Here's one that, when I was on tour,
I almost didn't include this poem in the book.
I thought it was just too lightweight,
but I finally decided to, and when
I was on tour with the One Book Arizona contest thing, this
turned out, I read from this book
too, as well as "Going back to Bisbee",
and this turned out to be the poem that was requested
the most, which surprised me.
The problem in this poem is syntactical,
that is, I have a dog talking in this poem, which is not
unusual for my things, and I didn't know whether or not
the dog would use the subjunctive.
I was very concerned that I get the dog right,
and Woody uses subjunctive, so since I used the subjunctive
in the title, I felt I had to use it for the dog.
He was my dog, or me, actually he's me.
"If I Were a Dog" is the title.
If I were a dog, I would trot down this road,
sniffing on one side, and then the other,
peeing a little here and there, wherever
I felt the urge, having a good time, what the hell,
saving some, because it's a long road.
[LAUGHTER]
But since I'm not a dog, I walk straight down the road,
trying to get home before dark.
If I were a dog and I had a master who beat me,
I would run away and go hungry, and sniff around
until I found a master who loved me.
I could tell by his smell, and I would lick his face so he knew.
Or maybe, it would be a woman.
I would protect her.
We could go everywhere together, even down this dark road.
And I wouldn't run from side to side,
sniffing, I would always be protecting her,
and I would stop to pee only once in a while.
Sometimes in the afternoon, we could go to the park,
and she would throw a stick.
I would bring it back to her.
Each time I put the stick at her feet, I would say,
this is my heart, and she would say, I will make it fly,
but you must bring it back to me.
I would always bring it back to her, and to no other,
if I were a dog.
[APPLAUSE]