is-- 00:00:13.980 --> 00:00:15.570 align:middle line:84% apparently, there's like a one in-- 00:00:15.570 --> 00:00:18.530 align:middle line:84% I forget the number like 250,000 genetic chance 00:00:18.530 --> 00:00:21.330 align:middle line:84% that you can have an all-black or an all-white penguin. 00:00:21.330 --> 00:00:23.610 align:middle line:84% So it has happened before, but the media 00:00:23.610 --> 00:00:27.125 align:middle line:84% kind of went a little crazy in talking about the discovery 00:00:27.125 --> 00:00:27.750 align:middle line:90% of the penguin. 00:00:27.750 --> 00:00:31.230 align:middle line:84% So the epigraph of the poem is from the Reuters news report, 00:00:31.230 --> 00:00:33.070 align:middle line:90% and then I'll get into the poem. 00:00:33.070 --> 00:00:36.510 align:middle line:90% So this is from a news report. 00:00:36.510 --> 00:00:39.840 align:middle line:84% An all black penguin has been discovered in Antarctica. 00:00:39.840 --> 00:00:41.760 align:middle line:84% It seems to be assimilating nicely. 00:00:41.760 --> 00:00:47.100 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:47.100 --> 00:00:51.840 align:middle line:84% And has even found itself a black and white mate. 00:00:51.840 --> 00:00:53.760 align:middle line:84% Recently discovered all-black penguin 00:00:53.760 --> 00:00:57.180 align:middle line:84% seems unafraid to defy convention. 00:00:57.180 --> 00:00:59.430 align:middle line:84% Biologists say that the animal has lost 00:00:59.430 --> 00:01:02.502 align:middle line:90% control of its pigmentation. 00:01:02.502 --> 00:01:03.960 align:middle line:84% Other than that, the animal appears 00:01:03.960 --> 00:01:05.430 align:middle line:90% to be perfectly healthy. 00:01:05.430 --> 00:01:07.260 align:middle line:90% Look at the size of those legs! 00:01:07.260 --> 00:01:08.910 align:middle line:90% said one scientist. 00:01:08.910 --> 00:01:10.320 align:middle line:90% It's an absolute monster. 00:01:10.320 --> 00:01:12.870 align:middle line:90% 00:01:12.870 --> 00:01:16.560 align:middle line:84% The all-black penguin speaks, "Seventeen Facts 00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:19.690 align:middle line:90% You Did Not Know About Me." 00:01:19.690 --> 00:01:25.350 align:middle line:84% One-- I was born here, raised here, met my mate, 00:01:25.350 --> 00:01:28.230 align:middle line:90% and warmed my eggs here. 00:01:28.230 --> 00:01:33.330 align:middle line:84% Two-- Fully ten seasons passed before you noticed me, 00:01:33.330 --> 00:01:36.970 align:middle line:84% don't make them theories now, Johnny-come-lately. 00:01:36.970 --> 00:01:40.290 align:middle line:90% Three-- Penguins are colorblind. 00:01:40.290 --> 00:01:46.100 align:middle line:84% Four-- Fuck your bell curve mother fucker. 00:01:46.100 --> 00:01:49.790 align:middle line:84% I know that's not a fact, it's an imperative. 00:01:49.790 --> 00:01:53.950 align:middle line:84% Five-- Penguins deliberately don't read, 00:01:53.950 --> 00:01:56.210 align:middle line:84% so we wouldn't have to learn words like assimilate, 00:01:56.210 --> 00:01:58.520 align:middle line:90% like discriminate, like mutate. 00:01:58.520 --> 00:02:01.070 align:middle line:90% Six-- We pray everyday. 00:02:01.070 --> 00:02:02.470 align:middle line:90% It's a simple chant-- 00:02:02.470 --> 00:02:05.650 align:middle line:90% evolve, evolve, evolve. 00:02:05.650 --> 00:02:11.210 align:middle line:84% Seven-- Can't you see it's getting warmer? 00:02:11.210 --> 00:02:14.040 align:middle line:90% Don't you see the ice melting? 00:02:14.040 --> 00:02:18.120 align:middle line:84% Eight-- I know the word rhetorical, bitch. 00:02:18.120 --> 00:02:23.680 align:middle line:84% Nine-- I'm actually the same size as all the other penguins. 00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:27.860 align:middle line:84% Ten-- You suffer from ocular Negro-phobia, the condition 00:02:27.860 --> 00:02:32.060 align:middle line:84% in which all black things look really large and scary. 00:02:32.060 --> 00:02:35.470 align:middle line:84% Yes, I know that's a fact about you, motherfucker. 00:02:35.470 --> 00:02:36.610 align:middle line:90% Eleven-- I hate you. 00:02:36.610 --> 00:02:37.110 align:middle line:90% Twelve-- 00:02:37.110 --> 00:02:39.935 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:39.935 --> 00:02:41.560 align:middle line:84% I don't believe in the same God as you. 00:02:41.560 --> 00:02:45.030 align:middle line:84% Thirteen-- Evolve, evolve, evolve. 00:02:45.030 --> 00:02:49.247 align:middle line:84% Fourteen-- There are two other all-blacks. 00:02:49.247 --> 00:02:50.330 align:middle line:90% We do not know each other. 00:02:50.330 --> 00:02:53.617 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:53.617 --> 00:02:54.950 align:middle line:90% Fifteen-- I'm prettier than you. 00:02:54.950 --> 00:02:58.340 align:middle line:84% Sixteen-- I'm making up a song about you. 00:02:58.340 --> 00:03:01.170 align:middle line:84% It's called Albino Mother Fucker. 00:03:01.170 --> 00:03:06.690 align:middle line:84% Seventeen-- We have a few all-white penguins here. 00:03:06.690 --> 00:03:08.608 align:middle line:90% We cool. 00:03:08.608 --> 00:03:09.400 align:middle line:90% They hate you, too. 00:03:09.400 --> 00:03:12.400 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:03:12.400 --> 00:03:14.250 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:03:14.250 --> 00:03:21.000 align:middle line:90%