[POLICE SIRENS]
Now, in Pacific poetics, we hardly ever perform alone.
It's usually a communal act.
So I'm going to call for some volunteers.
So I hope some of the students I met earlier today will
volunteer or something.
But first we're going to start with the staff.
I'm going to have Tyler come up, please.
Over here by the podium.
Give him a round of applause.
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHING]
And I'm going to have you two, and you, and you.
Come up please.
[LAUGHING]
These are going to be our zombies for tonight.
Now this first poem is called, "Shoplifting Vienna Sausages."
One of my favorite American foods.
[LAUGHING]
Tyler is in charge of holding the sacred can with both hands.
A little bit lower, a little bit lower, a little bit closer
to you.
Perfect.
[LAUGHING]
Now whenever I mention the phrase,
Vienna sausages, Tyler will have to raise the can and smile.
[LAUGHING]
And then bring it back down.
So he'll be doing that motion throughout my poem.
[LAUGHING]
Now I have hidden four cans of Vienna sausage
throughout the audience here today.
It may be in your pockets, in your purse.
It is somewhere.
My four zombies of the coming apocalypse
are going to have to find those four cans of Vienna sausages.
And as they're doing, they have to do it zombie-like.
And they have to repeat the phrase, sausage of freedom.
[LAUGHING]
Sausage of freedom!
And have to move throughout the audience.
That sound cool?
Yeah.
OK.
If that wasn't complicated enough,
there's also a soundtrack to this poem.
Let me ask first.
Raise your hand if you like Vienna sausages.
What a bunch of liars.
[LAUGHING]
I'm not in the Pacific anymore.
[LAUGHING]
All right.
Fine.
How many of you like Bob Marley, Reggae?
All right.
So you know, Bob Marley is big in the Pacific.
As is Karaoke.
And so I'm going to play a Bob Marley kind of karaoke
"Redemption Song," one of my favorite Bob Marley songs.
So as soon as the song starts, I want my zombies
to go throughout the stage.
All into the poem, as I say Vienna sausage,
Tyler will do his obscene gesture throughout.
I hope you enjoy this poem.
[LAUGH]
Ready?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Sausage of freedom!
"I've only shoplifted once in my life; a can of Vienna
sausage just to see what it felt like.
As an altar boy, I sang for the Catholic Boy's Choir in Guam.
Those priests loved my little sausages.
Vienna is supposed to be a city rich in history and culture,
but these sausages have none of that.
North American sausages are actually
made from mechanically separated chicken, beef, pork, cooked
in chicken broth.
When my dad had the talk with me,
he sat me down and said, son, don't ever
serve Vienna sausages on the first date
because they are limp and soft.
[LAUGHING]
When I take my toe rings off after a long day of teaching,
my toes look and swell like Vienna sausages.
Last night after arriving at the Poetry Center,
I opened up a can of Vienna sausage, drank the yummy broth
and had myself a little feast.
Then I put my pajamas on, updated my Facebook status,
read some avant garde poetry, and watched some pornography
before bedtime.
I had the most pleasant dreams.
Emancipate yourselves from fruits and veggies!
Only imports can feed your kind.
Have no fear for diabetes, 'cause
no disease can stop the grind.
How long shall we kill our body while we drive through
McDonald's?
Some say it's just our destiny to swallow their GMOs.
My future wife who's Hawaiian prefers a Portuguese sausage
over a Vienna sausage, if you know what I mean.
[LAUGHING]
Something.
On my wedding night I hope I'm able to plump like a ballpark
frank and not shrivel like a Vienna sausage.
Some find it suspicious that Vienna sausage
is cheaper than cat food, yet marketed
in disturbingly similar packaging.
[LAUGHING]
When military personnel in Guam go diving,
they put a Vienna sausage into a Ziploc bag
and sprinkle it over the reef.
In seconds, thousands of tropical fish swarm like an air
show.
My great grandfather would mash Vienna sausage
with his rice pudding.
My grandfather mashed Vienna sausage between two pieces
of white bread and some Mayo.
My dad eats Vienna sausage as a chaser with his Budweiser.
[LAUGHING]
Yeah, I am not ashamed, because I imagine
that somewhere in the desert of Arizona, a shirtless Chamorro
suffering a severe case of diaspora
is kicking back with a Bud and a can of Vienna sausage,
saying, ah, this tastes just like home.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Vienna sausage.
Thank you.
[APPLAUSE]