WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.250 align:middle line:90% 00:00:02.250 --> 00:00:04.560 align:middle line:90% "In This Life." 00:00:04.560 --> 00:00:08.790 align:middle line:84% In this life, I have a little shed not far 00:00:08.790 --> 00:00:13.680 align:middle line:84% from a house we live in and far enough not 00:00:13.680 --> 00:00:16.680 align:middle line:84% to be bothered too much by the kids. 00:00:16.680 --> 00:00:19.710 align:middle line:84% And it wasn't built for writing in. 00:00:19.710 --> 00:00:22.150 align:middle line:84% it was a tool shed or a work room of some sort. 00:00:22.150 --> 00:00:24.158 align:middle line:84% And it's pretty sturdy built. But it 00:00:24.158 --> 00:00:25.200 align:middle line:90% wasn't built for comfort. 00:00:25.200 --> 00:00:27.310 align:middle line:84% And the walls don't quite come up to the ceiling. 00:00:27.310 --> 00:00:29.490 align:middle line:84% There's little space of three or four inches 00:00:29.490 --> 00:00:31.710 align:middle line:84% where the cold wind blows in the wintertime 00:00:31.710 --> 00:00:35.790 align:middle line:84% and where birds come in other times a year, all times a year. 00:00:35.790 --> 00:00:37.710 align:middle line:90% And, sometimes, it's a mess. 00:00:37.710 --> 00:00:39.930 align:middle line:84% And birds fly around madly beating at the windows 00:00:39.930 --> 00:00:42.930 align:middle line:84% and shitting all over my books and knocking over things. 00:00:42.930 --> 00:00:45.520 align:middle line:84% And it's trouble to get them out. 00:00:45.520 --> 00:00:49.650 align:middle line:84% I mean, last summer, a couple of finches, California linnets-- 00:00:49.650 --> 00:00:54.720 align:middle line:84% the male has a beautiful red throat and breast-- 00:00:54.720 --> 00:00:59.400 align:middle line:84% built a nest inside upon a rafter right above my head 00:00:59.400 --> 00:01:01.920 align:middle line:90% where they could fly in and out. 00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:05.340 align:middle line:84% And some eggs were laid in the nest. 00:01:05.340 --> 00:01:07.830 align:middle line:90% And the mother bird sat on them. 00:01:07.830 --> 00:01:10.560 align:middle line:84% And I began to feel very proprietary and paternal 00:01:10.560 --> 00:01:11.370 align:middle line:90% about those eggs. 00:01:11.370 --> 00:01:14.730 align:middle line:84% And at first, when I'd walk in, the bird would fly out. 00:01:14.730 --> 00:01:16.830 align:middle line:84% And when I would walk out, she'd fly in. 00:01:16.830 --> 00:01:19.260 align:middle line:84% And she began to see there was no percentage in that 00:01:19.260 --> 00:01:20.760 align:middle line:84% as she wanted to get her eggs hatch. 00:01:20.760 --> 00:01:23.280 align:middle line:84% So she learned to sit on the nest while I was in there. 00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:25.290 align:middle line:84% And we'd stare at each other for a while. 00:01:25.290 --> 00:01:27.690 align:middle line:90% I go on working sometimes. 00:01:27.690 --> 00:01:32.220 align:middle line:84% I came very fond of what's going on in my little house. 00:01:32.220 --> 00:01:35.400 align:middle line:84% And, well, but the eggs never hatched. 00:01:35.400 --> 00:01:37.500 align:middle line:90% A cat killed her one night. 00:01:37.500 --> 00:01:42.870 align:middle line:84% And we tried to hatch the eggs, but compared to finches, 00:01:42.870 --> 00:01:44.160 align:middle line:90% I'm not very well-educated. 00:01:44.160 --> 00:01:46.890 align:middle line:90% 00:01:46.890 --> 00:01:52.420 align:middle line:90% And it was a tremendous blow. 00:01:52.420 --> 00:01:54.480 align:middle line:84% I mean, the cat killed other birds. 00:01:54.480 --> 00:01:56.110 align:middle line:90% It wasn't the same thing. 00:01:56.110 --> 00:02:03.840 align:middle line:84% I wrote a poem in this life in which everyone, everything is 00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:05.640 align:middle line:90% eaten, finally. 00:02:05.640 --> 00:02:07.485 align:middle line:90% We eat, and then we get eaten. 00:02:07.485 --> 00:02:12.750 align:middle line:90% 00:02:12.750 --> 00:02:15.270 align:middle line:84% Norman O'Brown says that's the meaning of the crucifixion. 00:02:15.270 --> 00:02:18.270 align:middle line:90% 00:02:18.270 --> 00:02:22.995 align:middle line:84% So accept that-- that you get eaten in this life. 00:02:22.995 --> 00:02:25.890 align:middle line:90% 00:02:25.890 --> 00:02:30.330 align:middle line:84% Now, the cup of grasses and down is cool. 00:02:30.330 --> 00:02:32.580 align:middle line:90% The eggs, cool. 00:02:32.580 --> 00:02:38.100 align:middle line:84% The throne, empty from which she would step down and growing 00:02:38.100 --> 00:02:43.910 align:middle line:84% still look out long toward the darkness. 00:02:43.910 --> 00:02:49.220 align:middle line:84% One moist and terrible night, it came creeping and tensing 00:02:49.220 --> 00:02:50.870 align:middle line:90% its jaws. 00:02:50.870 --> 00:02:53.630 align:middle line:90% And it too grew still. 00:02:53.630 --> 00:02:55.580 align:middle line:90% And then it had her. 00:02:55.580 --> 00:03:01.220 align:middle line:84% And a small diamond of light opened in her brain. 00:03:01.220 --> 00:03:05.600 align:middle line:84% I remember the eyes closed tight against the final ecstasy 00:03:05.600 --> 00:03:07.580 align:middle line:90% of the teeth. 00:03:07.580 --> 00:03:12.170 align:middle line:84% The weightless blood beaded lump of feathers buried now 00:03:12.170 --> 00:03:16.340 align:middle line:84% under the iris being slowly eaten alive by the air. 00:03:16.340 --> 00:03:19.580 align:middle line:90% 00:03:19.580 --> 00:03:23.030 align:middle line:84% Here's the father blossoming on a twig 00:03:23.030 --> 00:03:27.560 align:middle line:84% to sing the song of the bleeding throat on this day of crystal 00:03:27.560 --> 00:03:31.040 align:middle line:90% wind and young sunlight. 00:03:31.040 --> 00:03:35.420 align:middle line:84% He sings the endless song of irises wrinkling and wrinkling 00:03:35.420 --> 00:03:39.410 align:middle line:84% and becoming nothing, rode a fine sand 00:03:39.410 --> 00:03:41.840 align:middle line:90% strewn with fallen wings. 00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:48.410 align:middle line:84% The toad, the mouse, the blind nestling taken in deep grass. 00:03:48.410 --> 00:03:51.860 align:middle line:84% He sings of a diamond, sings of the spokes 00:03:51.860 --> 00:03:54.770 align:middle line:84% flashing brilliance at the center of the ceaselessly 00:03:54.770 --> 00:03:57.410 align:middle line:90% collapsing floor of bone. 00:03:57.410 --> 00:04:01.280 align:middle line:90% And I wish I sang with him. 00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:05.720 align:middle line:84% He sings the only truth in this world where men remember mostly 00:04:05.720 --> 00:04:11.630 align:middle line:84% lies, sings it, and sings it till it breaks at last 00:04:11.630 --> 00:04:14.600 align:middle line:90% into particles of light. 00:04:14.600 --> 00:04:20.080 align:middle line:84% Blossoms of mercy in the midst of the Holocaust.