This poem, which is unquestionably
one of the pioneer works in oriental eroticism--
the author is Arthur J. Barnes.
And all the biographical material
that I've been able to uncover about Mr. Barnes
was that he served, in 1883, one term
as president of the Missouri State Stenographers
Association.
[LAUGHTER]
Emboldened, no doubt, by this experience,
he produced his great work, which
is called "Barnes Shorthand Lessons," published
in St. Louis in 1895.
[LAUGHTER]
And the poem entitled "Distinguishing Ru from Chu"
was compiled by me from the review questions in the back
of this seminal work.
[LAUGHTER]
"Distinguishing Ru from Chu."
"Give the sounds of the curve mated phonographs.
Give the sounds of the straight mated phonographs.
Name the six vertical phonographs.
What caution should be observed in writing Lu, Ur, Wu, and Yu?
What are the two ways of writing Hu?
How may Ru be distinguished from Chu when alone?
[LAUGHTER]
How is Iss joined to a curve?
How is Iss joined to a straight stroke?
What rules apply to Sez, Steh, and Ster?
What is the effect of lengthening Emp?
[LAUGHTER]
What is the effect of lengthening Ung?
[LAUGHTER]
What is the effect of halving a stroke?
[LAUGHTER]
When should the Eshun curl be used?
What should you be slow to adopt, and why?
How may a vowel be written when alone?
How long should the ticks be made?
After what stroke is Ul always used?
What are the small, final hooks?"
[LAUGHTER]
Truly mysterious poem.
[LAUGHTER]