WEBVTT NOTE Created by CaptionSync from Automatic Sync Technologies www.automaticsync.com 00:00:00.676 --> 00:00:06.466 align:middle >> I would like to change the pace a little bit and read a -- 00:00:10.316 --> 00:00:14.566 align:middle -- a poem that first appeared in Sinister Wisdom and then just lately appeared 00:00:14.566 --> 00:00:22.816 align:middle in La Chicana Lesbian Anthology that Carla Trujillo edited it. 00:00:23.426 --> 00:00:31.916 align:middle And there is a, on the cover there's a woman, a painting by Ester Hernandez, 00:00:32.726 --> 00:00:39.916 align:middle of a woman kind of dikey looking with spiked hair, very short hair. 00:00:40.856 --> 00:00:45.526 align:middle And there is la Virgen de Guadalupe. 00:00:46.106 --> 00:00:47.006 align:middle Have you seen that book? 00:00:47.486 --> 00:00:48.586 align:middle You have it at the bookstore? 00:00:51.146 --> 00:00:52.796 align:middle Ok. It's called Night Voice. 00:00:57.116 --> 00:01:05.286 align:middle When we met, I fell into her eyes like falling into warm rock, blurting out everything. 00:01:05.526 --> 00:01:09.756 align:middle How my cousins took turns at night when I was five, eight, ten. 00:01:10.086 --> 00:01:14.336 align:middle Her eyes asked for nothing but I turned myself inside out, 00:01:14.576 --> 00:01:16.496 align:middle plucked my heart and offered it to her. 00:01:17.746 --> 00:01:18.796 align:middle She looked away. 00:01:19.816 --> 00:01:23.026 align:middle I hated the coaxing in my voice that bitch whine 00:01:23.026 --> 00:01:28.346 align:middle and then she said Bueno, just this once. 00:01:30.086 --> 00:01:37.166 align:middle It rained hard that day and afterwards, she sat up and stretched arms and bare back glistening. 00:01:37.746 --> 00:01:42.126 align:middle The sounds of the ranas entered the room with the night. 00:01:42.586 --> 00:01:44.256 align:middle Both were deafening. 00:01:45.536 --> 00:01:49.546 align:middle I stood at the door of the heaven I thought out of reach. 00:01:50.566 --> 00:01:58.536 align:middle When I touched her I could barely breathe and the smell of her toasted almonds and yeast, 00:01:58.786 --> 00:02:03.876 align:middle I could never get near it enough and the wanting making my arms weak. 00:02:04.566 --> 00:02:11.226 align:middle The taste of her, even now if I bring my fingers up to my nose, I get a whiff of her. 00:02:13.396 --> 00:02:19.956 align:middle Lightning scored the window panes, a brutal light hit my eyes filling the room, 00:02:20.466 --> 00:02:23.186 align:middle surprising the shun in her face. 00:02:24.396 --> 00:02:31.166 align:middle She slid it back behind her eyes but I'd seen it and by the time thunder shook the mirror, 00:02:31.166 --> 00:02:36.326 align:middle something else had entered the room and I knew she would leave me. 00:02:37.036 --> 00:02:45.236 align:middle Parts of her were walking out into the llovizna toward the lightning piercing the horizon. 00:02:46.646 --> 00:02:52.406 align:middle She lay beached on the white sand and before the sweat dried on her body, 00:02:53.036 --> 00:02:55.846 align:middle I knew she needn't have done anything. 00:02:57.746 --> 00:03:07.096 align:middle One stroke of her hand on my belly and I would have gone off again, 00:03:07.726 --> 00:03:14.036 align:middle but I lay on the white sheet, mouthful of sand, my face shut like a door. 00:03:15.756 --> 00:03:22.326 align:middle Somehow the thunder had gotten inside me and I wanted to say I'm not your perra, a cheap shot, 00:03:22.446 --> 00:03:24.596 align:middle but it would have softened her mouth. 00:03:25.456 --> 00:03:30.136 align:middle By then, I wanted nothing from her, had turned away and lay listening to the rain 00:03:30.136 --> 00:03:33.506 align:middle and the frogs, the birds had stopped singing. 00:03:34.046 --> 00:03:39.466 align:middle When her hand touched me, I almost screamed. 00:03:39.896 --> 00:03:44.076 align:middle I pulled back into myself made myself numb. 00:03:44.576 --> 00:03:51.676 align:middle But the cat, her hand found me and I, the mouse, had no more holes to hide in. 00:03:52.366 --> 00:03:57.856 align:middle I came to lose myself and for that, I never forgave her. 00:04:03.536 --> 00:04:07.656 align:middle Glossary. Bueno, alright. 00:04:10.816 --> 00:04:13.056 align:middle Ranas, frogs. 00:04:13.826 --> 00:04:15.556 align:middle Llovizna, the rain. 00:04:16.746 --> 00:04:18.616 align:middle La llovizna, I should say. 00:04:19.756 --> 00:04:21.846 align:middle Perra, bitch as in female dog.