WEBVTT

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So I'm going to read a very
brief fairy tale to you

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and then let you all
take it from there.

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I've always loved, but love
isn't quite the right word,

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a haunting Russian
fairy tale called,

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How A Husband Weaned His
Wife From Fairy Tales.

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It's a 19th-century
story, or at least

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that's when it was first
gathered in a book,

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about one woman's insatiable
need to hear stories

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and how she must be
sorely punished for it.

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I've always felt
this particular tale

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really important to fairy tales'
difficult history and important

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for so many lovers
of stories and books.

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And I was recently
asked to write a story,

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and I took the chance finally,
after 15 years of loving it,

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to retell this tale kind of
as an ode to fairy tales.

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But I'm going to read the
old version first just

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to get us in the
mood of retelling

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and the mood of
the old language.

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How A Husband Weaned His
Wife From Fairy Tales.

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And this is gathered
in Angela Carter,

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the queen of fairy tales, in
her collection, The Virago

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Book of Fairy Tales.

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It's out of print, but
you can still find it.

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"There was once an
innkeeper whose wife

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loved fairy tales above
all else and accepted

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as lodgers only those
who could tell stories.

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Of course the husband
suffered loss because of this,

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and he wondered how he
could wean his wife away

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from fairy tales.

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One night in winter at a late
hour, an old man shivering

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with cold asked him for shelter.

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The husband ran out and
said, 'Can you tell stories?

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My wife does not allow me to
let anyone in who cannot tell

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stories.'

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The old man saw that
he had no choice.

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He was almost frozen to death.

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He said, 'I can tell stories.'

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'And would you tell
them for a long time?'

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'All night.'

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So far, so good.

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They let the old man in.

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The husband said, 'Wife, this
peasant has promised to tell

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stories all night long but only
on condition that you do not

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argue with him or
interrupt him.'

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The old man said, 'Yes, there
must be no interruptions,

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or I will not tell any stories.'

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They ate supper and went to bed.

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Then the old man began.

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'An owl flew by a garden,
sat on a tree trunk,

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and drank some water.

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An owl flew into a garden,
sat in a tree trunk,

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and drank some water.'

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He kept on saying
again and again,

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'An owl flew into a garden,
sat on a tree trunk,

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and drank some water.'

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The wife listened
and listened and then

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said, 'What kind
of story is this?

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He keeps repeating the
same thing over and over.'

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'Why do you interrupt me?

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I told you not to argue with me.

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That was only the beginning.

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It was going to change later.'

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The husband, upon
hearing this, and it

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was exactly what he wanted to
hear, jumped down from his bed

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and began to belabor his wife.

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'You were told not to argue, and
you have now not let him finish

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the story.'

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And he thrashed her
and thrashed her

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so that she began
to hate stories.

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And from that time on,
forswore listening to them."

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[LAUGHTER]

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Isn't that a beautiful story?

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[LAUGHTER]

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But it is beautiful in its way.

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It has beautiful
poetics, I think.

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Fairy tales can
get away with that.

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So part of the problem
when you read the old one

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and then you read a new
one is the juxtaposition.

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I mean, the old ones
are just so wonderful.

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But if you can just humor me,
I'm going to read my version.

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It's short, too.

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And it's called
How A Mother Weaned

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Her Girl From Fairy Tales.

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"There was once a mother whose
only child loved fairy tales

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above all else and
accepted as dolls only

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those who could tell stories.

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Of course the child suffered
loss because of this

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as there were not so
many dolls that could

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perform such a remarkable task.

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And her mother suffered as well.

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When she went to
the department store

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on birthdays or
Christmas, she often

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left empty-handed
and disappointed

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her only child who asked
for more and more stories,

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bad stories or good.

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She wanted more fairy tales.

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That's all she ever
wanted, she said.

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She was insatiable.

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By her 18th birthday, the
child had only two dolls,

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one who told wonderful
stories and one who

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told very bad stories, indeed.

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Still, the child was
very good-natured

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and told her mother
one cold winter evening

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that even two
dolls, one who could

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tell wonderful
stories and one who

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could tell terrible stories,
were far better than none.

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And their household
had more fairy tales

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than more impoverished homes
where perhaps no storytelling

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dolls ever had lived.

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And then she hugged her mother
and kissed her goodnight.

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That very same night at a
very late hour and, of course,

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a wee bit of vodka,
the mother wondered

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how she might wean her
daughter from fairy tales.

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One day, every girl
must grow up after all.

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There was a knock on the door.

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There stood a witch doll
shivering with cold,

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and she asked the
mother for shelter.

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The girl's mother said,
'Can you tell stories?

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My daughter does not allow any
dolls in the house that cannot

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tell stories.'

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The witch doll saw
that she had no choice.

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She was a rag doll, and she
had tiny icicles hanging off

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of her little rag limbs.

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She was almost frozen to death.

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She said, 'I can.'

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'And will you tell
them a long time?'

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'All night.' So far so good.

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The mother let the witch
doll in and sat her

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in a tiny rocking
chair right by the fire

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where her cotton stuffing
nicely and evenly warmed.

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The mother gently woke
up her daughter and said,

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'There's a witch doll here who
has promised to tell stories

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all night long on the condition
that your other dolls do not

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argue or interrupt.'

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The daughter woke up
her dolls, the one that

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could tell good stories
and the one that

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could tell bad stories, and
brought them to the living room

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and sat near the hearth.

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The mother had
laid out all manner

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of goodies for all of them to
eat, lollipops with chocolate

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tucked inside their miniature
globes, jelly beans,

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and buttered toast.

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The witch doll said,
'Yes, I will tell stories,

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but there must be
no interruptions,

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or I will tell no
more stories to you.'

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The mother, the daughter, and
the two dolls ate their snacks

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and went back to bed
in order to listen.

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The witch doll began.

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'An owl flew by a garden,
sat on a tree trunk,

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and drank some water.

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An owl flew into a garden,
sat on a tree trunk,

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and drank some water.

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An owl flew by a garden,
sat on a tree trunk,

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and drank some water.'

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Over and over again, the witch
style repeated the sentence.

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The good doll listened and
said from her little doll bed,

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'That's a beautiful
story, but I'm

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afraid your audience
might become tired of it.

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I'm not tired of it, of course.

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I think it's lovely.

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But-- And the bad
doll shouted from bed,

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'That's not even a story.'

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The witch doll gazed
coldly into the fire.

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'Doll one, you've
interrupted me.

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I told you not to interrupt.

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And doll two, you have argued.

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That was only the beginning.

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I was going to change it later.'

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The witch flew out of a
window with the two dolls

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in her hands.

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She dropped the dolls
into the frozen pond

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down a teeny hole that
had been made by a rabbit.

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And there, in ice
water, they drowned.

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The mother saw
this from her bed.

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She rushed over to her darling,
beloved, lone daughter,

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who'd been blissfully sleeping,
dreaming the whole thing just

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like a character might
in an old storybook.

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Her mother knelt down,
clasped her child's warm hands

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into her own, and
silently pleaded

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with her, 'Your dolls were
told not to interrupt and never

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to argue.

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And now look what's happened?

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We won't get any
more fairy tales.'

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And she hugged her and hugged
her to offer some comfort.

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The child never asked
for a talking doll again.

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And the doll flew
around the world

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over and over again
for a household

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that might more quietly listen.

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She's still flying today alone
up there in a very cold wind."

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Thanks.

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[APPLAUSE]

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