Good evening.
I'd like to start by reading a few poems from my Eskimo book.
The first is called "Beauty Cure,"
and it's the poem of an old Eskimo woman.
"When I was just a girl I once took
a beauty treatment recommended by our medicine man.
Grandma took me out and found old dried-up dog turds for me.
I had to put each turd on my tongue keeping it in my mouth
until it was soft then rub myself
with it all over my breasts and stomach.
That is where I got my lovely figure and vitality from for is
the medicine man said, dogshit used in the right way
possesses magic powers and it's a kind of elixir of youth.
That is why I still look so young in spite of my great age.
So for a beautiful complexion, ladies,
I do not hesitate to recommend dogshit lotion to you.
Try some today.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]